Living in the same town I grew up in means it is fairly common for me to run into people I used to know, which leads to the exchange of where-are-you-now's.
Me: What are you up to these days?
These conversations (that I actually love because my friends are genuinely amazing) have inspired this post in which I will talk about why I personally chose my child(ren)'s upbringing and education
as my life career.
I have always loved the idea of working* at home. In the second grade I wanted to be a rancher where my work started as soon as my feet hit the ground. I drew pictures of my ranch, the layout of my crops and animals, and even designed my own house where apparently everyone I have ever met was going to live. Over the next ten years I developed other interests. I loved trigonometry and physics. I love biology and ROTC. That is why it may be surprising that when my 12th grade English teacher had us write papers on what we wanted to be whenever we were finished with our schooling, I wanted to be a SAHM. While I was trying to write my paper, I admitted, somewhat embarrassed, to my mom that what I wanted was to raise my kids. My mom told me she understood but helped direct me to what my teacher actually wanted of me.
By the time I was 21, I was dating my husband. Our dating was fun and lighthearted at times, but we also asked the tough questions and made real decisions in a very short amount of time (I guess that's pretty much the way of it when you become engaged after four months of dating...but I digress). As we began on the topic of children, he stated very plainly that he wanted one of us to stay home with our children. He said that he would prefer that I would stay home, but he understood that I might prefer that he stay home.** And so it was decided that for the majority of our kids formative years, my vocation would be them.
At the time I made that decision, in my mind being a SAHM meant that as long as the kids' bums and faces were clean and everyone was fed, my job was done. However, after having a child, I came to realize and appreciate that there is So. Much. More. I have been able to set the tone for my child's life and let him grow at his own pace. I get to give him individual attention. I get to know his little personality outside of meal time and bath time. It is amazing to me how knowing little nuances of his personality help me to adjust my mothering to him.
I am also very excited about the prospect of home school. I love the idea of catering the entire learning curriculum to my son and our family than sending him into a school where
a) the curriculum will be very general which means he either need extra attention or he will be bored. Either way, that can be avoided if I get to teach him at home.
b) I cannot control who goes in or out. Or who had guns. Or who points one at my child(ren).
c) I can lodge complaints but cannot stop or start what is being taught or not being taught to my son (Politics should not be taught in school, but it's crazy how hand in hand the two are).
On the other hand, I am able to pursue whatever else I want. I don't have a nine-to-five that doesn't allow me a cellphone call or internet access. Since becoming a SAHM, I have learned to garden, make lotions and soaps, and craft stuffed animals. I have done sociology research, volunteer work, and been a Primary teacher for church. If I had a job outside of my house, I really wonder when I would able to follow my open ended dreams of learning everything possible.
But how can I be feminist and stay at home with my kiddo? That's easy. Remember that feminism is not necessarily forcing everyone to do what men do but to have the opportunity. Feminism is the fact that my husband wanted one us to stay home rather than dictating that it had to be me. I feel the feminist view on SAHMs is to respect them more and honor that this job held primarily by women is not an easy or glamorous task. It should be given the credit it deserves.
* I do not equate the word "work" with the definition of being paid to a job. "Work" is doing a job for an specific outcome. Sometimes that outcome is monetary, most times it is not.
**Declarations like this make me love my husband about 1000 times even more than I already do.
Me: What are you up to these days?
Old Friend: I just graduated from *blank* school, and now I am working at *blank* office. I am working towards all my dreams coming true. I am fantastic (Okay, this may be exaggerated, but most of my friends are doing really well, and I am really glad for them). What are you doing these days?
Me: Well, I have a little boy who is almost two, and I am a full time mom and homemaker.
**awkward moment**
Old Friend: Oh. That's cool. Are you planning on working when he's in school? / What made you want to do that when you went to school for so long? / Another question about our childcare choices.
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| picture taken from soulsneverwrinkle |
as my life career.
I have always loved the idea of working* at home. In the second grade I wanted to be a rancher where my work started as soon as my feet hit the ground. I drew pictures of my ranch, the layout of my crops and animals, and even designed my own house where apparently everyone I have ever met was going to live. Over the next ten years I developed other interests. I loved trigonometry and physics. I love biology and ROTC. That is why it may be surprising that when my 12th grade English teacher had us write papers on what we wanted to be whenever we were finished with our schooling, I wanted to be a SAHM. While I was trying to write my paper, I admitted, somewhat embarrassed, to my mom that what I wanted was to raise my kids. My mom told me she understood but helped direct me to what my teacher actually wanted of me.
By the time I was 21, I was dating my husband. Our dating was fun and lighthearted at times, but we also asked the tough questions and made real decisions in a very short amount of time (I guess that's pretty much the way of it when you become engaged after four months of dating...but I digress). As we began on the topic of children, he stated very plainly that he wanted one of us to stay home with our children. He said that he would prefer that I would stay home, but he understood that I might prefer that he stay home.** And so it was decided that for the majority of our kids formative years, my vocation would be them.
At the time I made that decision, in my mind being a SAHM meant that as long as the kids' bums and faces were clean and everyone was fed, my job was done. However, after having a child, I came to realize and appreciate that there is So. Much. More. I have been able to set the tone for my child's life and let him grow at his own pace. I get to give him individual attention. I get to know his little personality outside of meal time and bath time. It is amazing to me how knowing little nuances of his personality help me to adjust my mothering to him.
 |
| taken from bellybootcamp |
a) the curriculum will be very general which means he either need extra attention or he will be bored. Either way, that can be avoided if I get to teach him at home.
b) I cannot control who goes in or out. Or who had guns. Or who points one at my child(ren).
c) I can lodge complaints but cannot stop or start what is being taught or not being taught to my son (Politics should not be taught in school, but it's crazy how hand in hand the two are).
On the other hand, I am able to pursue whatever else I want. I don't have a nine-to-five that doesn't allow me a cellphone call or internet access. Since becoming a SAHM, I have learned to garden, make lotions and soaps, and craft stuffed animals. I have done sociology research, volunteer work, and been a Primary teacher for church. If I had a job outside of my house, I really wonder when I would able to follow my open ended dreams of learning everything possible.
But how can I be feminist and stay at home with my kiddo? That's easy. Remember that feminism is not necessarily forcing everyone to do what men do but to have the opportunity. Feminism is the fact that my husband wanted one us to stay home rather than dictating that it had to be me. I feel the feminist view on SAHMs is to respect them more and honor that this job held primarily by women is not an easy or glamorous task. It should be given the credit it deserves.
Debunk the funk: Synonyms of the Stay At Home Mom
Housewife: This term irks me. Maybe it's because of all the media surrounding housewives these days, but the term feels demeaning. It gives me the impression of a pet one buys to take out at certain times to play with and then put back. Eww, gross. The same goes for trophy wife. Just don't.
Breeder: Umm... this just makers me think of The Giver's birth mothers who were not held in high esteem. It is both demeaning in that it gives low reverence to bringing forth new life and supposing that birthing is all that is done by a SAHM.
Breeder: Umm... this just makers me think of The Giver's birth mothers who were not held in high esteem. It is both demeaning in that it gives low reverence to bringing forth new life and supposing that birthing is all that is done by a SAHM.
Living a life of luxury: Well, that's just inaccurate. I spend my days sweaty while my son runs around the park, covered in food from three meals being thrown around the kitchen, and changing diapers. Weirdly, kid poop does not seem all that luxurious to me.
Homemaker: I can get on board with this. Not so much in the physical sense of the word "home," but I create the feeling of home by meeting the physical needs and emotional needs of my child(ren).
Domestic engineer: This is what my job title is on any tax forms or legal paperwork I fill out. The word itself means I construct the home life, so in essence, it's a fancy title for homemaker.
* I do not equate the word "work" with the definition of being paid to a job. "Work" is doing a job for an specific outcome. Sometimes that outcome is monetary, most times it is not.
**Declarations like this make me love my husband about 1000 times even more than I already do.
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