Hubby says often times that I look for trouble, and I can see what he means. I find myself looking ahead in our life's journey for problematic issues that may/will arise, and then I proceed to worry until I figure out a solution or how I want to handle the situation. Speaking only for myself, I will say that acting and following through on what I believe is So. Much. Easier when I have prepared ahead of time. Prepare what? you may ask. Here are a few examples of what and how I prepare:
- How far I will let someone's condescension go before I verbally correct them. An example of this would be a car salesman referring to my husband as "Sir" and me as "Wifey." My solution is to assume the first time is an honest mistake, and that said salesman will get the hint from my look of derision that calling me "Wifey" is completely unacceptable. The second time, I will verbally tell him, "My name is Blythe." And trust me, he will not call me "Wifey" again without me walking out of the door (Yes, the first two actually happened).
- How bad the environment is before I remove my family and myself from it. Think a baseball game- How many F-bombs do I sit through before I decide my little kid's ears need to be protected? I don't know, I think it depends on the frequency. I can handle a sporadic curse here and there, but a slew of f-bombs? I'm probably going to turn around and ask them to keep it at least PG 13. If it continues, I will leave.
- How different an organization's ideals can be from mine before I separate myself (and consequently my family) from it. An example is Boy Scouts of America (BSA). The Church's Young Men's Program is very closely linked with BSA- My husband's family, I am very proud to say, are all Eagle Scouts. However, their declaration that openly gay youth may not participate in the program is discrimination at its finest. It is my knowledge, and correct me if I am wrong, that the Church has no problem with same-sex attracted individuals. It is the acting upon such attraction (thus breaking the law of chastity) that the Church opposes.
I applaud the work and discipline gained through BSA. I think it is tremendous when an Eagle Scout Award is given. On the other hand, I believe quite wholeheartedly that discrimination of this kind is wrong. I do not condone it, and I cannot support it. Therefore, now I feel the need to prepare for this situation that will be a big deal in my family and church life in the future.
Will I deny my son the opportunity to be a part of BSA? Will this mean he loses out on socializing with other Young Men? Will this attach a stigma to him? Will he feel left out?
I know for certain Hubby will be upset. Like I previously stated, I am so proud of him for being an Eagle Scout, but wouldn't I be just as proud of him if he did the work and didn't have the title of "Eagle Scout?" Of course I would. I have been bouncing around the idea of having Hubby independently do Scout activities with the boys so that they have the experience without giving support to BSA. My hope is that in ten years when my little one is preparing for Young Men that this will have completely resolved itself. Ten years is a long time. So much can change. I guess that's why my husband says I look for trouble...
Acknowledging that no one is going to change my mind about supporting Scouts, how do you think I should handle it? What is the best way to make sure that my kiddo is not a weirdo in Young Men (Well... to the best of my ability)? Is it a huge deal to not be at Mutual three weeks out of four? What you do think and what is your experience?
*Turns out I'm not the only one with this issue. Check out this Doves and Serpents blog.
10 comments:
This is tough Blythe. I've typed 3 different responses and I'm not sure what is best. I wish the church had a program separate but similar to scouts because it is not the policy of the church to deny participation in activities based on sexual orientation. A youth leader would not(I hope)turn away a youth from scouts because of their orientation. I think I would let my child do Scouts but make sure they understand where their religious beliefs are in conflict with the policy of the scouts. I don't think you have to agree 100% with them to participate. I would hate for my kids to miss out on all the positives of scouts. But I can understand why you want to be firm in your resolve to not include him in an organization that has this discriminatory policy.
I read both articles. It is too bad that adults made the decision in the BSA organization because I believe her son in the other blog hit the nail on the head on exactly what BSA is supposed to be about. That might put your mind at ease if you can keep that in mind but I don't know because I must admit we left an organization becuase of its policies. Andy has an Eagle also and must glad he does before this happened.
I understand your concerns, but here's something you may want to think about. Anything that you get your children involved in that is outside your home (even at church sometimes) is going to have these kinds of problems. Kids swear a LOT at school and descrimination is found in many different ways in many walks of life. I want to pick more wholesome things for my kids to do and I think BSA is one of them. It can only do good for my kids so my boys will do it. A note on gays in the church, the church sympathizes with people who have tendancies toward the same sex but any kind of persuit towards those desires is considered sin, even if they don't break the law of Chastity. To me, if an organization decides to leave a certain group of people out then I think that is their choice and I respect that. I mean, I guess the lord must descriminate REALLY bad since he won't let gays into the kingdom of heaven. God loves all his children but he can't change his standards. If we want the kingdom of heaven then we have to rise up to the occasion or be content with the way it is. Same thing with BSA.
" I mean, I guess the lord must descriminate REALLY bad since he won't let gays into the kingdom of heaven."
I don't believe that for a second. There is no where in LDS doctrine that says homosexuals cannot enter the kingdom of heaven. Like I stated in the blog, I know personally many homosexuals who have current Temple Recommends. Don't you believe if they are temple worthy, then they heaven worthy?
I think you are blurring the lines between homosexuals and homosexuals acting on their feelings. You should check out this blog: http://www.joshweed.com/2012/06/club-unicorn-in-which-i-come-out-of.html
This guy is openly gay and still lives according to LDS beliefs. Do you think he will be denied into the kingdom of heaven? I don't. But he would be denied to participate in BSA.
I agree, it is their choice as to who they want to leave out, but I would prefer my children spend their time participating in programs that focus on the values of BSA and acceptance. If a movie is considered inappropriate because it has one bad scene in it, I think a program can be bad because it has one bad policy.
I understand people want there children to be open to all sorts of people , lifestyles but as a parent it is your job to protect your children and introduce them to those sorts of thing when it is the right time, I personally dont want that to be forced on my child . When I was little I knew my sister had a Gf but my parents had certain rules for her and her Gf cause I was 4 or 5 at the time. As for the guy in the blog I dont think he is truely living the right way, he hasnt been totally honest with everyone around him until ten yrs after he is married 3 kids later . he is living the way heterosexuals live
It seems like he's darned if he does and darned if he doesn't from your explanation. He was honest with his wife upfront. Who else besides his wife and God need to be in the loop about his sexual preference? Furthermore, he is stigmatized and ostracized if he leads a life of homosexuality, but is criticized when he lives like a homosexual.
As for my children, I will try to teach them love, compassion, and acceptance before (if ever) teaching them how to judge others.
Marcene, I agree. There is so much GOOD that comes with Scouts. I really wish the church would form its own program, too. Something I have been thinking about is letting him choose for himself. Perhaps giving him information about Scouts as a whole, the good and bad, and letting him choose what he will want to do. That's the idea anyway, right? To raise children who can eventually make their own decisions...
But that is so freaking hard.
I have know many people that were married with kids that realized hey Im gay and it isnt being honest to myself . And what bout his temple interviews .
Blythe, I meant people who act on their gay feelings. Sorry I didn't clarify that. That blog was exactly right and I didn't mean to communicate that the wrong way. Most people who are openly gay "come out of the box" so they can feel more comfortable practicing it. Josh Weed is the exception. By all means he should be allowed to be part of BSA, but anyone who is "actively gay" will not enter the kingdom of heaven and should not be a part of BSA. That is what I meant by "rise up to the occasion" and that's what Josh Weed did. I think we're just about on the same page and we just didn't realize it. Sorry about the mis-communication.
On a similar note, I think Josh should be allowed to be a part of BSA but how can we include him and exclude actively practicing gays at the same time? That is a tough distinction to put on paper (which the Weed's managed to do beautifully), and an even tougher distinction in practice. It's unfortunate and unfair for people like Josh, but he seems like such a nice guy that I think if someone were to explain it to him that way, then he would understand.
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