Anxiously Engaged in a Good Cause

Summer has been very busy.  It seems like I always feel that way, but our summer has been and will continue to be super jam packed.  This is probably my fault because I love having something to do.  I get antsy when there is something to pour myself into.  J and I joke about how if he leaves me alone for too long, he'll come home to new walls in our home and old walls torn down (when I say we joke about it, what I really mean is we laugh about the times that has actually happened).  In the Doctrine and Covenants  it tells us:

Verily I say, [you] should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, 

and do many things of [your] own free will, 

and bring to pass much righteousness.*

This is my favorite scripture and one that I hope to impress its importance to my progeny.  Believe in something enough to take action.  Be passionate an educated about your ideals.

For a while my good cause has been feminism and causes surrounding political equality for all.  I am truly excited with much of the happenings lately politically.  While there are a few causes that I feel particularly strong about (Ahem, cough, Planned Parenthood, cough), I think taking a break from high involvement in macro level politics is going to be good for me.  So.  Is it time to tear down some more walls?

I'm thinking not.  While we were visiting Utah a little while back, two happenings led me in a new direction. The first was reading a book called Living Green: a practical guide to simple sustainability by Greg Horn.  As you could probably take surmise from the title, it's a book about living our daily lives in a more Earth-friendly fashion.  Here's my mini-book-review:

If you can get past the fact that Horn has an issue with definitely presenting his argument and a total disregard for the oxford comma, it is a pretty handy resource.  The book is divided into three parts:  health, home, and future.  This is particularly convenient because you don't necessarily have to sit down and read the whole book.  A lot of times with my household crazy, I skim books like this rather than dedicate the three months it would actually take me to accumulate enough time to read it.  Within each chapter there are grey boxes that list WHAT YOU CAN DO, and then lists four to eight steps you can take to move in a greener direction.  The chapter goes on to describe in detail the steps, give examples, and also to suggest how to break these steps down into bite size pieces that you and your family can handle.  I know that, personally, changes in my life are more likely to stick around if I implement them if a slow and rational fashion (Think Cam's crash diet in Modern Family).

The second happening was a text message that read:  Do you want to do a triathlon with me?

What does it all mean?  It means I found found my next cause.  It may sound extreme- it does to me anyway-but I have really been thinking about preparation.  When I think about the commandments and wise suggestions from the First Presidency and the Twelve Apostles I realize that every advice and direction given is in preparation for something more.  A few examples, you ask?

1. Do not steal:  Preparing a person to be honorable for others to trust.  When you trust those with whom you work, more is accomplished to a higher standard.  Everyone benefits.
2. Don't cheat on your spouse:  Preparation to have strong family unit for protection and happiness.  Preparation of loyalty so one doesn't have to choose in the moment to who she should be loyal.  
3. Take care of your body (or the Word of Wisdom):  Preparation for your body to be healthy enough and strong enough to take on whatever the Lord requires of you as we go through out our journey.  

My new cause is... drum roll, please...  taking care of our environment and our bodies.  I am really worried that by the time my kiddo has babies, the world is going to be a grim place by how previous generations have taken care of it.  We have started recycling and trying to make all of our household products all natural if not organic.  It can make a difference not only for the environment but in how the members of the household feel.  As far as caring for my personal body, I am really paying attention to what I put in it.  I am never (read: NEVER) in favor of dieting plans**, but if I were, I think I would like Weight Watchers because from what I have heard, it teaches not how to starve yourself, but rather how to make sensible choices.  And that, my friends, is what health is about:  Making choices for your body both nutritionally and physically.  My personal goals for health are to finish two triathlons before October.  I'll be sure to tell ya'll how I do.  

What is your cause today?

*Please note that I am consciously ignoring President Dalton's ideas on this particular topic.  I think she was a wonderful Young Women's president, but that her thoughts on action for rights were a little skewed towards the end.

**This is not because I am adverse to watching your weight, but I think any plan, no matter how efficient or healthy or reliable it is, that places its focus first on weight-loss and second on real health is a terrible idea.  And a terrible plan.  And yes, my idea of real health is demanding and stringent.  

Division in the Ranks

Lately, particularly with the upcoming election, all I see is division.  Division between parties, division in parties, division in communities.  The two that hurt me most are division in church and division in feminist communities.  And while I expected it at church, I don't find a speech about why we currently need to go to war on Israel's behalf to be relevant to the scriptures.  There's probably a reason the First Presidency has asked us to keep politics out of our meetings.

At any rate, before all the election hullabaloo, I would see discussion of ideas.  It's human nature (Every time I use that phrase I start singing,  Why, why?  Tell 'em that it's human nature...) to disagree.  Who can say that her beliefs are 100% congruent with someone else she knows?  Certainly not me.   When my sister came to town (Look out for the post "When Sister Comes to Town"), we had many discussions, and we surely do not agree on everything.  However, the discussions gave us opportunities to learn about where we each stood and possibly gain new insight.  Possibly my favorite Humans of New York posting of all time is this one in which a girl is advised to read books by people who disagree with her.  Well, my recommendation is similar.  Talk to people to who disagree with you, and while you're talking, listen, too.  Even if your opinions don't change, you will learn so much.

As a feminist, I have gone through different phases-  just look through this blog.  In two years of writing, my feminism has morphed drastically.  I actually read posts I have written and consider taking them down because they are no longer an accurate depiction of what I believe.  I don't mostly because I find it uniquely interesting to read my progression thus far.

More to the point, there was a time I believed make up was a sign of submission and shaving your legs was selling yourself out (I can still argue this point, I just don't buy into it anymore).  I feel like (some) feminists have this ideal feminist in their minds that if you, as a woman, are not trying to be, well then you are not part of the feminist club.  Instead of discussing, I feel like there is a feminist dictating what I should be as a feminist, and really how is that any better than a men calling the shots?

I still feel feminist shame that I am pro-Life (any discussion related to this should be done privately because I refuse to be ganged up on when discussing this).  I painted my nails the other day and thought, Ooh, my feminism is getting rusty.   But it's not.  Somehow, I have to reconcile that being society prescribed feminine does not mean I am not a good feminist. In the words of Jessica Valenti, "It's all about the consciousness of your decisions."

The more we qualify what a feminist must be and tear one another down, the more we will those dreaded words: I am not a feminist, but...

And those are not the words by which I want the Third Wave to end.

Start August off right

...with a little Bell Hooks.

Tidbits from the week

This week has been hard for me, so there is no real put together topic for this post-  it's going to be a little of this, a little of that.  I started my week seeing another feminist secret this week on the Post Secret Blog.  It served as a reminder to me that we are all hypocrites until we're perfect (which I don't really believe to be attainable in this life), so we need to cut others and ourselves some slack.    To the author of this secret:  You are not a failure-  you need help and support.  Don't we all?

I started my book review for Cinderella Ate My Daughter, by Peggy Orenstein.  Get excited for that because it was excellent book, and I have so much to say about it that it is turning into a huge project simply organizing my thoughts about it.  I feel like I am back in college writing a paper.  Anyone with a daughter-Heck, anyone with a kid or who has been a kid- I think you should read this book.  But more on that whenever I have the time to post my book review.

Last week while shopping for some kiddo stuff, I saw this little number in the infant section.  I haven't worked out the details in my mind, but I would rather my little swim naked than swim in this.  I think it has to do with naked being chalked up to her being a baby, but this swimsuit begin sexualization in infancy.  But how?  I need help identifying what it is that makes it so, but I truly believe naked would be more appropriate.  Please leave your ideas in the comments below.  Or if you feel like being more private about it, email me.

Here's another random:  I have noticed recently that it would seem I am more drawn to music from male musicians.  It's weird.  I noticed this because in trying to update my current listening enjoyment, I was trying to balance the female/ male contributions, but overwhelmingly, my musical taste leans towards male voices, with the exception of the Broadway genre.  In Broadway, I think I like female voices because then the range is good for me to rock out along with them.  I would be really interested in finding some statistics or readings on male versus female musicians.  Is this merely my taste in music or there a reason I lean towards male musicians?

While staying at my mom's over the holiday, Baby had the chance to play with both his toys and some of my childhood toys.  I have to admit, when I saw him playing with both his toy truck and my (now his) dollhouse, it warmed my heart and made me smile.  I've seen this meme going around in which a picture showing matchbox cars tucked into doll furniture is accompanied with the caption that this is what happens when you trying to disprove gender stereotypes.  To that I respond that trying to break gender stereotypes after a child has learned them is hard.  Starting from the get-go is another thing entirely.

Lastly, I have been debating whether or not to march in the Charleston Pride Parade this Saturday.  I really want to, but I'm sure there will be repercussions associated with it.  Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing?  I would really love ya'll's feedback this week!

Gender About Town

Out and about town, these are some things I found pertaining to gender.  Tell me your thoughts in the comments because you're about to read mine (I hope!).

 I took this picture because the piggy banks are clearly gender specific.  The female targeted piggies are princesses or shoe funds, whereas the male targeted piggies promote physical fun (sports).  I think it's interesting that no one would give (much) notice to one of the boy specific banks being in a girl's room, but many eyebrows would rise if a boy had a "shoe fund" or cupcake piggy. It makes me reminiscent of the Madonna song "What it Feels Like for a Girl."

"Girls can wear jeans 

and cut their hair short

wear shirts and boots

'cause it's okay to be a boy

But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading

'cause you think be a girl is degrading..."

These were some interesting finds!  I found these in the little girls section of Ross.  These are underwire (to hold up what exactly?) bras that having padding in them.  They are marketed to ten and under.  Really?  Hypersexualization of little girls much?  Someone call Peggy Orenstein.

This experience made me shake my head:  I was having a hard time finding the Women and Gender section at my local Barnes and Noble.  Usually, it is either in the Politics and Current Affairs section or right next to it.  I searched and searched.  I even asked an employee for help.

Then, I found it.

I had to chuckle (and then facepalm) when I realized that the women studies and feminist reading was not only not in the political section, it was a subsection of the Gay and Lesbian reading.  While I am pro both reading sections, one doesn't equate the other.  Thoughts?

8 rights for which feminists fight

When I wrote my prior article, Gender and Politics, I was asked by many exactly what rights feminists are seeking.  Yes, many refuted the wage gap, and one even sarcastically referred to his handy copy of the US Constitution.  Well, my dears, sit back and enjoy because sometimes what is more important are the things that go unmentioned.  This is a list I have compiled of some of the rights for which feminists fight. 

1.  The right for females to have any job males can have (including in the military- yay women on submarines!).

2.  The right to not be sexually harassed at the place of employment (because while this is not exclusively done to females, the VAST majority of sexually based harassment is done to a female).

3.  The right to not be a victim of domestic violence.  Did you know in the state of South Carolina that in the same year that cock fighting became a felony, a bill to make domestic violence a felony was as well on the table and it didn't pass?  And again, I know this is not only a female problem, but 95% of domestic violence is against women.  Feel free to research this topic in Full Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti. 

4.  The right to informed decisions about birth control (this is an issue for both men and women).  Also, on that note, many women are fighting to keep their pro-choice option as this seems to be constantly on the table for question.  Worth mentioning is that I am actually pro life, and while most feminists would denounce me as a true feminist, many would not.  There are many breeds of feminism. 

5.  The right to not be put on certain tracks in school due to age, sex, race, ethnicity, etc.  Tracking women in specific classes (avoiding STEM subjects) creates job segregation.  Jobs that are comprised of mainly women are generally paid less.  Feel free to take a closer look at this in Understanding Race, Class, Gender, and Sexuality: A Conceptual Framework by Lyn Weber.

6.  The right to not be devalued with age.  While ageism is real for both men and women later in life, it begins VERY early for women.  Women are constantly infantilized because younger and more innocent is better.  Take one look at any magazine and advertisement, and I think you'll see what I mean. 

7.  The right to not be stigmatized for being pregnant and unwed.  Men don't have that problem and neither should women.  Being pregnant and single should not keep a woman from any government job- because men aren't asked about their kids and spousal relationships prior to employment.

8.  The right to not be revictimized for being raped.  One will often here that she was asking for it by her manner of dress, the neighborhood she was in, the late hour she was out, or the mental state she was in.   I call BS (for all you LDS out there, I mean Bologna Sandwich :).  If someone says no the answer is no regardless of ANY other conditions of the event.  The conviction rate of rape is in the single digits (~6%)-  please check out this and other rape statistics here.

Not quite Beyonce

Came across this is another blogger group.  I think I am in love.  Check out more of her videos on youtube : Nineteenpercent

My hubby and I were out the other day discussing some of  the online mo-fem groups I am in.  Since I frequently talk about the controversy I find in them with him, he asked, "What do you get out of them?" 

First off, I become aware of gold like this video.  Secondly, I have been more inspired to keep up with my feminist ideas.   I also feel not so trapped in a super conservative Mormon box.

It's not all bad, it's not all good.  But that's life.

A Bell Hooks Approach to Feminist Parenting

My son is four months old, but since that won't last forever, I have been researching how to raise a feminist child.  Some people will tell you that raising a feminist boy is different from raising a feminist girl.  I haven't made up my mind on the subject just yet.  This is the first of many posts that I will write giving varied perspectives of feminist parenting.  I do not necessarily hold the same opinions.  I am simply sharing what I find. 

One thing that did jump out at me in my reading for the evening was a piece on feminist parenting by Bell Hooks, a personal hero of mine.  She was describing how the physical discipline of children can influence their ideas of battered women.  This may seem like a stretch-  it seemed that way to me at first.  In her book Feminism is for Everybody: Passionate Politics, Bell Hooks writes,

I often tell the story of being at a fancy dinner party where a woman is describing the way she disciplines her young son by pinching him hard, clamping down on his little flesh for as long as it takes to control him.  And how everyone applauded her willingness to be a disciplinarian.  I shared the awareness that her behavior was abusive, that she was potentially planting the seed for this male child to grow up and be abusive to women.  Significantly, I told the audience of listeners that if we had heard a man telling us how he just clamps down on a woman's flesh, pinching her hard to control her behavior it would have been immediately acknowledge as abusive.  Yet when a child is being hurt this form of negative domination is condoned.  

 She goes on to say that children have no civil liberties and are often viewed as property of the parent.  This physical power that a parent can exert over a child translates into a person who can physically dominate another will/should do so to maintain control.  Honestly, the two were apples and oranges to me until reading this book, and perhaps they still are.  It's an interesting perspective.

Hubby and I were discussing this in the car.  He's my skeptic on all things that go against cultural inertia, so I like to get his opinion on such things.  He said he understood what Bell Hooks was saying, but it is a parent's job to teach a child how to behave whereas that is not the case of a spouse.

I would have to say my current thoughts are that discipline is a not multiple choice where all answers are mutually exclusive, but rather a continuum where generally the parent knows the child best.  I was a recipient of the occassional spanking and I will absolutely, 100% not stand for violence against women. 

But then I look again, and maybe there is something to what Bell Hooks has to offer....

How does this sit with you?

**On a side note, this is not to say that either of us agree with the idea of using physical punishment to correct behavior but rather for argument's sake.  We have yet to get to a place in our parenting where discipline plays a role at all, but we had discussed the need for a pop on the bum to get a clear understanding to a child who isn't listening and the consequence could be dangerous (such as touching a hot stove).  However, I will not assume a position on that or presume anyone else has it right or wrong until I have hit that place in my parenting. **