This week's episode of Male Privilege

One thing that has really molded my feminist view in the past few months is the question "What rights are women lacking?"  usually followed by (sometimes sarcastically, sometimes sincerely) "I don't know of any legal rights that men have that women do not."  Although I do believe that if we pick apart marital laws that we would find incredible sexism, that is not my focus when a person poses this type of question.  My answer is to refer to the concept of Male Privilege.  This is an elusive concept because it is not the privilege but rather the lack there of that is so blaring.

This week's trip to the market was a big trip.  Being away from home last week means we tried to empty the cupboards the week before, so we needed a lot-  pretty much a trip down every isle.  Between pickles and pastas, I looked up and noticed three men, particularly one that was staring at me.  I can dismiss this because, whatever, staring happens.  While creepy as it might be, long looks occasionally happen, usually followed by an embarrassed look from being caught.  

Most people are familiar with the concept of fight or flight, but I would like to introduce a new concept that I think every southern girl or lady can confirm:  fight, flight, or polite.  I use this to refer to the practice of teaching females from a very young age that it is best to be pleasing and polite and kind in all situations.  Even though I have seen all sorts of screwed up situations, my gut reaction when faced with something uncomfortable or creepy is to be polite.  

Therefore, as I caught this man staring, I smiled and said a hello as I quickly went to the next aisle (I also made a mental note to come back and pick up pasta because in my desire to leave this weird situation, I left the pasta on my grocery list behind).  I continued on with my shopping.  That is, until a few aisles later.  That's when I noticed the same staring man was staring at me again.  Only this time I decided to take a closer look.  Said man had no shopping cart.  Said man had no hand basket.  Said man had no groceries, only a creepy expression as he watched me.  Said man is now dubbed The Creeper.  Judge me if you must.  

My next step was to text someone my whereabouts and the situation just in case.  I carried on with my shopping.  I had a lot to do, so chances were these three men would leave before me anyhow.  An hour later, these men were still in the store with no groceries, magically appearing on  the aisles I was on.  At this point, I knew I was being followed.  My mind jumped forward to the point at which I would need to get my groceries from the store and into my car.  It was already after dark.  I decided that I would simply ask for an employee to help me out to my car with my groceries.  I got into a check-out line, and the men, purchasing a bottle of Gatorade and some other small purchases, got into the next line.  When I was finished checking out, I did wait for someone to help me out to my car.  End Story.

How do I conclude this experience?  Well, here are a couple ways.  

1. Re-read the story, only pretend I am a man and the three men from the story are women.  Not only would this not have happened, I (as a man) would not be afraid to walk to my car.  This is an example of invisible Male Privilege;  the privilege to walk to one's car without fear after dark.  The point is not that I was going to be abducted and raped because, let's be honest, I have no idea what was going through The Creeper's mind.  Maybe (but unlikely) I was an uncanny resemblance of his sister.  Maybe he was just waiting for me to be alone so he could do horrible things.  Maybe he was trying to get a rise out of me.  Maybe he was simply doing his shopping.  The point is that due to the commonplace of men raping women in this country, I was rightfully uncomfortable.
   And something about that just isn't fair.
2. Going back to my Fight, Flight, or Polite concept-  even when women feel threatened, we don't want to react because it might cause offense.  What if we're wrong?  What if this man wasn't really following me?  What if this man didn't mean to get in my space? He may be offended if I react....
   I say this: REACT.  Sometimes, Ladies, we need to worry about ourselves.  Practice this line:  You're making me uncomfortable;  Go away.  If you're feeling polite, maybe add in a please.  No one, and I do mean no one, has the right to make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.  I used to think that in Charleston, it was nice that I met everyone's gaze to say hello.  Now, after years of class and work in the city, after years of creepoids making me feel uncomfortable and unsafe, if someone walks close enough to reach out and touch me, I have my keys in hand ready to punch them.  And you better believe I have called some people out on getting too close.  
3. Lastly, I could make some suggestions as to how to correct this issue.  I do not believe the it is a quick fix or a fix that one person can do on her own.  I also don't think that women should have to change their appearance-  I should be able to walk down the street in a string bikini and not be raped.   Here are my suggestions-  I would really love to have some more suggestions as well in the comments.  
1. Be bold.  REACT.  Be confrontational, even if it feels rude, to people who make you feel uncomfortable.  
2. Do not be afraid to be unlady-like.  Other people can get over it.  Men aren't passive and polite when challenged, and we shouldn't be either.
3. I truly advocate carrying pepper spray (Actually, at this stage in the game, I advocate carrying a gun, but that's another story entirely).  I like this place  http://www.guardian-self-defense.com/ for pepper spray.  It can be as little as $5 or as much as $60, in the shape of lipstick, on a key chain, or in the shape of a gun.
   I think if all of a sudden there were a movement where women and men stood up and said, We won't take this anymore that a great change would occur.  Who's with me?

Post Holiday Holiday (or the McCuistion part)

We went to Ohio last week for our "Christmas time" with Jason's side of our family. Ezra is a pretty good traveler.  This is the eighth plane he has been on in his six and half months.  He is pretty much a pro.

We got to hang out with our nephews and niece while Kevin and Kerri were in Chicago for the night.  Kai was a  big help with Neil and Eve.  We also played an awesome put-away-the-books game in which for every book you put away, you get to throw a ball as hard as you can at Uncle Jason.  For every time you hit Uncle Jason, you get a point.  The books were put away fantastically fast.  

Even though it was "warm for this time of year," it was much colder than our 

South Carolina blood is used to, so Ezra got to wear a snow suit.  

Our beautiful niece, Eve, and I had a talk in which I told her about my Aunt Linda.  "My Aunt Linda," I told her, "had all boys, and she loves her boys.  But when she would come to Charleston to visit us, she would call my sister and me 'her girls.'  My Aunt Linda loved to do all the girlie stuff with us-  she's the one who taught me how to french braid my hair.  I hope that can be our relationship."  Eve didn't seem opposed to the idea, so I took that as a victory.

Grandpa's arms full of kiddos-  Ezra, Eve, and Neil.

After we got back home, we realized that Ezra had officially outgrown his infant bath tub.  It was either the sink or the big bath tub from now on, and Mama doesn't like stooping.  

Post Secret Feminists

 I love Post Secret.  If you have not heard of Post Secret, it started out as an art project in which homemade postcards with an anonymous secret were sent to a man named Frank.  Now, millions of secrets have been shared and Frank posts a new batch of secrets every Sunday.  I have come across a few feminists ones.   Check it out at PostSecret.

This was my favorite to come across.  Women need support-  support from men, support from other women-  We need support.  And I truly do believe that we can change the world for the better.

I particularly like this one because I think every feminist has something she does that makes her feel like a fraud.  I wear make-up on occasion because it makes me feel prettier, and I feel like a bad feminist for so doing.  It's just not true, though.  As I have posted before, Jessica Valenti states, "It's about the consciousness behind your decisions."  Am I doing it for me or do I feel like my self-worth is determined by this action?  More on this to come.

This is so painstakingly honest and raw.  Simply believing in a cause doesn't mean that one is immune to the that which she fights against.  I constantly try to push the idea that our worth as women is not determined because of our weights, and yet when I stand in front of the mirror, there are times I wish different things for my body.  

This makes me want to invest in a whole bunch of bumper stickers to stick on misogynists' cars... though, of course, it's illegal, and a very bad idea.  Tee-hee.

I don't know that I have the right to comment on these because they are other people's secrets, but I love the idea that there are others out there, imperfect as we all may be who are working and hoping for a better tomorrow.  The diversity makes it all the better. 

Attachment Parenting

You're probably thinking, Attachment Parenting?  What does that have to do with being a feminist?  
Answer:  The super involvement of both parents.  Parents have to really be on the same page and must offer one another complete support.

DISCLAIMER :: It is not my intention to say that this is the only way of feminist parenting but merely that this is one type of feminist parenting and in particular, the type we have chosen.  It is not for everybody.

Before Baby made his grand entrance into the world, I was told by many not to worry, that I had doctors and reading and, most importantly, my "mommy instinct" would guide me.  When life began again (Baby and my return to our home), I never felt the need to put him down.  Quite the opposite, really, I felt the need to be constantly holding him.  I have the privilege of being able to stay home, and most of our day was spent nursing on demand, co-sleeping, and napping on demand.  Although many were not shy about disagreeing with our parenting strategies, this is what felt right.  Or it did until so many loud opinions made us feel that our methods were destructive.  
I was chastised for this by many who said that nursing on demand would turn me into his pacifier.   I was advised that the best way to go about my day was scheduled.  Babies like schedules, I often heard or read, but it did not feel right to me.  I was criticized harshly for co-sleeping because of the dangerous risks.  I haven't heard the end of people advising me that "sometimes you have to let them cry."  My "mommy instinct" felt broken as society started telling me I was doing it all wrong.  As the pressure built, I started considering trying the more common approaches to parenting my child.  And then GOOGLE happened.

Enter Attachment Parenting.

I had never heard of Attachment Parenting before, and when I started reading, I couldn't get enough.  It was such a relief to read that I am not screwing up my child for life.  I am not a felon for loving a co-sleeping environment, and sleeping "through the night" will come at some point.  I felt a rush of energy as I poured over shared stories confirming my feeling that co-sleeping is wonderful, natural, and not dangerous (when done within guidelines).  Attachment Parenting is largely based on the baby rather than the clock or calendar.  Baby will let you know what Baby is ready for.  It is my opinion that often times society values independence over bonds, and to be quite frank, I am perfectly fine with my six month old not being absolutely independent.  My child may require more of my attention than another for a longer amount of time, but I'm a stay-at-home.  Baby is what I have time for!
Attachment parenting also focuses on bonding, breastfeeding, baby wearing, bed sharing, and boundary building.  The boundary building is based on age appropriate expectations;  For example, moving breakables out of a toddler's reach rather than punishing the toddler for the breakable's demise.   So far, Hubby and I are following this parenting style except for the baby wearing so much anymore because our six month old is over 22 pounds.

I am so very glad to have come across this because I was truly about to crack under the pressure to conform Baby.  Honestly, it feels so much more natural to concentrate on expressing love at this stage in Baby's life.  I am still doing much reading and do not pretend to know everything.  I would love to hear your questions and thoughts because then I can research and know the answers to them as well.  As I continue on with this approach, I will try to remember to share my victories and setbacks :)

Resolutions of the Feminist Kind

Did you know that over 70% of resolution makers list weight loss as a resolution?  It wasn't that big of a shock to me when I think about what undue pressure is put on people to be thin.  We aren't pressured to eat right and take care of our bodies, we are told to be thin. 

At. Any. Cost.

A while back I was told that one way to insure keeping weight off that you've already lost is to get rid of any clothes that are too big, lest you have the temptation to just slide right back into fitting into them.  Well, I say keep clothes around that fit.  If you don't want to keep around the clothes that are too big, then don't, but, honey, get rid of the ones that are too small as well.



I can't mention my amazing son and then
not put up a picture.  That would be silly.



As some of my readers know, I had a baby back in June of this year.  After my pregnancy, my body just changed.  My bust went up three sizes (hey, I'm still nursing, okay?), my hips are wider, I still have pregnancy weight on me, and due to my son's entry into the world via Cesarean Section, I have the belly pooch.  The past six months, I have felt absolutely horrible in all the clothes that weren't preggy clothes, and then, it dawned on me:

I felt like I looked bad because the clothes I was wearing were no longer clothes that suited me. 

And that's the truth.  Rather than beat myself up for not fitting into clothes that once hung right and accentuated the good, I needed clothes that accentuated the new good.  My body is still beautiful, darnit!

Now back to dieting;  Do not believe that I am against health.  I certainly am not.  I think changing your diet for health is an amazingly good thing to do.  I think as a nation, it is something that we truly need to focus more on.  My resolution is to focus on creating a healthier intake of food for my family and not to worry if the pants that look best on me say size 12 on the tag inside.  



New AntiRape Advertisement

I have recently discovered a fairly new campaign, Men Can Stop Rape and so far, I love their campaign!

This is the first advertisement I have seen that targets men.  This is VERY exciting!  This advertisement does not focus on stranger rape (which is based on power and control); it does focus on the more prevalent type of rape which is executed by a familiar simply by not having mutual consent.  While the two may seem like separate issues completely, they both take power from women over their bodies in a vile, vile way.  Both need to be stopped.

However, even more than focusing on men's responsibility to stop rape with personal restraint and responsibility, the organization ALSO encourages taking a stand against other men who are acting inappropriately to stop rape. 

I honestly can't even decide which one I love more!  This is one of the ways that feminism is good for men, too.  The world often paints men as unable to control their sexual desires.  Feminists give our men more credit than that.  So, come on, guys, Take a Stand!

Happy New Year (and the Christmas aftermath)

Happy New Year from the McAwesome Family :)

New Year's Eve was spent in the Hendrix home.  We played a cool game called "Pandemic" and then we bundled the boys up really snug in the wagon and took them out for fireworks in the cul-de-sac.  The past two years we have stopped at a fireworks stand and just gotten a simple, safe combo pack.  We all agree that there is to be NO STOPPING at "Discount Fireworks" or "Bargain TNT" because, really, there are just some things that you shouldn't look for bargains on, explosives being one.  Both boys seemed to like the colors and lights of the fireworks and didn't mind the noise. 

Since Christmas, Ezra has been a-movin' and a-shakin'.  We decided that rather than making our living room Little Man-appropriate, we would create a playroom and make it living-appropriate.  Now we have a playroom where the living room use to be, and I think we all like hanging out together in there a lot.  It also provides Ezra a lot more space to crawl around in (and boy does he get around these days!) 

This is the workshop from Uncle Clif.  Ezra loves playing with the different colored nails.  He hasn't gotten the hang of using the hammer, so he just uses his hands :)

Ezra had his six month check up a couple days ago!  He is now over 22 pounds and 29 inches.  He's a BIG boy.  We are also moving on to Level 2 foods as soon as we run out of the Level 1.