You're probably thinking, Attachment Parenting? What does that have to do with being a feminist?
Answer: The super involvement of both parents. Parents have to really be on the same page and must offer one another complete support.
DISCLAIMER :: It is not my intention to say that this is the only way of feminist parenting but merely that this is one type of feminist parenting and in particular, the type we have chosen. It is not for everybody.
Before Baby made his grand entrance into the world, I was told by many not to worry, that I had doctors and reading and, most importantly, my "mommy instinct" would guide me. When life began again (Baby and my return to our home), I never felt the need to put him down. Quite the opposite, really, I felt the need to be constantly holding him. I have the privilege of being able to stay home, and most of our day was spent nursing on demand, co-sleeping, and napping on demand. Although many were not shy about disagreeing with our parenting strategies, this is what felt right. Or it did until so many loud opinions made us feel that our methods were destructive.
I was chastised for this by many who said that nursing on demand would turn me into his pacifier. I was advised that the best way to go about my day was scheduled. Babies like schedules, I often heard or read, but it did not feel right to me. I was criticized harshly for co-sleeping because of the dangerous risks. I haven't heard the end of people advising me that "sometimes you have to let them cry." My "mommy instinct" felt broken as society started telling me I was doing it all wrong. As the pressure built, I started considering trying the more common approaches to parenting my child. And then GOOGLE happened.
Enter Attachment Parenting.
I had never heard of Attachment Parenting before, and when I started reading, I couldn't get enough. It was such a relief to read that I am not screwing up my child for life. I am not a felon for loving a co-sleeping environment, and sleeping "through the night" will come at some point. I felt a rush of energy as I poured over shared stories confirming my feeling that co-sleeping is wonderful, natural, and not dangerous (when done within guidelines). Attachment Parenting is largely based on the baby rather than the clock or calendar. Baby will let you know what Baby is ready for. It is my opinion that often times society values independence over bonds, and to be quite frank, I am perfectly fine with my six month old not being absolutely independent. My child may require more of my attention than another for a longer amount of time, but I'm a stay-at-home. Baby is what I have time for!
Attachment parenting also focuses on bonding, breastfeeding, baby wearing, bed sharing, and boundary building. The boundary building is based on age appropriate expectations; For example, moving breakables out of a toddler's reach rather than punishing the toddler for the breakable's demise. So far, Hubby and I are following this parenting style except for the baby wearing so much anymore because our six month old is over 22 pounds.
I am so very glad to have come across this because I was truly about to crack under the pressure to conform Baby. Honestly, it feels so much more natural to concentrate on expressing love at this stage in Baby's life. I am still doing much reading and do not pretend to know everything. I would love to hear your questions and thoughts because then I can research and know the answers to them as well. As I continue on with this approach, I will try to remember to share my victories and setbacks :)
Answer: The super involvement of both parents. Parents have to really be on the same page and must offer one another complete support.
DISCLAIMER :: It is not my intention to say that this is the only way of feminist parenting but merely that this is one type of feminist parenting and in particular, the type we have chosen. It is not for everybody.
Before Baby made his grand entrance into the world, I was told by many not to worry, that I had doctors and reading and, most importantly, my "mommy instinct" would guide me. When life began again (Baby and my return to our home), I never felt the need to put him down. Quite the opposite, really, I felt the need to be constantly holding him. I have the privilege of being able to stay home, and most of our day was spent nursing on demand, co-sleeping, and napping on demand. Although many were not shy about disagreeing with our parenting strategies, this is what felt right. Or it did until so many loud opinions made us feel that our methods were destructive.
I was chastised for this by many who said that nursing on demand would turn me into his pacifier. I was advised that the best way to go about my day was scheduled. Babies like schedules, I often heard or read, but it did not feel right to me. I was criticized harshly for co-sleeping because of the dangerous risks. I haven't heard the end of people advising me that "sometimes you have to let them cry." My "mommy instinct" felt broken as society started telling me I was doing it all wrong. As the pressure built, I started considering trying the more common approaches to parenting my child. And then GOOGLE happened.
Enter Attachment Parenting.
I had never heard of Attachment Parenting before, and when I started reading, I couldn't get enough. It was such a relief to read that I am not screwing up my child for life. I am not a felon for loving a co-sleeping environment, and sleeping "through the night" will come at some point. I felt a rush of energy as I poured over shared stories confirming my feeling that co-sleeping is wonderful, natural, and not dangerous (when done within guidelines). Attachment Parenting is largely based on the baby rather than the clock or calendar. Baby will let you know what Baby is ready for. It is my opinion that often times society values independence over bonds, and to be quite frank, I am perfectly fine with my six month old not being absolutely independent. My child may require more of my attention than another for a longer amount of time, but I'm a stay-at-home. Baby is what I have time for!
Attachment parenting also focuses on bonding, breastfeeding, baby wearing, bed sharing, and boundary building. The boundary building is based on age appropriate expectations; For example, moving breakables out of a toddler's reach rather than punishing the toddler for the breakable's demise. So far, Hubby and I are following this parenting style except for the baby wearing so much anymore because our six month old is over 22 pounds.
I am so very glad to have come across this because I was truly about to crack under the pressure to conform Baby. Honestly, it feels so much more natural to concentrate on expressing love at this stage in Baby's life. I am still doing much reading and do not pretend to know everything. I would love to hear your questions and thoughts because then I can research and know the answers to them as well. As I continue on with this approach, I will try to remember to share my victories and setbacks :)
5 comments:
While I personally disagree with attachment parenting...I know that others disagree with me. This leads to an interesting point -
As peoplem, we seem to feel the need to be vocal in our disagreements because we feel that need to reaffirm or justify our decisions by explaining why other decisions are wrong. (Because if everything else is wrong - and we can argue that - then our decision must be correct, right?)
Seriously, why?
I know and believe that what I do is good for me and my family. I hope that others feel the same way about their families and choices.
But we do like to find others who believes and practices are just like us. We feel comfort in this. That is natural.
So, honestly, how do we stand up for our beliefs and choices without making others feel bad about theirs?
(This could be said about so many things - so don't want to open up too many cans of worms here :-)
Great post! I too felt relief when I learned about AP.
Liz, thanks for being brave enough to disagree! I am interested in what exactly you disagree with AP- I know it's going to be challenging and with more awareness of its downs, maybe I could use it more head on.
I'm surprised you've had so much vocal disagreement. (I'm fine with disagreement, but it's the naggy judgemental excessively vocal kind that bugs me) I guess you just have a different sphere of people than I do. I've never looked up attachment parenting before, but it's pretty much what I've done (and a lot of my mommy friends) with our kids. We meet their needs when they need things. We co-slept with Kai and Neil for a few months, but always being very careful. I think people get such a bad perception of it because they only really hear about it when something bad happens, when people aren't being careful enough or whatever, like never go to bed drunk with a baby, or on heavy meds, and so on, but that should go without saying. We should have more phone conversations so I can help you feel better :)
I am a firm believer in attachment parenting. I have three children ages 4,8 and 11 and have found that AP actually installs a sense of independance. For me the spacing of my children allowed me to prolong breast feeding, co-sleeping, and baby (toddler) wearing. Like other have said, attachment parenting just felt instinctual to me.
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