"At some point during this semester, you'll get mad."
~Idee Winfield, my Sociology of Gender professor
This is how Dr. Winfield began my Sociology of Gender class, describing some of the topics we would be covering. Nah, I thought, I already got mad when I started into Women and Gender Studies. My mad phase is past. Wrong. It's this continuous emotional, spiritual, ideological cycle, like a twelve step program- only anger and hurt seems to be the first step. My cycle seems to go as such: anger, hurt and sadness, activism, satisfaction, voyeurism, anger. What I have to remind myself is that this cycle is in constant motion, so if I just wait, one feeling while phase into another. This too shall pass.
Anger comes from the flawed organization of our American society- this phase is usually spurred by something discriminatory brought to my attention.
Next, I feel hurt and sad that anyone said discrimination doesn't affect pretends like it does not exist. Issues are dismissed as nonexistent, and I am told time and time again that I am reading too much into something. I am not. You wouldn't feel that way if it happened to you. To me, that is the same as telling me I am an ornament in your life rather than someone you care about.
My turmoil then turns into something productive: activism. A rush of adrenalin and happiness comes now because I think I am contributing to my cause. I have something about which to feel great. This leads me to feel very satisfied.
This leads to complacency. I now get to look around and watch the world for a while because I have done my bit. That is, until I see the injustices come shining through. Then, I get angry.
This works for me socially and emotionally. The problem I face now is that I feel angry in a religious setting. I feel religiously angry. I have to evaluate whether this is a phase or something new I have encountered that needs to be dealt with more permanently.
I think Jonathon Swift summed it up when he said, "We have enough religion to make us hate but not enough to make us love one another."
Because, honestly, I see individuals who love, and organizations that engender hate.
Part 2 will come tonight or tomorrow.
3 comments:
I'm glad there is a part 2 coming, because I don't really understand part 1.
I am will Kerri - what's going on?!? But, yes, I c.o.m.p.l.e.t.e.l.y religious anger....anger at the status quo and the attitute of members. I am eager to read part 2.
Oh, I do. I understand. My cycle is the same except that the "hurt and sadness" phase has been replaced by a "panic and freaking out because it seems like everything is moving backward and there's nothing I can do about it" phase. Thankfully I just came out of one of those and am in the activism phase.
That Jonathan Swift quote is exactly how I feel about organized religion right now. I'm pretty disillusioned with the whole idea of it, so I understand that, too. I think it probably gets better though (I hope).
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