Lately, particularly with the upcoming election, all I see is division. Division between parties, division in parties, division in communities. The two that hurt me most are division in church and division in feminist communities. And while I expected it at church, I don't find a speech about why we currently need to go to war on Israel's behalf to be relevant to the scriptures. There's probably a reason the First Presidency has asked us to keep politics out of our meetings.
At any rate, before all the election hullabaloo, I would see discussion of ideas. It's human nature (Every time I use that phrase I start singing, Why, why? Tell 'em that it's human nature...) to disagree. Who can say that her beliefs are 100% congruent with someone else she knows? Certainly not me. When my sister came to town (Look out for the post "When Sister Comes to Town"), we had many discussions, and we surely do not agree on everything. However, the discussions gave us opportunities to learn about where we each stood and possibly gain new insight. Possibly my favorite Humans of New York posting of all time is this one in which a girl is advised to read books by people who disagree with her. Well, my recommendation is similar. Talk to people to who disagree with you, and while you're talking, listen, too. Even if your opinions don't change, you will learn so much.
As a feminist, I have gone through different phases- just look through this blog. In two years of writing, my feminism has morphed drastically. I actually read posts I have written and consider taking them down because they are no longer an accurate depiction of what I believe. I don't mostly because I find it uniquely interesting to read my progression thus far.
More to the point, there was a time I believed make up was a sign of submission and shaving your legs was selling yourself out (I can still argue this point, I just don't buy into it anymore). I feel like (some) feminists have this ideal feminist in their minds that if you, as a woman, are not trying to be, well then you are not part of the feminist club. Instead of discussing, I feel like there is a feminist dictating what I should be as a feminist, and really how is that any better than a men calling the shots?
I still feel feminist shame that I am pro-Life (any discussion related to this should be done privately because I refuse to be ganged up on when discussing this). I painted my nails the other day and thought, Ooh, my feminism is getting rusty. But it's not. Somehow, I have to reconcile that being society prescribed feminine does not mean I am not a good feminist. In the words of Jessica Valenti, "It's all about the consciousness of your decisions."
The more we qualify what a feminist must be and tear one another down, the more we will those dreaded words: I am not a feminist, but...
And those are not the words by which I want the Third Wave to end.
At any rate, before all the election hullabaloo, I would see discussion of ideas. It's human nature (Every time I use that phrase I start singing, Why, why? Tell 'em that it's human nature...) to disagree. Who can say that her beliefs are 100% congruent with someone else she knows? Certainly not me. When my sister came to town (Look out for the post "When Sister Comes to Town"), we had many discussions, and we surely do not agree on everything. However, the discussions gave us opportunities to learn about where we each stood and possibly gain new insight. Possibly my favorite Humans of New York posting of all time is this one in which a girl is advised to read books by people who disagree with her. Well, my recommendation is similar. Talk to people to who disagree with you, and while you're talking, listen, too. Even if your opinions don't change, you will learn so much. As a feminist, I have gone through different phases- just look through this blog. In two years of writing, my feminism has morphed drastically. I actually read posts I have written and consider taking them down because they are no longer an accurate depiction of what I believe. I don't mostly because I find it uniquely interesting to read my progression thus far.
More to the point, there was a time I believed make up was a sign of submission and shaving your legs was selling yourself out (I can still argue this point, I just don't buy into it anymore). I feel like (some) feminists have this ideal feminist in their minds that if you, as a woman, are not trying to be, well then you are not part of the feminist club. Instead of discussing, I feel like there is a feminist dictating what I should be as a feminist, and really how is that any better than a men calling the shots?I still feel feminist shame that I am pro-Life (any discussion related to this should be done privately because I refuse to be ganged up on when discussing this). I painted my nails the other day and thought, Ooh, my feminism is getting rusty. But it's not. Somehow, I have to reconcile that being society prescribed feminine does not mean I am not a good feminist. In the words of Jessica Valenti, "It's all about the consciousness of your decisions."
The more we qualify what a feminist must be and tear one another down, the more we will those dreaded words: I am not a feminist, but...
And those are not the words by which I want the Third Wave to end.
5 comments:
AMEN!!!
And just for the record I am very traditional in my views about the roles of men and women. I would say I am pretty far from a feminist.
BUT I love reading your blog!! I have never met a Mormon feminist before. It is eye opening and refreshing to hear a different point of view.
While my views on men and women's roles have not changed, I feel enlightened and educated because of the things I read on here. It is thought provoking and I feel it is a safe place to express freely my opinions, even when they don't parallel yours.
That is very hard to do on the internet. Thanks for that!!!
Hmmmm-zies, there is more than one bounce in this post.
First though, I've been reading a few of your back posts and sometimes I agree, sometimes I profoundly disagree. There are some I burst out laughing and others where I was spitting feathers. All this is part and parcel of the differences between people. It is this where you fall foul of the movement.
Any movement to believe itself existing has two loci for their focus. Outside and inside. And of the two it is far far more fixated on the errors of those inside. You need to think Inquisition, and that's not too far a comparison.
Of course that the hirsute sprouting is a function of family planning and so directly caused by man seems to have by-passed the logic node. Where women who live without the pill of other pharmaceutical interventions do not have the same degree of exponential -what's the best word here- growth.
Anyhows. As with any army, the earlier the indoctrination the better. And as with any army it is better that the members are unmarried and without kids. Both these allow for that unexamined group think where if you only speak to those within your certainty of your certainty is reinforced. 'Zact same as in Wall St a few years ago which got us into this mess economically speaking.
(chuckle)As to the nail painting, there is no excuse for that. In fact it probably indicates you have way too much time on your hands.
Shannon, I always appreciate your input. It's honest and real, and moreover, raw. It fosters the kind of discussion I want here.
Vince, I think I am learning how to read your language better over time- I'm glad you have stuck around long enough for me to do so. I hope you feel humored more than angry, but either way, other opinions are always welcome. Would you be more inclined to excuse me blatant waste of time if I said I painted my nails WHILE nursing my son :) ?
Odd the different attitudes to nursing. Here in Europe were you out at the supermarket shopping and feeding your kid, no one would bat an eyelid. But the self same people at a restaurant would consider you an animal were you to feed even under a cape. Myself I don't really see the difference, but some do. And I read in the States it 'really' depends where you happen to be living.
As to the nail varnish, weren't you taking a bit of a chance that he wouldn't reach out an arm and hit the bottle slathering you both in vibrant ink.
Indeed. I like to live on the edge.
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