Happy Memorial Day

I've seen a bunch of posts reminding us to remember this day is set aside for remembrance rather than BBQs or beach days....


But honestly, I can't think of a better way to thank those who gave all than to make sure we are enjoying our lives to the fullest.  And thanking those who served.

Thank you to all our service people.  Thank you for my opportunity to raise my family, voice my opinion, and practice my religion in safety and freedom.   

Something Good from Macklemore

"Whatever God you believe in, we come from the same one."

Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines About Feminism

A note of caution:  Due to the subject matter of this post, you may want to read this when literate children are out of the room.  Goodness knows I would not want my kiddo hearing this on the radio, let alone seeing it in print.  

I think my head just exploded...  or imploded.  Either way, I am dumbstruck by what I have just read.

I think we're all at least remotely aware of Billboard's #1 for five weeks running, Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke, T.I., and Pharrell (If you're not, well, it's a blissful, blissful land in which you live- if you must research the song, the lyrics are here).  Personally, I have tried to ignore it because of how offensive and degrading it is towards women.  However, Mr. Thicke had a different take on his song:

"The idea was when we made this song, we had nothing but the most respect for women. I mean, I've been with the same woman since I was a teenager. For us, we were just trying to make a funny song and sometimes the lyrics can get misconstrued when you're just trying to put people on the dance floor and have a good time. We had no idea that it would stir this much controversy. We only had the best intentions."

"I think that's what great art does -- it's supposed to stir conversation, it's supposed to make us talk about what's important and what the relationships between men and women are," Thicke added. "If you listen to the lyrics, it says, 'That man is not your maker.' It's actually a feminist movement within itself. It's saying that women and men are equals as animals and as power. It doesn't matter if you're a good girl or a bad girl, you can still have a good time."

take from buzzfeed-popular.blogspot.com

Sure, Mr. Thicke, I can totally see how blowing smoke into the face of a clearly displeased woman
as you tell her she must want to "get nasty" is certainly empowering women (Please, if it isn't painstakingly obvious to you, this is the epitome of sarcasm).  So while I will not begin to tell anyone who she can allow into her feminist circles, let me walk you through why Mr. Blurred Lines is not welcome in mine.  Not. Ever.  

Let us break it down verse by verse.

First Verse:

OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you
But you're an animal, baby, it's in your nature
Just let me liberate you
You don't need no papers
That man is not your maker

This is something that has long bothered me:  How is a lack of commitment in a sexual relationship liberating?  I can argue that birth control is liberating.  I can argue that not being tied down to one person when you are not ready is liberating.  I cannot, however, argue that a sexual relationship outside of marriage is liberating.  While sex with people outside a committed relationship may not be constraining-  I am certainly not saying I do not get the appeal, it seems like a marriage would be the most liberating sexual experience.  Check this out:  No STD worries in a monogamous, committed relationship.  No "Oh no, who is the Daddy?" issues when there is only one person in your life.  And on that note, should you realize your spouse is going to be a Daddy, well then, you have two people to be a family to that kid.  So....   I do not need to be liberated.  I am fine with my (marriage) papers.

Chorus:
I know you want it
But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me

Rape culture, anyone?  This distinctly perpetuates the idea that women, all women want the proverbial "it."  She's a good girl, but I know she wants it.  Um, on the contrary, if she is acting like she doesn't want, read my font:
She doesn't want it;  back off.

Second Verse:
What do they make dreams for
When you got them jeans on
What do we need steam for
You the hottest b**** in this place
I feel so lucky
You wanna hug me
What rhymes with hug me?

Two things that do not make me feel respected or on equal footing with men is being called a b**** or using the f word (or in this case referring to the f word) when proposing sex.  This seems pretty self-explanatory to me, but maybe I should do a blog about those words and why those two in particular never sit well with me.

And by all means, look up the third verse by T.I., but seeing as how he's not proclaiming his feminism, and it's content is more explicit by far, I'm moving on without it.

The next thing that has me questioning Robin Thicke's push for gender equality is the music video (ahem, videos...) for this song.  The "clean" version has barely dressed women and nude models hidden carefully by the camera bouncing around while Robin Thicke, T.I., and Pharrell look at them and smoke and drink, all fully dressed, I might add.  The unrated version is the same, but the models are all naked except for nude colored thongs.  The camera hides nothing.  Also the phallic symbols and attention drawn to the models mouths is out of control.  But the thing that truly takes the rape cake for me is the image of a small stop sign atop a woman's naked rear (Hint: if I link to a picture rather than stick it directly on the blog, it's probably disturbing).

On a blog I frequent, JamiLeigh, in her post How to be Totally Miserable Part 2 of 2 describes how our brains are like catfish (get ready, this is one cool analogy!):

"Catfish just eat anything they can scavenge off the bottom of wherever they live. They are not partial at all - rotting matter and fish bodies and trash - they eat it all. Your mind is just the same. It doesn't discriminate, it just takes it all in. If you watched someone sweep the floor and dump the junk they swept up on top of your spaghetti dinner for the evening, you probably wouldn't eat it! And if you did, you'd probably throw it up. Unfortunately our minds don't have an vomit reflex. So? We have to be so careful what we put in them!"

She then goes on to quote Elder Dallin H. Oaks who says, "Pornographic or erotic stories and pictures are worse than filthy or polluted food. The body has defenses to rid itself of unwholesome food. With a few fatal exceptions, bad food will only make you sick but do no permanent harm. In contrast, a person who feasts upon filthy stories or pornographic or erotic pictures and literature records them in this marvelous retrieval system we call a brain. The brain won’t vomit back filth. Once recorded, it will always remain subject to recall, flashing its perverted images across your mind and drawing you away from the wholesome things in life.”  Again, if you want to visit her fabulous blog check it out here: A Bit Backward.

When he was asked about the implications it had towards women Robin Thicke answered, "Because all three of us are happily married with children, we were like 'We're the perfect guys to make fun of this.'  People say, 'Hey, do you think this is degrading to women?' I'm like, 'Of course it is. What a pleasure it is to degrade a woman. I've never gotten to do that before. I've always respected women.'"
....crickets.....  How does that make it okay?  This song/ video is not a film in which he's playing a character.  He's playing himself.  He actually wrote this.  Not to mention that being a sexist does not preclude you from getting married.

taken from CBSnews.com

My question is why is this song #1 for five  straight weeks?
On a ladies' outing with my mom and sister we got on the topic of Rolling Stone's portrayal of the Boston Bomber, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.  We discussed how the cover made him look very young and, quite frankly, very cool.  We shook our heads in turn and talked about what a disgraceful shame it is that Rolling Stone presented him (at least on the cover) like a rock star, that Rolling Stone just gave someone a role model.  Then, my sister informed us from her handy dandy smartphone that even with many stores refusing to stock the Boston Bomber issue, sales were the highest Rolling Stone had seen in a while.  Why is that our society is drawn to controversy like a moth to a flame
Even When We Know We Disagree Morally?
Shouldn't we have more control than that?  I think we should, and I think we do.

I think it boils down to personally responsibility.  You have the ability to not play a passive role in your life, and you do have the choice of what you consume.  Start by identifying what you stand for.  I cannot define that for you;  no one can except you.  What do you stand for?  What are your values?  First identify and then commit to them.  If you make the commitment now to turn the radio dial when degrading, sexist garbage comes on, you can avoid wishing your brain could vomit later.   And understand that this may be hard, especially if the garbage is packaged in a catchy tune or an amazing pair of blue eyes.  After all, if the swept up garbage atop your proverbial spaghetti were presented on fine china, you still wouldn't eat it, right?  Right?! You have a choice where your dollars go.  You have a choice what gets played and replayed in your mind.  Because even if Robin Thicke thinks his lyrics have been misconstrued, his message is as loud and clear as it is deplorable and pervasive.   

Exit Facebook

January 31st I will be off of Facebook.  I'm pretty excited.

I used to love Facebook.  I remember when it was exclusively for college students.  I was so excited to sign up for Facebook when I received my college email address.  This was back when there was a delay between when you signed up and when you were approved.  It turned into a great way to connect with classmates and friends.  It was better than email because everything was organized for you.  And let's be honest, it was so much less creepy than Myspace.  Which we were all on anyway.  Because all the cool kids did it.  Even though we secretly hated ourselves for it.  Ugh.  On to the more positive.

Facebook soon evolved to include everyone.  This was super awkward because all of a sudden everyone's little sister could see all the garbage you were posting and the fact that you cussed slightly worse than a sailor.

Then there was tagging pictures.  Not cute, done up pictures, either;  No ma'am.  We're talking those super classy, skanked out, drunk photos you didn't know were taken until they were on Facebook.  I actually had a lecture in college where a professor said, "If you've shared pictures of your drunk escapades on Facebook, you might be in this slideshow.  Due to Facebook being on the internet, I have used people's drunk pictures in this slideshow to demonstrate my points."  It was funny until several classmates left the room in shame.  Then it was hilarious.  It was less hilarious when the school put people on probation because of Facebook evidence that showed them drinking underage or in dorm rooms.  No bueno, friends.

When you finally learned, way too late, where the "Untag" button is, you were looking for a job.  There are jobs now who search your Facebook account.  I guess this bypasses the illegality of asking about your marital status and children.  Heck, they can just check your Facebook.  So then, you learned how to make your Facebook private.  You even finally deleted that old, outdated Myspace account.  Good for you!

Then, for whatever reason, you start working with kids, youth groups, tutor students, cousins, nieces, nephews, etc.  Not little kids, teenagers.  Teenagers who are way more tech savvy than you because that's the nature of the next generation.  They are always technologically better off.  I started learning to type in the second grade.  My 18-month-old has a baby laptop.  At any rate, these teenagers all have Facebook because, after all, it really is the top choice of communication and networking online these days.  Why call someone when you can hit them up on their Facebook wall?  Much less invasive.  Inevitably, one of these teenagers you love so much comments on an old status or that one skanked out picture that you left up because you were having that good of a hair day that it was worth a little ridicule.  Then you realize you must spend hours searching through your profile with a fine tooth comb to make sure you aren't the bad example.

Once you edited your entire profile that now misrepresents you entirely, all was going well.  Yes, Facebook organized your friends from everywhere you've lived and visited, every crummy job you worked to get through college, every roommate you've had- even the super aloof ones you wouldn't recognize in a lineup.

It was a beautiful story.  Until an election year when you began to hate 50% of your friends.  We were all there.  It was a poop storm.

In the days following  the end of the election there was a glitch that made all of your so-called "Private Messages" public on your wall.  When you found out about that, you found a new relationship with God, praying that no one had seen the real gem of an email you sent your best friend about your other best friend's fiance because it was just rude.  But, come on, they were never going to work out anyway.  You had never clicked "Remove Content" more times than on that glorious day.

In all honestly, I find a lot of value to Facebook.  It's an excellent networking tool, particularly if you own a small business.  It's great at organizing and keeping people in your life, but I think the days of trying to keep in touch with everyone I have ever met are in my past.  I figure I have blog.  I'll keep in touch with people via the blog and email.  Which brings up another point-  I used to use Facebook to promote my blog.  This will be the last time I do that because it's not worth it to me.  Frankly, it means a lot to me that people keep up with my blog, but I am not concerned with the visitor counter.  I am super excited to know only the good things about my friends.  I am excited to have my time back.  And I am excited to not worry about the pornographic pictures that sneak into my home via Facebook.  So. Sayonara, Facebook.  It's been real.

Weird Connotation

White Halloween

Today I began doing some Halloween planning (Hey, I know it's August 31st, but I like to plan) for the Trunk-or-Treat happening at my ward.  I have been so very, very excited that I actually carted my fourteen-month-old-son to three different Halloween themed places to check out decorations and get ideas.  I also cruised around the toddler section to peruse for costumes for Baby (actually, I guess he is "Toddler" now, huh?  Ugh, why does that make me want to cry?)  I noticed something a little quirky.  Or sans-euphemism if you will, a little racist.

I'm looking through probably one hundred toddler costumes and not one. single. model. is African American.  Not one.  Out of the every costume in this particular store, I found one Asian female child.  That was the extent of the diversity.  I decided to look up some statistics (All taken from USA Quick Facts) on race in American:  

USA:

Asian                                       5.0 %

Hispanic                                 16.7 %

Black                                     13.1 %

White (not Hispanic)                63.4 %

South Carolina:

Asian                                       1.3 %

Hispanic                                  5.1 % 

Black                                     27.9 %

White (not Hispanic)                64.1 % 

I decided there was no way that Halloween Costume distributors were simply ignoring over 36% of the American population, so I took to the internet.  On Amazon, I searched for "Halloween Costumes" and scrolled through three pages before seeing an African American model (Incidentally, the costume was a pimp;  What kind of message does this send?).  

One logistically problematic occurrence is the net material provided in many of the Disney Princess costumes.  It's used to cover what would be exposed skin around the midriff, and every costume I've seen has one skin tone:  Caucasian. 

I then did the most logical thing I could think of:  I searched for Princess Tiana costumes.  I figured, Tiana is actually an African American Disney Princess- surely her costume models will be the same.  I am only slightly comforted that the models were not white (well, not all of them) because the model were so light-skinned.  I am not one for describing race, but most of the models looked mix-race at most.  A few had blond hair!  I mean, come on!  These two Tiana models, as cute and darling as these two little girls are, do not help the case for diversity.  

I would really like to know what is going on here?  Is there something I am missing?  This seems worthy of a letter writing campaign to stores and distributors.  What are your thoughts?

Debunk the funk / Feminists are Ugly

Have the words "I'm not a feminist, but..." ever come out of your mouth or out of the mouth of someone you know?  I find that often times the reason for this qualification before delivering a feminist sentiment is because of the fear of becoming associated with the unsavory feminist stereotypes.
In order to show that the feminist Kool-Aid doesn't turn you ugly or into a lesbian or even into a man-hater,   I've decided that over this week I am going to debunk some feminist stereotypes.  It's going to be loads of fun as we sort through this garbage together.  And go ahead, throw me your stereotypes!

1.  Feminists are ugly

Hardly.  Although some would have you believe that all feminists are unshaven, fat, and simply ugly, I assure you, standing up for equality and women's rights does not mean you will suddenly become unfortunate looking.  Where does this stereotype come from?  It is the opinion of some that this stereotype is one used to discredit feminists by using something very personal rather than actual facts.  It is an oppressive statement.  It causes fear in people who want to be attractive, and doesn't everyone to some extent?  

It is my thought that this stereotype also stems from feminists recognizing and bringing attention to the difference between the "beauty" presented by the media and true beauty.  Feminists do not subscribe to the idea that only one type of body or one shade of skin or eye color or face shape is beautiful.  Feminists do not believe in photo-shopping the human quality out of photos.  The media not only wants you to believe that people actually look like that, but if you don't, you are doing something wrong and should be ashamed.  Don't be fooled.  No one looks like that.  And that doesn't make you ugly.  

At any rate, here are some examples.  Hopefully you soon see that there are quite a few hotties who classify themselves as feminists.  

Not quite Beyonce

Came across this is another blogger group.  I think I am in love.  Check out more of her videos on youtube : Nineteenpercent

My hubby and I were out the other day discussing some of  the online mo-fem groups I am in.  Since I frequently talk about the controversy I find in them with him, he asked, "What do you get out of them?" 

First off, I become aware of gold like this video.  Secondly, I have been more inspired to keep up with my feminist ideas.   I also feel not so trapped in a super conservative Mormon box.

It's not all bad, it's not all good.  But that's life.

Blogic relief in the form of more Target Women

More current Sarah Haskins.

Because I love Sarah Haskins. 

And I need some posts that are a little less serious...and broody.

My favorite line?

"Milk will also bring sunshine to a land devastated by your period tears."

"Because diamonds are forever..just like roaches."

Blogic relief complete.

Why LYB Day is so important to me

This is what inspired me to celebrate Love Your Body Day each year.  Jean Kilbourne is amazing.  I will say that this material is not rated G.  It is, however, nothing that isn't seen in any magazine you pick up in a grocery store. 

What are  your thoughts?

On society's love and sex

Yesterday morning while driving into town, I got caught up in a radio program in which a DJ was discussing the lackadaisical use of the words “I love you” in today’s society. He explained that he never says it to his girlfriend, but it makes him feel good when she tells him. He reported that he might use some form of the words, for example, “Love ya,” but never “I love you.” His reasoning was that “I love you” should mean something, and if you use these words too much, they lose this meaning, leaving them trite and common. The station then started a conversation about saying “I love you” after a year and if this was too soon. This made me chuckle a bit.
I will begin by saying that I do not necessarily think the words “I love you” should be handed out to every person with whom one encounters, I do believe in expressing love to those who matter. In my house, the words “I love you” are used more times in one day than I can possibly count. This did not begin in my family of procreation, but rather my family of orientation. My mom told us everyday how much she loved us. When we woke up, before we left for school, at the close of every call, and before bed every night, “I love you”s were exchanged. Now, in my home of procreation, my husband and I exchange the words even more often. Each time I feel more loved and appreciated than before the exchange. These words, and of course actions that support these words, help me remember throughout times that are not perfect that I am loved and everything else is secondary.
Conversely, I was listening to a conversation once I got to class about how religion oppresses women, especially concerning our “sexual liberation.” Women, in the opinion of my peers, should be as sexually free and confident as our male counterparts. I had to ponder this a moment. I thought about the law of chastity and remembered that there is no stipulation of being female to follow the law of chastity, it simply says we should only be sexual with those to whom we are lawfully married. I began to think that perhaps it is not that religion is oppressing women, but trying to rein everyone, women and men alike, back to being modest and chaste.
Here is my lesson from society today: Women should be more sexually awakened and free with our bodies, and we should all be careful not to use “I love you” too often with our spouse or significant other. Does something feel wrong here?