The first time I wore pants to an LDS church was about three months ago. It. Was. Fabulous.
For those unfamiliar with the culture standards within an LDS Sacrament Meeting, it is generally a dress shoe, dress (or skirt), hosiery kind of event for women; a white shirt, tie, and dress shoes kind of event for men. It is my belief that one reason for this huge push towards skirts for women, ties for men is to emphasize even further gender differences and segregation. I find generally that when it comes to female and male, Mormons like very clear, bold, etched in stone lines that are not to be crossed. I'm not entirely sure what the big deal is, but this seems to be the way of it.
The first time I wore pants to my home ward, which I have attended for two and half years now, I was greeted as an investigator. This cracks me up just a little. What is it about pants that says, "I am an investigator"? Is it that I am obviously oblivious to the "right" way of dressing?
We are advised to wear Sunday best. Everyone's is different. Many times, my dress pants are way more dressy than the skirts and dresses I see (I'm not judging, merely setting up the comparison. I think you should worship in whatever works for you). If you wear denim to church, you forgo your right to criticize my dress pants. Sorry. Hubby gave me the advice to look up General Conference talks on skirts on LDS.org last night. Here are the results: 13 talks total include the word "skirt." Four discuss the length of skirts. Another four use the word "skirt" in a context besides an article of clothing. The last five describe what someone in a story is wearing. You know what "skirt" was not used for? To describe what you should or shouldn't wear to the church or the Temple. Although I did find a message from the First Presidency (The Prophet and his counselors) that reported that they intentionally did not dictate what Sunday Best is. So...quit being a hater.
I think this is a case of Crime as Normal. What is Crime as Normal? Gather round, children; it's Sociology time! The concept of Crime as Normal was created by Emile Durkheim. Oversimplified it means that crime is crime because it is different/ offensive to the society. The example that was used to first explain this to me was this: If there was a Utopian society in which everyone was the same and no one ever had a cold- no one ever coughed or sneezed- and one person sneezed regularly, that behavior would start off as strange, move towards inappropriate, inch towards offensive, and finally graduate to crime. So dear ones, my point is this: My wearing pants is not a bad thing unless it is simply because it makes others uncomfortable.
Another reaction I get quite often is discomfort or hostility. Many people chitter-chatter to others about the pants and their inappropriate appearance at church. About this I have several thoughts:
So let's get it out in the open; Why do I wear pants?
For those unfamiliar with the culture standards within an LDS Sacrament Meeting, it is generally a dress shoe, dress (or skirt), hosiery kind of event for women; a white shirt, tie, and dress shoes kind of event for men. It is my belief that one reason for this huge push towards skirts for women, ties for men is to emphasize even further gender differences and segregation. I find generally that when it comes to female and male, Mormons like very clear, bold, etched in stone lines that are not to be crossed. I'm not entirely sure what the big deal is, but this seems to be the way of it.
The first time I wore pants to my home ward, which I have attended for two and half years now, I was greeted as an investigator. This cracks me up just a little. What is it about pants that says, "I am an investigator"? Is it that I am obviously oblivious to the "right" way of dressing?
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| if you wear denim, good for you, but do not criticize my pants. |
I think this is a case of Crime as Normal. What is Crime as Normal? Gather round, children; it's Sociology time! The concept of Crime as Normal was created by Emile Durkheim. Oversimplified it means that crime is crime because it is different/ offensive to the society. The example that was used to first explain this to me was this: If there was a Utopian society in which everyone was the same and no one ever had a cold- no one ever coughed or sneezed- and one person sneezed regularly, that behavior would start off as strange, move towards inappropriate, inch towards offensive, and finally graduate to crime. So dear ones, my point is this: My wearing pants is not a bad thing unless it is simply because it makes others uncomfortable.
Another reaction I get quite often is discomfort or hostility. Many people chitter-chatter to others about the pants and their inappropriate appearance at church. About this I have several thoughts:
- Way to discuss how I am not being a very good Latter-day Saint via GOSSIP. That's pretty bold. Good job. As a side note, know that in most life scenarios, and in an LDS ward in particular, nothing you say will remain private, and inevitably, what you say will get back to the person who is the subject of your conversation.
- I'm curious as to what makes me unapproachable to ask about the pants. Is it me personally? Or the actual pants? Very few (as in one) people have outright asked about my reasons for wearing pants.
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| doesn't she look nice? |
- I have a young son who constant wiggles and pulls on my clothing- would you rather see my underwear or my pants?
- I have a young son who needs chasing after at a moments notice- there is no time to make sure everything is in a modest place.
- I prefer to sit cross legged (Indian style). Pants provide that ability.
- Skirts are so complicated. If the material pulls, I have to wear a slip. Not just any old slip, but a slip that won't slide down to be below the hem of my skirt or ride up to just below my breasts. UGH. This usually results in several trips to the bathroom to adjust and readjust all of my clothing.
- I don't have to shave my legs to wear pants in order to not get grossed out looks. Deal.
- Pants are warmer. I was in Ohio in January, and holy moley, I don't know why anyone there would even keep a skirt in their closet in the winter time.
My thoughts are that we pants wearers need to band together because there is strength in numbers. Check out Miri's blog about pants to church here. Also, if you think you'd be more comfortable in pants, do it! It is not a sin. If you feel the need to dress it up further than just dress pants, sport some high heels or pearls or fancy accessories. Break out of the box of social inertia.
14 comments:
It is really funny that you posted about this today because yesterday at church a new member wore a rockin' pants suit. She looked awesome and way dressier than the ladies trying to convince themselves that the t-shirt and every day skirt combo was more appropriate "Sunday dress."
Granted, here in Hawaii some of the men wear the traditional skirts too so the women have some competition on that front :o)
I love that men wear traditional skirts out there! It just goes to show that culture varies and is not set in stone.
There is a sister in our home ward who wears pants every Sunday and it is fine. Tradition runs deep in LDS culture and even when my oldest sister attended BYU, pants were not in the dress code for women and men had to wear collared shirts. I saw you in pants as I was searching for a particular parent and noticed about as much as I noticed another girl's cute spring printed skirt. The only thing I dont like females to wear at church are the plastic $1.99 flip flops that they wore to the beach the day before.
I occasionally wear pants to church. As far as I know, no one cares.
So I have decided that I am going to wear pants to church on Sunday for the first time. And I am speaking, so this could get interesting.
I feel so dumb that it has taken me this looong to break my head free from LDS traditional thinking.
Thanks for being you and writing all about it.
*I am very sorry if I have somehow offended you by suggesting this topic or anything else!*
Liz, you did not offend! I am so grateful for the feedback and encouragement to write about this.
A few things:
1. I think your pants look nice.
2. I have to confess, the first time I saw you at church with your pants, you also had a heart monitor poking out the top of your shirt, and my first thought was that you were suffering from a medical condition that precluded wearing pants.
3. I wouldn't judge you if you showed up with hairy legs. I do it all the time. On a good year, my leg hair gets removed a half dozen times. Also, it grows fast and is very thick and dark. And I almost never wear tights to cover it. Thus far, I have not noted any adverse reactions. Either I'm not paying enough attention, or people don't look at my legs that much.
4. I get the whole riding up/bunching/flashing people when wrestling with or chasing a baby thing. If pants brings the wearer calm and focus while attending church with children, s/he should DEFINITELY wear them. On the same note, if wearing pants would be uncomfortable or distracting (they would be for me...I'm a creature of habit) they shouldn't be worn.
5. I never asked about your pants because, knowing you, I assumed you had very legitimate and reasonable reasons for wearing them. I was right. There are lots of other people I wouldn't ask in the same situation because it would be seen as "calling them out."
6. Finally, this post reminded me of another blog post here: http://middle-agedmormonman.blogspot.com/2012/01/q-of-suits-beards.html
Among other things in the post is this thought:
"Some say dress and hair don’t matter—it’s what’s inside that counts. I believe that truly it is what’s inside a person that counts, but that’s what worries me. Casual dress at holy places and events is a message about what is inside a person. It may be pride or rebellion or something else, but at a minimum it says, “I don’t get it. I don’t understand the difference between the sacred and the profane.” In that condition they are easily drawn away from the Lord. They do not appreciate the value of what they have. I worry about them. Unless they can gain some understanding and capture some feeling for sacred things, they are at risk of eventually losing all that matters most. You are Saints of the great latter-day dispensation—look the part."
If pants do that for you, why not wear them? :)
Also, from Elder Holland:
Our clothing or footwear need never be expensive, indeed should not be expensive, but neither should it appear that we are on our way to the beach. When we come to worship the God and Father of us all and to partake of the sacrament symbolizing the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we should be as comely and respectful, as dignified and appropriate as we can be. We should be recognizable in appearance as well as in behavior that we truly are disciples of Christ, that in a spirit of worship we are meek and lowly of heart, that we truly desire the Savior’s Spirit to be with us always.
(There are lots of pants that fit this criteria, I think)
Your post ended up great, Blythe! I went on an internet break just after posting mine (right around the same time you posted this) so I didn't even see it until now. It looks like the subject went over really well on both our blogs, which is fantastic. Now I just hope more people will actually DO something about it, and decide to wear pants themselves; after all, it's much easier to support someone else doing it than it is to do it yourself. :) But that's what we need, is for a lot of people to do it. Change isn't helpful if it's too small to be noticed.
I've thought about the pants thing a lot. My general thoughts on the matter are that our society (ie. Western Culture as a whole) kind of dictates that formal wear for women equals a dress, or skirt. It's not really a mormon thing at all- look at any Hollywood starlet, and when they want to look their best (Red Carpet appearances, etc.) they put on a dress. I personally don't care what people choose to wear to church- I think it is just great that they're there!
I'm old enough to remember when Primary was held on a weekday after school. What I didn't like was being required to wear a dress to school because my mom would take us to Primary right after. It made me angry to have to wear a dress when the boys could go to Primary in their school clothes. I don't know how I managed it, but I distinctly remember sitting in the chapel wearing pants one time. I felt so rebellious inside.
I was feeling that same rebellion this past winter (I'm 44 now). It was a very cold, rainy day and I thought to myself, "This is ridiculous! My husband and son are nice and warm in slacks and dress shoes and I'm about to freeze wearing a skirt. So....I wore dress slacks and a nice blouse. My mom's face was one of shock, but no one else said anything. I loved being warm, but in the end, I didn't like feeling so rebellious inside.
I have taught my children that church is the place to wear the best that they have in order to show Heavenly Father that we respect His day. That means if the best you have is a tattered dress and shoes that don't match then it's ok. Heavenly Father sees what's in our hearts. I think the reason women wear dresses/skirts to church is because our American culture considers a dress for women to be dressier than slacks. I don't consider flip flops, a logo printed T-shirt, and a denim skirt the nicest items I own, so I won't wear that.
As I read through the comments several things came to mind; first yes we do have our free agency to make choices, second sometimes we become so focused on the issue that we forget the reason for the decision. There is probably nothing wrong with wearing slacks to Sacrament Meeting, however we must remember it is an Ordinance room where we participate in a very Sacred and Holy ordinance, just like the Temple. Would you wear slacks to the Temple, or through an Endowment session? It is still the Lord's House. We are entering His presence to partake of Sacred Covenants.
Clyde,
I can't speak for anyone else, but I would wear a pants in the temple, provided they were made to be temple appropriate. You should check out Heather's temple outfit: http://infiknity.blogspot.com/2012/01/temple-outfit.html
I love this outfit because it is everything that embodies temple clothing (white, modest, loose fitting, not flashy) and pants.
I personally think that while clothing is suppose to promote reverence, how to express that reverence is a personal choice clothing is still a personal choice. I think that is why GAs have never expressed exact outlines for temple wear to include anything other than white and modesty standards.
Thanks for the comment!
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