My social skills are not fantastic. That is a truth about me. I have a hard time making real friends, though given the chance, I am pretty good at getting people like me. A while back when I was working in as a server, I used my break to make cookies for the rest of the staff. I have found that it is really hard to be rude to someone when they bake you cookies.
I live within the boundaries of a pretty transient ward. About every year and half or so about 80% of the ward changes. That can make it somewhat difficult for someone like me in the friendship area. It makes it even more difficult when my belief system makes me stick out, so I work hard to be there whenever people need me. I try hard to not say no when anyone needs something. I have felt like the ward I have now is the best I have had since Hubby and I got married... until the chitter chatter started up again. And now, I feel a little blue.
My first instinct is to do some research, ask a few questions, and figure out exactly who said what and when. Then I ask myself, what good will that do? The only thing that will come of that is that I will feel more hurt and more awkward.
A couple years ago I toured a high security state prison for a sociology class. When the guard was explaining his job, he told us that several inmates swear up and down that they are innocent and that his response was always the same: Whether you are innocent or guilty at this point does not affect his job. That was a very interesting take away for me; His job is not judgment. His job is to guard. Likewise, my job is not judgment.
I think I need to establish my expectations of myself for how I treat people. Once I do that, I should treat everyone the same, which means the less I know about who has said mean things, the better. The same reason I got off of Facebook: I tend to like people more when I have less information. That means that my behavior is independent of how others treat me. That is how I will continue to progress.
1 comment:
Is there not a possibility you could be the rock/stability within the transience of the community. Make the very thing you've the issue with official as it were. I'll bet there are a few others that are in your situation.
I went to college as an adult. This is very unusual on this side of the Atlantic. And the loneliness was something palpable. The university knew the 'mature' students would have problems and did what they could. But this was too formal, and really what could the faculty do when there was 4000 18-22 year olds and 50ug's beyond 28. Anywoo's, I was involved with establishing a student society to ease the entry for those that came afterwards. It wasn't much, mostly an excuse to BBQ in the rain and annoy the bejappers out of lots of Galway pub landlords tying up space when they could have 20yo's sculling yards of beer.
And the society is still going http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yard_of_ale
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