Music of the Month Club

Time for this month's music choices (because I am still pretending I update my music every month.  Right...) have one thing in common, and that is I listen to them when I am a little down.  The first I listen to because I feel a little darker, the second to pick me up.  Enjoy!

Regina Spektor:  Hero

The Kilkennys: Galway Girl

Family Friendly Workplace Benefits Everyone

One of the arguments I hear often that does not support equal pay regardless of gender is that women are more likely to stay home with sick children, take maternity leave, work fewer hours, and not be as present because of their care taking duties.  First of all, putting that blanket scenario on all women is discrimination.  Second of all, men should be stepping up to be caretakers, too. Third, this is described as a choice, though if you're coming from many Christian backgrounds or traditional United Statian* families, it may not seem like such a choice.  In fact, in the scientific study of the life course, being a caretaker (whether for children, aging parents, and other unexpected circumstances) has several stages.  I would argue that being a caretaker is a choice just as everything in life is a choice.  Another choice to make is whether or not to wear the same underwear for a week straight.  There are consequences, but hey, it's a choice, right?

Anyway, that's not what I am here to write about (Anyone else hearing Alice's Restaurant in their head?  "And we was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but that's not what I came to tell you about.  Came to talk about the draft."  If you don't get the reference, go Youtube Alice's Restaurant right now by clicking here.).

I came to write about making the workplace more family friendly.  Here are four suggestions of ways our workforce could become more family friendly:

1. Paid Maternity AND Paternity Leave:  This is so important so that Dad can bond with the newborn, but also logistically at home, particularly if there is more than one child in the house.  Caring for a newborn and other children after a Cesarean Section is even harder.  It is really necessary to have help, and shouldn't that help be from Dad?  It also allows fewer unfamiliar germs into the house.  I know one thing I obsessed over when Baby was first born was Hubby washing, washing, and scrubbing his hands when he came home from work.  This paid leave should also be guilt free.  No pressure from higher ups about this being inconvenient.  
2. Childcare Provided:  Not all employees would use it because of Stay At Home Parents (SAHP), a preference of a different childcare system, or the other parent using the childcare at their work facility.  This would allow both parents to work (I know this is not an LDS principle, but many families really need both parents in the workforce), while keeping the children nearby.  If the company is too small to arrange an actual child center of their own, they could provide other options with another facility.  It could be worked out.  I really believe this would solve so many of our poverty issues.  An added bonus is job creation.  
3. A Nursing Mother's Room:  it doesn't have to be over the top luxurious, but something private and quiet where a mother can pump every four hours.  This will cut down on leave taken to care for a sick baby because breastfed babies are sick way less often than their formula fed counterparts.  Breastfeeding also significantly reduces the risk of breast cancer, so that means fewer medical bills and less time away from work.
4. Adjustable Hours:  A work day could be from 7:00 AM until 9:00 PM, and workers could do whatever eight hour shift worked best for them and their family.  That could even include taking a six hour break somewhere in the middle if she or he preferred it.  That means less time taken away from work by appointments that can only be done during the day.  It means many more parents would be able to help out with schools.  

It is my belief that if we create a more family-friendly work environment, it would be easier to get back to those good old family centered values we're always hearing about while also creating equality and opportunity in the workforce.  Can you think of more ways to make the workplace more family friendly?


*Did you know in Central and South American they call people from the USA "United Statians" because they consider themselves to be Americans as well?  I think that's awesome.  

New Mormon Post Secret (if you really think about it)

While this may not strike you immediately as a Mormon Post Secret (and it very well may not be), Orson Scott Card is a Mormon, and that qualifies enough for the me post this secret.

To view my collection of Mormon Secrets click here.

Weird Connotation

Priesthood Does Not Equate Motherhood (And other thoughts)

Something that I hear often is that Priesthood is the equivalent of Motherhood.  I think that a concept like that diminishes the role of father. A father should be just as active in the raising of children as the mother.  Just as interested. Just as involved.
I was reading an article over here at Empowering LDS Women and enjoyed this chart:

The blogger then goes on to equate a woman's ability to give physical birth to a man's ability to give spiritual birth via the saving ordinances of the Priesthood.  However, that doesn't add up for me either.  Giving birth doesn't require a worthiness check.  It doesn't require an entire youth program to advance through milestones of separate "job well done"s like receiving the Aaronic Priesthood and the Melchizedek Priesthood.  Giving birth doesn't even require being a mother.  Likewise, being a mother doesn't require giving birth.  An adoptive mother is as much a mother as any other (Say that five time fast!).  So.  That explanation is a dead end.  

I would say that the only thing the Priesthood can be equated to is Priestess-hood (my online dictionary doesn't even recognize that as a word *sigh*).   It has been said to me that Priesthood is the most important duty of a man and that motherhood is the most important duty of a woman, but I am not the only person who disagrees with this.  President Ezra Taft Benson said, "We bring children into the world to become kings and queens, priests and priestesses for our Lord."*  That would imply that we (women) come here first and foremost to become priestesses.  I can live with that.  I can even live with the fact that our (women's) status of Priestess is not going to be realized in this lifetime, even though I don't understand why.  

What does actually bother me is the endless explanations of why it doesn't speak poorly of me to not have the Priesthood, pretending it's equal to some other aspect of my womanly life.  I am not two-  I don't need a made up explanation.  What bothers me more is the perceived inequity from small children when being explained that girls and women will never receive the priesthood.  

And it's not just that, the female youth are not nearly as celebrated or empowered as the male youth.  The Young Men go to all sorts of Courts of Honor, Eagle Scout Awards, Priesthood progressions, etc.  The Young Women do Personal Progress, but even that receives much less recognition than an Eagle Scout award.  

At one ward I attended, the Young Women were not allowed to feed the homeless because it was in a bad part of town and dangerous whereas the Young Men went once a month.  This in no way teaches equitable empowerment.  Quite the contrary.  It teaches them they are not as capable.  Fear shouldn't win.

I really believe if we started boys and girls off with the same amount of support, if we celebrated both sexes (and genders, but that's another issue) equally, if we empowered Young Women and Young Men, the whole issue of woman not having the Priesthood in this lifetime would be a non-issue.  

*From the talk Because I Live, Ye Shall Live Also

Summer Fun

We're trying to eek all the fun out of Summer that we possibly can these last few weeks of summer. We got our last beach trip in while Courtney was in town.  I was a little worried about the open beach and having a very active toddler, so I took the play yard out with us.  It was a bit of extra effort, but it was well worth it.  We set up the umbrella and a mat for Ezra and he went to town digging in the sand and filling the bucket.  I also got his final(ish) use out of this particular bathing suit.  That's the weird thing about kids to me-  they grow out of things so quickly and seasons change, so we can rarely use an outfit for more than a couple months. 

Because rainy days are so common in the summer, we have a plan B when we are going stir crazy in the house (Plan A being anything outdoors-  my mom says kids are like plants, needing water, sun, and dirt to grow properly).  That plan B is the play area in our local mall.  Apparently it's a meeting point for several playgroups.  Something interesting about Ezra is that he already likes to play with other children, not just alongside them.  Most children don't develop this social skill of thinking outside themselves until much later.  I'm kind of a proud mama on that front.  

Here's a video of him running around a bit at the play place.

Today, we went to the Riverbank Zoo for Ezra's first zoo trip.  Ezra seemed to really enjoy moving around in a new space and seeing all of the animals.  It was also not too hot, which made our entire party happy.  I still cover our little guy in SPF 50.  

Jason did a challenge course, climbing ropes  and other obstacles.  Here's at the very top in this picture.

 I think Ezra especially enjoyed feeding the animals.  The goats were more than happy to eat from our hands, as were the giraffes.  The video below is super cute, but taken after Ezra was starting to get tired.  He was a little unimpressed with the giraffe, but Jason and I were impressed enough for everyone!

 And as any fun-filled day, our ending looked something like this:

Humans of New York: I don't know yet

Another beautiful post from Brandon Stanton, creator of Humans of New York.  Click here to see my collection of favorite HoNY portraits.

"What's your favorite thing about your sister?"

"I don't know yet."

Remember, whether your sister or just another person you know, never stop looking for your favorite thing about her (or him).  

Division in the Ranks

Lately, particularly with the upcoming election, all I see is division.  Division between parties, division in parties, division in communities.  The two that hurt me most are division in church and division in feminist communities.  And while I expected it at church, I don't find a speech about why we currently need to go to war on Israel's behalf to be relevant to the scriptures.  There's probably a reason the First Presidency has asked us to keep politics out of our meetings.

At any rate, before all the election hullabaloo, I would see discussion of ideas.  It's human nature (Every time I use that phrase I start singing,  Why, why?  Tell 'em that it's human nature...) to disagree.  Who can say that her beliefs are 100% congruent with someone else she knows?  Certainly not me.   When my sister came to town (Look out for the post "When Sister Comes to Town"), we had many discussions, and we surely do not agree on everything.  However, the discussions gave us opportunities to learn about where we each stood and possibly gain new insight.  Possibly my favorite Humans of New York posting of all time is this one in which a girl is advised to read books by people who disagree with her.  Well, my recommendation is similar.  Talk to people to who disagree with you, and while you're talking, listen, too.  Even if your opinions don't change, you will learn so much.

As a feminist, I have gone through different phases-  just look through this blog.  In two years of writing, my feminism has morphed drastically.  I actually read posts I have written and consider taking them down because they are no longer an accurate depiction of what I believe.  I don't mostly because I find it uniquely interesting to read my progression thus far.

More to the point, there was a time I believed make up was a sign of submission and shaving your legs was selling yourself out (I can still argue this point, I just don't buy into it anymore).  I feel like (some) feminists have this ideal feminist in their minds that if you, as a woman, are not trying to be, well then you are not part of the feminist club.  Instead of discussing, I feel like there is a feminist dictating what I should be as a feminist, and really how is that any better than a men calling the shots?

I still feel feminist shame that I am pro-Life (any discussion related to this should be done privately because I refuse to be ganged up on when discussing this).  I painted my nails the other day and thought, Ooh, my feminism is getting rusty.   But it's not.  Somehow, I have to reconcile that being society prescribed feminine does not mean I am not a good feminist. In the words of Jessica Valenti, "It's all about the consciousness of your decisions."

The more we qualify what a feminist must be and tear one another down, the more we will those dreaded words: I am not a feminist, but...

And those are not the words by which I want the Third Wave to end.

The Language of Debate

I saw this meme posted on Facebook a few days ago and it made me angry and hurt.  

STOP:  This post is not in any way, shape, or form to argue about the money aspect of this issue.  This post is NOT about to talk about whether birth control should be free or not.  

The part about this meme that gets to me is the "or" part: "Or you're a party favor."

I agree that this is a topic worth discussing.  People have strong, contrasting, and albeit, valid arguments on both sides of table.  However, people need to construct arguments that are based on the issue rather than name calling.

These are the type of comments that were left on this Facebook meme (yes, I realize I left their full names out there.  Facebook is a public place, so I don't feel bad associating their names with their opinions on the internet).

Nancy Landeros Get your johns to pay for this service. I dont hear prostitutes asking for us to pay for their party toys

Caro Verdugo as a typical dem, she is way too unattractive for anyone to spend money on her

Charles Nungester A busy hooker wouldn't need that much

Ryan Davis Sandra, contraceptives won't fix being ugly ya know?

Candy L. Wiersema Actually, Rush was wrong on this one. A slut does anyone for free, a whore wants to get paid. So, I submit, she's a whore

You can see a full list of the comments here as there are too many to list and some that are simply too vulgar.

The flip side of this is that men in political debates are seldom (I know it happens, but far less than to women) attacked like this.  If a man makes a statement with which people disagree, no one says, "Yeah?  Well he's ugly!"  or "He's a -insert male version of whore here."  News flash:  a person's looks and sexual activity are irrelevant in an argument.  Perhaps a focus on the issue at hand would be more useful.

Oh wait, there is no male version of the word whore.  You may be thinking about the word "gigolo," so let me ask you, when was the last time you heard someone actually use that word as an insult?  Let's play a game.  Make a list of all the insults you can call a woman.  I'll keep it clean  on here because this is, after all, read by lots of LDS members- and my in-laws who are probably horrified already at the language I have allowed on this blog (Sorry, ya'll).   Now make a list of insults you can call a man.  Compare and contrast.

Chances are you have a ton more of the female list.  Chances are the majority on the list for men challenge their sexuality by suggesting some kind of female quality to them. I have written them out several times here, but I can't bring myself to actually publish them.  If you have questions privately, feel free to email me.

But let's go back to the insults about Sandra Fluke.  These are not teenagers making these comments, spewing these names.  These are grown adults-  shouldn't they know better how to make an intelligent and concise argument?  One would think, but evidence shows otherwise.  It makes me think of a playground situation where two kids are fighting about the ownership of a toy, when one of them stands up and says, "Well, you're ugly!"
Grow up and cut that garbage out.  It didn't solve anything then, and it doesn't solve anything now.

A reminder for comment civility

My husband says to just let this go because if I keep thinking about it, I'll make myself crazy.  He thinks if I am going to put myself out there on a public and controversial blog, I need to develop thicker skin.  And I know he is absolutely right.

That's why I am not lining up the time stamp with the map hit from the comment I received today.  I will simply reiterate my comment policy, which is that I will not post any comment that is hurtful, disrespectful, or make personal accusations-  particularly from an anonymous comment-er-  there is only one person I can imagine that I deserve that from, and he is too classy to do that.  Anonymous comments will be under extra scrutiny due to not revealing their identity.  Guerrilla warfare is cowardly, not appreciated on this blog, and will not be posted.

I am always open for a personal conversation about anything, including but not limited to my religious beliefs, my past choices, my current choices and life style, and world issues (mostly current because I am not much of a historian) at my email address which is jlbmcc@gmail.com.  The proverbial door is always open, even if you disagree with my choices.

Lastly, I would like to really thank the people that have shown me so much love over the past two years and have come out and shared opinions, beliefs, and comments.  Ya'll are really amazing!  Thank you so much!