This week's episode of Male Privilege

One thing that has really molded my feminist view in the past few months is the question "What rights are women lacking?"  usually followed by (sometimes sarcastically, sometimes sincerely) "I don't know of any legal rights that men have that women do not."  Although I do believe that if we pick apart marital laws that we would find incredible sexism, that is not my focus when a person poses this type of question.  My answer is to refer to the concept of Male Privilege.  This is an elusive concept because it is not the privilege but rather the lack there of that is so blaring.

This week's trip to the market was a big trip.  Being away from home last week means we tried to empty the cupboards the week before, so we needed a lot-  pretty much a trip down every isle.  Between pickles and pastas, I looked up and noticed three men, particularly one that was staring at me.  I can dismiss this because, whatever, staring happens.  While creepy as it might be, long looks occasionally happen, usually followed by an embarrassed look from being caught.  

Most people are familiar with the concept of fight or flight, but I would like to introduce a new concept that I think every southern girl or lady can confirm:  fight, flight, or polite.  I use this to refer to the practice of teaching females from a very young age that it is best to be pleasing and polite and kind in all situations.  Even though I have seen all sorts of screwed up situations, my gut reaction when faced with something uncomfortable or creepy is to be polite.  

Therefore, as I caught this man staring, I smiled and said a hello as I quickly went to the next aisle (I also made a mental note to come back and pick up pasta because in my desire to leave this weird situation, I left the pasta on my grocery list behind).  I continued on with my shopping.  That is, until a few aisles later.  That's when I noticed the same staring man was staring at me again.  Only this time I decided to take a closer look.  Said man had no shopping cart.  Said man had no hand basket.  Said man had no groceries, only a creepy expression as he watched me.  Said man is now dubbed The Creeper.  Judge me if you must.  

My next step was to text someone my whereabouts and the situation just in case.  I carried on with my shopping.  I had a lot to do, so chances were these three men would leave before me anyhow.  An hour later, these men were still in the store with no groceries, magically appearing on  the aisles I was on.  At this point, I knew I was being followed.  My mind jumped forward to the point at which I would need to get my groceries from the store and into my car.  It was already after dark.  I decided that I would simply ask for an employee to help me out to my car with my groceries.  I got into a check-out line, and the men, purchasing a bottle of Gatorade and some other small purchases, got into the next line.  When I was finished checking out, I did wait for someone to help me out to my car.  End Story.

How do I conclude this experience?  Well, here are a couple ways.  

1. Re-read the story, only pretend I am a man and the three men from the story are women.  Not only would this not have happened, I (as a man) would not be afraid to walk to my car.  This is an example of invisible Male Privilege;  the privilege to walk to one's car without fear after dark.  The point is not that I was going to be abducted and raped because, let's be honest, I have no idea what was going through The Creeper's mind.  Maybe (but unlikely) I was an uncanny resemblance of his sister.  Maybe he was just waiting for me to be alone so he could do horrible things.  Maybe he was trying to get a rise out of me.  Maybe he was simply doing his shopping.  The point is that due to the commonplace of men raping women in this country, I was rightfully uncomfortable.
   And something about that just isn't fair.
2. Going back to my Fight, Flight, or Polite concept-  even when women feel threatened, we don't want to react because it might cause offense.  What if we're wrong?  What if this man wasn't really following me?  What if this man didn't mean to get in my space? He may be offended if I react....
   I say this: REACT.  Sometimes, Ladies, we need to worry about ourselves.  Practice this line:  You're making me uncomfortable;  Go away.  If you're feeling polite, maybe add in a please.  No one, and I do mean no one, has the right to make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.  I used to think that in Charleston, it was nice that I met everyone's gaze to say hello.  Now, after years of class and work in the city, after years of creepoids making me feel uncomfortable and unsafe, if someone walks close enough to reach out and touch me, I have my keys in hand ready to punch them.  And you better believe I have called some people out on getting too close.  
3. Lastly, I could make some suggestions as to how to correct this issue.  I do not believe the it is a quick fix or a fix that one person can do on her own.  I also don't think that women should have to change their appearance-  I should be able to walk down the street in a string bikini and not be raped.   Here are my suggestions-  I would really love to have some more suggestions as well in the comments.  
1. Be bold.  REACT.  Be confrontational, even if it feels rude, to people who make you feel uncomfortable.  
2. Do not be afraid to be unlady-like.  Other people can get over it.  Men aren't passive and polite when challenged, and we shouldn't be either.
3. I truly advocate carrying pepper spray (Actually, at this stage in the game, I advocate carrying a gun, but that's another story entirely).  I like this place  http://www.guardian-self-defense.com/ for pepper spray.  It can be as little as $5 or as much as $60, in the shape of lipstick, on a key chain, or in the shape of a gun.
   I think if all of a sudden there were a movement where women and men stood up and said, We won't take this anymore that a great change would occur.  Who's with me?