A couple weeks ago I was having a really hard time. Never mind the reason(s)- to be quite honest, I don't know that there was one. I was merely taking the hardest route possible in my day to day life. It was one of those weeks where somewhere at a low point I let myself think to what other women my age are doing at this point. I know some think that 25-year-olds everywhere are either married with children or wish to be, but I grew up outside the Mormon Bubble. Women my age outside the Mormon bubble are generally not even thinking about marriage. My thoughts went something like this:
I'm driving to the grocery store with my little one in tow. Of course he's crying because he hates his car seat. Hubby is at home sick-ish while working his way back into rotating shift work. I hate sharing a car, but I'm trying really hard to be optimistic and not take advantage of the people who caused my accident. If I were a normal 25 year old woman, I would be thinking about the friends I was meeting at the bar later tonight. If I were a normal 25 year old woman, I would have a clean apartment either to myself or with a roommate. I got on the phone to for some support. I said that I felt like a cocktail or two would make everything so. much. easier. And then the person on the other end of the line said, "Then why make life so hard?" I have thought about it a lot, and here is why I am okay forgoing the cocktail that would make life seem so much easier:
First off, I truly believe that God has a plan for me. I have seen the blessings of not drinking alcohol (anymore) in my life. I never have to worry if I am on or off baby duty before a drink. Fewer (because so much comes out of my mouth that shouldn't anyway...) obnoxious and inappropriate things come flying out of my mouth. But most importantly, I have to work clear-headed through all of the hard stuff. This has helped me learn patience (still working on this), good decision making (yeah, still working on this, too), and facing problems head on (okay, so all of these are works in progress....). I accept that it's harder because I am learning more. I feel that everyday I have learned so much more about how to become who I want to be than I did when I finished the day with that amaretto sour. And I feel very grateful for the clarity.
I'm driving to the grocery store with my little one in tow. Of course he's crying because he hates his car seat. Hubby is at home sick-ish while working his way back into rotating shift work. I hate sharing a car, but I'm trying really hard to be optimistic and not take advantage of the people who caused my accident. If I were a normal 25 year old woman, I would be thinking about the friends I was meeting at the bar later tonight. If I were a normal 25 year old woman, I would have a clean apartment either to myself or with a roommate. I got on the phone to for some support. I said that I felt like a cocktail or two would make everything so. much. easier. And then the person on the other end of the line said, "Then why make life so hard?" I have thought about it a lot, and here is why I am okay forgoing the cocktail that would make life seem so much easier:
First off, I truly believe that God has a plan for me. I have seen the blessings of not drinking alcohol (anymore) in my life. I never have to worry if I am on or off baby duty before a drink. Fewer (because so much comes out of my mouth that shouldn't anyway...) obnoxious and inappropriate things come flying out of my mouth. But most importantly, I have to work clear-headed through all of the hard stuff. This has helped me learn patience (still working on this), good decision making (yeah, still working on this, too), and facing problems head on (okay, so all of these are works in progress....). I accept that it's harder because I am learning more. I feel that everyday I have learned so much more about how to become who I want to be than I did when I finished the day with that amaretto sour. And I feel very grateful for the clarity.
2 comments:
Other 25 year olds sound boring as hell. I find it's a Prince and the Pauper situation. I get in those moods too where I'm just like "It must be nice being "free"". But really, I have a lot more freedom than most. I have a career, a wife who loves the shit out of me (and it's mutual), some kick ass kicks, and some great friends. Life's fucking good now and I don't have the burden of having to be preoccupied with simply living. I can actually kick back and just live and enjoy it.
To me, the only thing that's important is that this is a conscious choice based on what works for you. I think that makes it perfect, even if it's hard. And I'm sorry you've been having a hard time, but I'm glad there are good things for you to get out of it.
Post a Comment