Boycotting

I have heard a lot about the Chick-fil-a goings on about supporting anti-gay agendas (it's like the so-called "gay agenda," only opposing), and I have heard a lot about boycotting Chick-fil-a.  I have also heard and read a lot of gripe from the pro-Chick-fil-a crowd about the boycott.  Complaints have filled up Facebook, declaring that those who are boycotting are being silly; that in fact, the boycott-ers are the truly intolerant one because they can't accept someone having different beliefs than themselves.  These public declarations denounce the boycott, calling it pointless.

To be frank, I think we need to have a talk about the purpose of a boycott.  The basic definition (there is one more complicated that involves coercion and intimidation) of a boycott is to abstain from buying or using.  I would personally add (though my name be not Webster) that for product abstinence to be cataloged under "Boycott" that a political or personal or moral statement is being made.

In applying this to the Chick-fil-a debacle, one might ask why people would boycott an organization simply for the owner having a difference of opinion.  It's true, that would be quite silly.  However, the boycott is not opposing Chick-fil-a's president Dan Cathy.  The boycott is opposing anti-gay groups.  Think about it for a minute.  Chick-fil-a makes multi-million dollar donations to anti-gay groups.  How does Chick-fil-a get the money for such donations?  Through patrons' money used to buy their product.    I personally find it merely responsible to know just who/ what your are supporting with your money (both directly and indirectly).
Pretend for a moment that rather than donating millions of dollars to anti-gay groups that Chick-fil-a was donating that money to groups that supported or even funded abortion clinics.  How fast do you think all the boycott nay-sayers would become complete anti-Chick-fil-a activists?  My guess is pretty quick, and understandably because abortion is something they neither support nor want to fund in any manner.  Well, lots of people don't want to fund anti-gay groups.  It's that simple.

My point is this:  whether pro- or anti- a particular boycott, there is no reason to bad mouth the people participating in the boycott.  Cut that garbage out.  Support your cause and let others support theirs.  Have you ever boycott something?

Young Men and Boy Scouts

Hubby says often times that I look for trouble, and I can see what he means.  I find myself looking ahead in our life's journey for problematic issues that may/will arise, and then I proceed to worry until I figure out a solution or how I want to handle the situation.  Speaking only for myself, I will say that acting and following through on what I believe is So. Much. Easier when I have prepared ahead of time.  Prepare what? you may ask.
Here are a few examples of what and how I prepare:

1. How far I will let someone's condescension go before I verbally correct them.  An example of this would be a car salesman referring to my husband as "Sir" and me as "Wifey."  My solution is to assume the first time is an honest mistake, and that said salesman will get the hint from my look of derision that calling me "Wifey" is completely unacceptable.  The second time, I will verbally tell him, "My name is Blythe."  And trust me, he will not call me "Wifey" again without me walking out of the door (Yes, the first two actually happened).
2. How bad the environment is before I remove my family and myself from it.  Think a baseball game- How many F-bombs do I sit through before I decide my little kid's ears need to be protected?  I don't know, I think it depends on the frequency.  I can handle a sporadic curse here and there, but a slew of f-bombs?  I'm probably going to turn around and ask them to keep it at least PG 13.  If it continues, I will leave.   
3. How different an organization's ideals can be from mine before I separate myself (and consequently my family) from it.  An example is Boy Scouts of America (BSA).  The Church's Young Men's Program is very closely linked with BSA-  My husband's family, I am very proud to say, are all Eagle Scouts.    However, their declaration that openly gay youth may not participate in the program is discrimination at its finest.  It is my knowledge, and correct me if I am wrong, that the Church has no problem with same-sex attracted individuals.  It is the acting upon such attraction (thus breaking the law of chastity) that the Church opposes.  

This really has me worried because I haven't figured out my solution to this particular problem yet.    I know many openly gay and lesbian individuals who are in good standing in the Church.  How does a Church-sponsored program (this is coming straight out of CHI 2) exclude Young Men who haven't done anything wrong?  This is not an attack-  it's a genuine question.  

I applaud the work and discipline gained through BSA.  I think it is tremendous when an Eagle Scout Award is given.  On the other hand, I believe quite wholeheartedly that discrimination of this kind is wrong.  I do not condone it, and I cannot support it.  Therefore, now I feel the need to prepare for this situation that will be a big deal in my family and church life in the future.  

Will I deny my son the opportunity to be a part of BSA?  Will this mean he loses out on socializing with other Young Men?  Will this attach a stigma to him?  Will he feel left out?  

I know for certain Hubby will be upset.  Like I previously stated, I am so proud of him for being an Eagle Scout, but wouldn't I be just as proud of him if he did the work and didn't have the title of "Eagle Scout?"  Of course I would.  I have been bouncing around the idea of having Hubby independently do Scout activities with the boys so that they have the experience without giving support to BSA.  My hope is that in ten years when my little one is preparing for Young Men that this will have completely resolved itself.  Ten years is a long time.  So much can change.  I guess that's why my husband says I look for trouble...

Acknowledging that no one is going to change my mind about supporting Scouts, how do you think I should handle it?  What is the best way to make sure that my kiddo is not a weirdo in Young Men (Well...  to the best of my ability)?  Is it a huge deal to not be at Mutual three weeks out of four?  What you do think and what is your experience?

*Turns out I'm not the only one with this issue.  Check out this Doves and Serpents blog.

Sunday Secret of the Mormon variety

From Post Secret, a new Mormon secret was posted this Sunday.  I was going to post it on the blog, but it seems somewhat irreverent.  I remember at my baptism, we were told no picture during the actual ordinance.  I don't know if that is an actual rule or not, but whatever.  I figure I won't make people any more uncomfortable than I already do, so if you choose to, you can view the secret here.  However, know in advance it is a picture of a baptism.

Testimony Sunday

A couple weeks ago I was having a really hard time.  Never mind the reason(s)- to be quite honest, I don't know that there was one.  I was merely taking the hardest route possible in my day to day life.  It was one of those weeks where somewhere at a low point I let myself think to what other women my age are doing at this point.  I know some think that 25-year-olds everywhere are either married with children or wish to be, but I grew up outside the Mormon Bubble. Women my age outside the Mormon bubble are generally not even thinking about marriage.  My thoughts went something like this:

I'm driving to the grocery store with my little one in tow.  Of course he's crying because he hates his car seat.  Hubby is at home sick-ish while working his way back into rotating shift work.  I hate sharing a car, but I'm trying really hard to be optimistic and not take advantage of the people who caused my accident.  If I were a normal 25 year old woman, I would be thinking about the friends I was meeting at the bar later tonight.  If I were a normal 25 year old woman, I would have a clean apartment either to myself or with a roommate.  I got on the phone to for some support.  I said that I felt like a cocktail or two would make everything so. much. easier.  And then the person on the other end of the line said, "Then why make life so hard?"  I have thought about it a lot, and here is why I am okay forgoing the cocktail that would make life seem so much easier:

First off, I truly believe that God has a plan for me.  I have seen the blessings of not drinking alcohol (anymore) in my life.  I never have to worry if I am on or off baby duty before a drink.  Fewer (because so much comes out of my mouth that shouldn't anyway...) obnoxious and inappropriate things come flying out of my mouth.  But most importantly, I have to work clear-headed through all of the hard stuff.  This has helped me learn patience (still working on this), good decision making (yeah, still working on this, too), and facing problems head on (okay, so all of these are works in progress....).  I accept that it's harder because I am learning more.  I feel that everyday I have learned so much more about how to become who I want to be than I did when I finished the day with that amaretto sour.  And I feel very grateful for the clarity.  

Snarky Modesty Comic...

... to go along with my modesty post

Given to me by Alexandra Holbrook-  Thanks!

Recap of the Charleston Pride Parade

Baby and I were excited to go to the Charleston Pride Parade.  The floats were pretty cool, but I loved the banners most. They included phrases like "Equal means everyone" and "Freedom can't protect itself."  One guy, named Tommy, wore a sign that I have seen go around Facebook.  It said,

"Love thy neighbor.  Love thy homeless neighbor.  Love thy Muslim neighbor.  Love thy black neighbor.  Love thy gay neighbor.  Love thy immigrant neighbor.  Love thy Jewish neighbor.  Love thy Christian neighbor.  Love thy Atheist neighbor.  Love thy disabled neighbor.  Love thy addicted neighbor."  I really enjoyed how this day was all about acceptance and love.  There was no hate in attendance.   It was also a family affair.  I was able to take a picture of Tracy and her grandchildren.  

A question that I get a lot, some in jest but many, MANY seriously, is am I trying to make my son gay? The answer is no, I am not.  However, I am trying to teach him that everyone has a responsibility to stand up for what is right.  Everyone has a responsibility to promote equality.  Also, if my son is gay, how can I wait until he tells me this to start being an activist for LGBT rights?  Wouldn't that be a bit hypocritical?  Won't he be looking at my opinions and interactions long before we had that conversation?  

Baby's favorite part was getting beads thrown to him from a float.  I think we walked over two miles celebrating.   It was a really fun event!  

Tidbits from the week

This week has been hard for me, so there is no real put together topic for this post-  it's going to be a little of this, a little of that.  I started my week seeing another feminist secret this week on the Post Secret Blog.  It served as a reminder to me that we are all hypocrites until we're perfect (which I don't really believe to be attainable in this life), so we need to cut others and ourselves some slack.    To the author of this secret:  You are not a failure-  you need help and support.  Don't we all?

I started my book review for Cinderella Ate My Daughter, by Peggy Orenstein.  Get excited for that because it was excellent book, and I have so much to say about it that it is turning into a huge project simply organizing my thoughts about it.  I feel like I am back in college writing a paper.  Anyone with a daughter-Heck, anyone with a kid or who has been a kid- I think you should read this book.  But more on that whenever I have the time to post my book review.

Last week while shopping for some kiddo stuff, I saw this little number in the infant section.  I haven't worked out the details in my mind, but I would rather my little swim naked than swim in this.  I think it has to do with naked being chalked up to her being a baby, but this swimsuit begin sexualization in infancy.  But how?  I need help identifying what it is that makes it so, but I truly believe naked would be more appropriate.  Please leave your ideas in the comments below.  Or if you feel like being more private about it, email me.

Here's another random:  I have noticed recently that it would seem I am more drawn to music from male musicians.  It's weird.  I noticed this because in trying to update my current listening enjoyment, I was trying to balance the female/ male contributions, but overwhelmingly, my musical taste leans towards male voices, with the exception of the Broadway genre.  In Broadway, I think I like female voices because then the range is good for me to rock out along with them.  I would be really interested in finding some statistics or readings on male versus female musicians.  Is this merely my taste in music or there a reason I lean towards male musicians?

While staying at my mom's over the holiday, Baby had the chance to play with both his toys and some of my childhood toys.  I have to admit, when I saw him playing with both his toy truck and my (now his) dollhouse, it warmed my heart and made me smile.  I've seen this meme going around in which a picture showing matchbox cars tucked into doll furniture is accompanied with the caption that this is what happens when you trying to disprove gender stereotypes.  To that I respond that trying to break gender stereotypes after a child has learned them is hard.  Starting from the get-go is another thing entirely.

Lastly, I have been debating whether or not to march in the Charleston Pride Parade this Saturday.  I really want to, but I'm sure there will be repercussions associated with it.  Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing?  I would really love ya'll's feedback this week!

Modest is Hottest, and, If You're Not Modest, Get Ready For Wrath, You Hussie

When I began the process of becoming a Mormon, one of my first activities was to go through all of my clothing and evaluate it's appropriateness with questions like these:

1. Does is have sleeves?
2. Can any cleavage be seen?
3. Does it show my stomach at all?
4. If I lift my arms, will any skin show?
5. Does it fall below my knees?

I was really gungho about it at the time, convinced anything other than complete coverage was completely inappropriate.  After about three months of this, I tried on one of my old skirts that came three inches above my thigh-  I felt naked.  However, I did not feel naked because what I was wearing was an atrocity;  I felt naked because I had convinced and practiced myself into that mentality.  

I saw this on Facebook today, and I got fired up a bit.  Of course this calls for a dissection.

1. Please address me as something besides a girl.  I am not a prepubescent child.  Someone somewhere will rebut this saying this is addressed to young females.  I respond to that by saying that "Men" need not be giving attention to "girls."
2. This was posted by a Facebook group called "Mormons," so I can only conclude it is church members spreading this.  Dressing differently than dictated in the For Strength of Youth does not mean that a person is dirty, slutty, or anything else.  Certainly not that they have been rolling in manure.
3. The attention one receives when dressing without consulting LDS standards is pretty much the same.  Take it from someone who knows.  More on this later. 

The idea that one is either modest or immodest reinforces the Virgin/Whore Dichotomy in which one can be either the purest of pure or a whore.  This dichotomy is deprecating to women because it leaves out options of moderation and normalcy while instilling fear that once a line is crossed, there is no return.  Think Britney Spears.  Long, long ago, in a high school far away, Britney Spears started as the good girl next door.  Her resume included the Mickey Mouse Club and other Disney related fame.  However, the moment she took one step off the purity train there was nowhere to go except to get racier and racier because American pop culture only desires the Madonna figure or the stripper.  My point is this: Not wearing sleeves doesn't make you immodest.  

This is a picture of me (gasp!) the summer
after I turned 19. When I see this picture,
 I don't think modest or not, I simply
see a picture from a great week. 

One day while shopping with my MIL, she commented that I had probably dressed modestly before I converted.  "Nope!" was the only answer I provided.  The truth of the matter is, I did not wear sleeves.  Or cover my mid drift.  Or wear skirts down to my knees.  The men I attracted were pretty much the same:  a lot of guys that I had no interest in dating and a couple I was.  Ladies, I'm going to let you in on a little secret:  Straight men are attracted to women.  Here's another gem:  The type of man you attract is more about your actions than your outfit. 

I am against the idea that men can't control themselves or their thoughts when a woman dresses a certain way.  I'll tell you this, if that were the case, Mormons would never go swimming.  How is it that men can keep their hands off me in a bathing suit at the beach, but walking around the mall, a tank top is their self control evaporates?  Genuinely, I do not understand.  

Finally, I'd like put in a complaint about the general need people feel to police others.  The meme in the beginning is a prime example of (slut)shaming others into dressing the way another believes they should dress.  And this starts at the primary age**!  When children are taught that it is imperative to dress a certain way or they are bad, they learn to call others out on their dress.  Children need to be taught to police themselves based on their specific beliefs, and not to push that on others (whether within or without their religious establishment).  We teach children judgment.  In the words of Shawn Mullins (one of my favorites),

We're born to shimmer, we're born to shine, we're born to radiate.

  We born to live, we're born to love, we're born to never hate.  

And yet, it is practices like policing others where we begin to teach children to judge and hate.  Appropriateness is different depending on where where one is or the culture.  To think that one culture is the be all end all is incredibly arrogant.  

Now, before I get a thousand hate comments (feel free to leave them anyway, but read this paragraph first).  I think there is value in dressing appropriately for the situation.  I think there is value in teaching modest dress to children.  The problem I have is when we attach a person's worth to how they dress.    Rather than teach children that they are good when they cover up, perhaps we should teach them the principles that will help them learn respect for their bodies. 

And quit shoving your beliefs (whether LDS or not, whether high coverage or low coverage) on other people.

**To readers who belong to my home ward-  I am not talking specifically about our primary (I have the utmost respect for our Primary President).  My comments are based on an amalgamation of experiences in many wards, parental teachings, and group discussions.