A dear friend of mine sent me a concerned email today about my relationship in the church and as a feminist. This blog is an outlet for steam so often, I forget to include my positive feelings. After some careful consideration, I have decided to post my response. I think it's important to understand that I do consider myself solidly in this church.
Hey Lady! It's good to hear from you!
I haven't stopped believing at all- In fact, quite the opposite, I find myself right now to be incredibly active. I believe in this Church- If I didn't, I wouldn't attack it; I would simply remove myself from it and dust off my hands.
My discrepancies mostly revolve around Mormon Culture. Here's a secret (okay, not so secret): I'm pretty liberal. While I don't fancy myself a Democrat (because I don't believe in binary politics), I'm VERY liberal as far as other Mormons are concerned.
There really hasn't been a point in the last three years that I haven't been Temple worthy, which to me means that I uphold the doctrine fairly well. However, I refuse to stand by while people judge me. I drink caffeine, wear shirts that sometimes show a little cleavage, watch the occasional rated R movie, and believe homosexuals should be able to marry. While all of these things make True Blue Mormons uncomfortable, they are not against what Christ taught. And they don't disqualify me from being Temple worthy. Ergo, I am fully active and in good standing.
I do not attend the Temple currently because it does not bring me peace. I have had some inner scuffles with my practices, wording, and teachings of the Church. I am currently trying (very hard, mind you) to bring peace through Christ to my life by finding joy in my work, keeping my home as a sanctuary from the world, and being the best mom I can be. I think Heavenly Father knows I am trying to please him, and He'll know when I am ready to take on more. For now, I take the basics one day at a time.
I do absolutely point out publicly (because that's the nature of a blog) when I think something has gone awry due to gender. I do this because it helps me to sort through my feelings, but also because if no one speaks up, nothing changes. Case in point: One time I went to a bishop distraught because in Sacrament Meeting it was very common for the Elders Quorum President to be referred to as "President" and the Relief Society President to be referred to as "Sister." That bishop said. "You're right; that should change." He explained that he never considered that "Sister" was below "President." Voila, change. It's small, but it matters.
Do I think there is inequality in the church? You betcha. Do I think it is fundamental? No. I think it has been created by the surrounding culture.
I hope this hasn't been too preachy or long! I'm really glad you asked, actually.
Love,
Blythe
4 comments:
I love that you are always seeking God's voice in your life! You never take another person's answer as truth unless it is in the written Word of God and I think THAT is where every believer makes the biggest mistake. We have to believe that the Devil is fighting against us each and everyday, trying to convince us that God's word is something else. And oh boy has it worked. Thank you for being such an incredible Daughter of Christ and keeping me asking questions to our heavenly Father as well. I love you sweetie!
I love the way you handled this, Blythe! You sound much less defensive than I always feel in these situations. So much more straightforward and confident, too. That is so great. Thanks for sharing.
Re: Mormon Culture,
I'm torn between amusement and frustration when dealing with Church members who don't recognize the difference between tradition/culture and doctrine. Fortunately, the culture is inconsistent when you go somewhere new, while the doctrine remains the same. Case in point: where you fight to get all presidents' titles respected the same, we don't call our elders quorum president "president" at all. My congregation (perhaps atypical because it's a university branch and not a family ward) is first name only excepting the adult leaders rationed to us for a branch presidency.
We, as members, need to make the distinction more clear, or simply do away with our traditions.
Re: "inner scuffles with...wording"
Feel free to ignore any wording used by rank and file church members. We, as a rule, are miserable at speaking precisely instead of using phrasings that are common or comfortable.
One member of my branch felt the need some time back to explain in testimony meeting what she means by saying "I know [...] is true." It was refreshing.
Michael,
I think my amusement at people who don't know the difference depends on what impact they have on my day/ life.
"Refreshing" is exactly the word I would use. I love testimonies that don't follow the cookie cutter format.
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