Anxiously Engaged in a Good Cause

Summer has been very busy.  It seems like I always feel that way, but our summer has been and will continue to be super jam packed.  This is probably my fault because I love having something to do.  I get antsy when there is something to pour myself into.  J and I joke about how if he leaves me alone for too long, he'll come home to new walls in our home and old walls torn down (when I say we joke about it, what I really mean is we laugh about the times that has actually happened).  In the Doctrine and Covenants  it tells us:

Verily I say, [you] should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, 

and do many things of [your] own free will, 

and bring to pass much righteousness.*

This is my favorite scripture and one that I hope to impress its importance to my progeny.  Believe in something enough to take action.  Be passionate an educated about your ideals.

For a while my good cause has been feminism and causes surrounding political equality for all.  I am truly excited with much of the happenings lately politically.  While there are a few causes that I feel particularly strong about (Ahem, cough, Planned Parenthood, cough), I think taking a break from high involvement in macro level politics is going to be good for me.  So.  Is it time to tear down some more walls?

I'm thinking not.  While we were visiting Utah a little while back, two happenings led me in a new direction. The first was reading a book called Living Green: a practical guide to simple sustainability by Greg Horn.  As you could probably take surmise from the title, it's a book about living our daily lives in a more Earth-friendly fashion.  Here's my mini-book-review:

If you can get past the fact that Horn has an issue with definitely presenting his argument and a total disregard for the oxford comma, it is a pretty handy resource.  The book is divided into three parts:  health, home, and future.  This is particularly convenient because you don't necessarily have to sit down and read the whole book.  A lot of times with my household crazy, I skim books like this rather than dedicate the three months it would actually take me to accumulate enough time to read it.  Within each chapter there are grey boxes that list WHAT YOU CAN DO, and then lists four to eight steps you can take to move in a greener direction.  The chapter goes on to describe in detail the steps, give examples, and also to suggest how to break these steps down into bite size pieces that you and your family can handle.  I know that, personally, changes in my life are more likely to stick around if I implement them if a slow and rational fashion (Think Cam's crash diet in Modern Family).

The second happening was a text message that read:  Do you want to do a triathlon with me?

What does it all mean?  It means I found found my next cause.  It may sound extreme- it does to me anyway-but I have really been thinking about preparation.  When I think about the commandments and wise suggestions from the First Presidency and the Twelve Apostles I realize that every advice and direction given is in preparation for something more.  A few examples, you ask?

1. Do not steal:  Preparing a person to be honorable for others to trust.  When you trust those with whom you work, more is accomplished to a higher standard.  Everyone benefits.
2. Don't cheat on your spouse:  Preparation to have strong family unit for protection and happiness.  Preparation of loyalty so one doesn't have to choose in the moment to who she should be loyal.  
3. Take care of your body (or the Word of Wisdom):  Preparation for your body to be healthy enough and strong enough to take on whatever the Lord requires of you as we go through out our journey.  

My new cause is... drum roll, please...  taking care of our environment and our bodies.  I am really worried that by the time my kiddo has babies, the world is going to be a grim place by how previous generations have taken care of it.  We have started recycling and trying to make all of our household products all natural if not organic.  It can make a difference not only for the environment but in how the members of the household feel.  As far as caring for my personal body, I am really paying attention to what I put in it.  I am never (read: NEVER) in favor of dieting plans**, but if I were, I think I would like Weight Watchers because from what I have heard, it teaches not how to starve yourself, but rather how to make sensible choices.  And that, my friends, is what health is about:  Making choices for your body both nutritionally and physically.  My personal goals for health are to finish two triathlons before October.  I'll be sure to tell ya'll how I do.  

What is your cause today?

*Please note that I am consciously ignoring President Dalton's ideas on this particular topic.  I think she was a wonderful Young Women's president, but that her thoughts on action for rights were a little skewed towards the end.

**This is not because I am adverse to watching your weight, but I think any plan, no matter how efficient or healthy or reliable it is, that places its focus first on weight-loss and second on real health is a terrible idea.  And a terrible plan.  And yes, my idea of real health is demanding and stringent.  

Feminists and Femininity

Hello love! 
I've been doing a bit of light reading (catching up on your blog), and i have some thoughts: I have been thinking a lot about being a woman these days, and I think there is a vast empty canyon between "girly girls" and feminists. Why has it been so difficult for me to find my own balance? I think it is valuable and important to spend time painting your nails, because you should spend some time on yourself. I also think when it comes to "binders full of women" kind of issues we should feel confident enough to stand up and compete with men. Go take over those jobs ladies! (if you want them). If that means a power suit with shoulder pads, then do it.
UGH!! Why can't we (as women) be feminine and still command the respect we deserve from society? Can you imaging if a female CEO sat down at a board meeting and started breast feeding? The world may explode. But why? Why does one have to undermine or compete with the other? I am a hippie and a business owner who wants to wear red lipstick!!!
We get confused, and think being a girl and being a woman are the same thing. They are not. I've grown out of lip smackers* teen beat, and glitter eye shadow. It's time to grown up, embrace your curves, and take pride in being a woman. With sex appeal, education and ambition.
I have never felt like I was good at being a girl. I do like being a woman though. I am trying to re-invent myself a little bit. Even though I am uncomfortable sometimes, I am wearing red lipstick all the time. It makes me feel good, It makes a statement, and I think like Elizabeth Taylor says: Put on your lipstick, pour yourself a drink, and pull yourself together.
That was a lot, thank you for reading. 
*note: you are never too old for lip smackers. I was only making a point. :)


My Red lipstick rocking friend :),
The short answer is that people are most comfortable with boxes. These boxes are incredibly limiting. It's also a tool used by people to make a group as small and unlikable as possible. Think about how many times you've heard the phrase "I'm not a feminist, but...." So many people don't want to be classified as feminist because anti-feminist push the image of unshaven, no make-up, buzz cut women who look more lumberjack than most men. And let's be honest, not many people enjoy having that image attached to what they stand for.
Personally, I think that's garbage. I always go back to the basic definition: equality between sexes and genders. I think the more diversity to support the cause, the better. One of my favorite pictures is one of a "Votes for Women" march. The women are dressed to the nines in their lace and big skirts with hoops in them. These are not "butch" women. These are ladies with an agenda.  I say rock on red lipstick and whatever else makes you feel bold and your best self.
I think another point you hit on was the difference between being a girl and a woman, and the cutesie make-up being different from the entire make-up (not just cosmetics, but everything that makes up a woman's outward appearance). I was reading in a book called "Cinderella Ate my Daughter" where it discusses how society and the media sexualizes girls from a very, very young age (think baby bikinis). Because of that, women are very good at displaying sexy but not internalizing sexy. Our "sexy" is a display rather than something we feel- I accredit much of this to society and the media's boxes of what we should and shouldn't be.
Why can't I buzz my hair and wear fake eyelashes and red lipstick? Because it conflicts with society's boxes. It's all or nothing. Except it isn't. That's just what you're made to believe.

Much love,
Blythe

Snarky Modesty Comic...

... to go along with my modesty post

Given to me by Alexandra Holbrook-  Thanks!

Tidbits from the week

This week has been hard for me, so there is no real put together topic for this post-  it's going to be a little of this, a little of that.  I started my week seeing another feminist secret this week on the Post Secret Blog.  It served as a reminder to me that we are all hypocrites until we're perfect (which I don't really believe to be attainable in this life), so we need to cut others and ourselves some slack.    To the author of this secret:  You are not a failure-  you need help and support.  Don't we all?

I started my book review for Cinderella Ate My Daughter, by Peggy Orenstein.  Get excited for that because it was excellent book, and I have so much to say about it that it is turning into a huge project simply organizing my thoughts about it.  I feel like I am back in college writing a paper.  Anyone with a daughter-Heck, anyone with a kid or who has been a kid- I think you should read this book.  But more on that whenever I have the time to post my book review.

Last week while shopping for some kiddo stuff, I saw this little number in the infant section.  I haven't worked out the details in my mind, but I would rather my little swim naked than swim in this.  I think it has to do with naked being chalked up to her being a baby, but this swimsuit begin sexualization in infancy.  But how?  I need help identifying what it is that makes it so, but I truly believe naked would be more appropriate.  Please leave your ideas in the comments below.  Or if you feel like being more private about it, email me.

Here's another random:  I have noticed recently that it would seem I am more drawn to music from male musicians.  It's weird.  I noticed this because in trying to update my current listening enjoyment, I was trying to balance the female/ male contributions, but overwhelmingly, my musical taste leans towards male voices, with the exception of the Broadway genre.  In Broadway, I think I like female voices because then the range is good for me to rock out along with them.  I would be really interested in finding some statistics or readings on male versus female musicians.  Is this merely my taste in music or there a reason I lean towards male musicians?

While staying at my mom's over the holiday, Baby had the chance to play with both his toys and some of my childhood toys.  I have to admit, when I saw him playing with both his toy truck and my (now his) dollhouse, it warmed my heart and made me smile.  I've seen this meme going around in which a picture showing matchbox cars tucked into doll furniture is accompanied with the caption that this is what happens when you trying to disprove gender stereotypes.  To that I respond that trying to break gender stereotypes after a child has learned them is hard.  Starting from the get-go is another thing entirely.

Lastly, I have been debating whether or not to march in the Charleston Pride Parade this Saturday.  I really want to, but I'm sure there will be repercussions associated with it.  Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing?  I would really love ya'll's feedback this week!

Modest is Hottest, and, If You're Not Modest, Get Ready For Wrath, You Hussie

When I began the process of becoming a Mormon, one of my first activities was to go through all of my clothing and evaluate it's appropriateness with questions like these:

1. Does is have sleeves?
2. Can any cleavage be seen?
3. Does it show my stomach at all?
4. If I lift my arms, will any skin show?
5. Does it fall below my knees?

I was really gungho about it at the time, convinced anything other than complete coverage was completely inappropriate.  After about three months of this, I tried on one of my old skirts that came three inches above my thigh-  I felt naked.  However, I did not feel naked because what I was wearing was an atrocity;  I felt naked because I had convinced and practiced myself into that mentality.  

I saw this on Facebook today, and I got fired up a bit.  Of course this calls for a dissection.

1. Please address me as something besides a girl.  I am not a prepubescent child.  Someone somewhere will rebut this saying this is addressed to young females.  I respond to that by saying that "Men" need not be giving attention to "girls."
2. This was posted by a Facebook group called "Mormons," so I can only conclude it is church members spreading this.  Dressing differently than dictated in the For Strength of Youth does not mean that a person is dirty, slutty, or anything else.  Certainly not that they have been rolling in manure.
3. The attention one receives when dressing without consulting LDS standards is pretty much the same.  Take it from someone who knows.  More on this later. 

The idea that one is either modest or immodest reinforces the Virgin/Whore Dichotomy in which one can be either the purest of pure or a whore.  This dichotomy is deprecating to women because it leaves out options of moderation and normalcy while instilling fear that once a line is crossed, there is no return.  Think Britney Spears.  Long, long ago, in a high school far away, Britney Spears started as the good girl next door.  Her resume included the Mickey Mouse Club and other Disney related fame.  However, the moment she took one step off the purity train there was nowhere to go except to get racier and racier because American pop culture only desires the Madonna figure or the stripper.  My point is this: Not wearing sleeves doesn't make you immodest.  

This is a picture of me (gasp!) the summer
after I turned 19. When I see this picture,
 I don't think modest or not, I simply
see a picture from a great week. 

One day while shopping with my MIL, she commented that I had probably dressed modestly before I converted.  "Nope!" was the only answer I provided.  The truth of the matter is, I did not wear sleeves.  Or cover my mid drift.  Or wear skirts down to my knees.  The men I attracted were pretty much the same:  a lot of guys that I had no interest in dating and a couple I was.  Ladies, I'm going to let you in on a little secret:  Straight men are attracted to women.  Here's another gem:  The type of man you attract is more about your actions than your outfit. 

I am against the idea that men can't control themselves or their thoughts when a woman dresses a certain way.  I'll tell you this, if that were the case, Mormons would never go swimming.  How is it that men can keep their hands off me in a bathing suit at the beach, but walking around the mall, a tank top is their self control evaporates?  Genuinely, I do not understand.  

Finally, I'd like put in a complaint about the general need people feel to police others.  The meme in the beginning is a prime example of (slut)shaming others into dressing the way another believes they should dress.  And this starts at the primary age**!  When children are taught that it is imperative to dress a certain way or they are bad, they learn to call others out on their dress.  Children need to be taught to police themselves based on their specific beliefs, and not to push that on others (whether within or without their religious establishment).  We teach children judgment.  In the words of Shawn Mullins (one of my favorites),

We're born to shimmer, we're born to shine, we're born to radiate.

  We born to live, we're born to love, we're born to never hate.  

And yet, it is practices like policing others where we begin to teach children to judge and hate.  Appropriateness is different depending on where where one is or the culture.  To think that one culture is the be all end all is incredibly arrogant.  

Now, before I get a thousand hate comments (feel free to leave them anyway, but read this paragraph first).  I think there is value in dressing appropriately for the situation.  I think there is value in teaching modest dress to children.  The problem I have is when we attach a person's worth to how they dress.    Rather than teach children that they are good when they cover up, perhaps we should teach them the principles that will help them learn respect for their bodies. 

And quit shoving your beliefs (whether LDS or not, whether high coverage or low coverage) on other people.

**To readers who belong to my home ward-  I am not talking specifically about our primary (I have the utmost respect for our Primary President).  My comments are based on an amalgamation of experiences in many wards, parental teachings, and group discussions.

Debunk the funk / Feminists are Ugly

Have the words "I'm not a feminist, but..." ever come out of your mouth or out of the mouth of someone you know?  I find that often times the reason for this qualification before delivering a feminist sentiment is because of the fear of becoming associated with the unsavory feminist stereotypes.
In order to show that the feminist Kool-Aid doesn't turn you ugly or into a lesbian or even into a man-hater,   I've decided that over this week I am going to debunk some feminist stereotypes.  It's going to be loads of fun as we sort through this garbage together.  And go ahead, throw me your stereotypes!

1.  Feminists are ugly

Hardly.  Although some would have you believe that all feminists are unshaven, fat, and simply ugly, I assure you, standing up for equality and women's rights does not mean you will suddenly become unfortunate looking.  Where does this stereotype come from?  It is the opinion of some that this stereotype is one used to discredit feminists by using something very personal rather than actual facts.  It is an oppressive statement.  It causes fear in people who want to be attractive, and doesn't everyone to some extent?  

It is my thought that this stereotype also stems from feminists recognizing and bringing attention to the difference between the "beauty" presented by the media and true beauty.  Feminists do not subscribe to the idea that only one type of body or one shade of skin or eye color or face shape is beautiful.  Feminists do not believe in photo-shopping the human quality out of photos.  The media not only wants you to believe that people actually look like that, but if you don't, you are doing something wrong and should be ashamed.  Don't be fooled.  No one looks like that.  And that doesn't make you ugly.  

At any rate, here are some examples.  Hopefully you soon see that there are quite a few hotties who classify themselves as feminists.  

Resolutions of the Feminist Kind

Did you know that over 70% of resolution makers list weight loss as a resolution?  It wasn't that big of a shock to me when I think about what undue pressure is put on people to be thin.  We aren't pressured to eat right and take care of our bodies, we are told to be thin. 

At. Any. Cost.

A while back I was told that one way to insure keeping weight off that you've already lost is to get rid of any clothes that are too big, lest you have the temptation to just slide right back into fitting into them.  Well, I say keep clothes around that fit.  If you don't want to keep around the clothes that are too big, then don't, but, honey, get rid of the ones that are too small as well.



I can't mention my amazing son and then
not put up a picture.  That would be silly.



As some of my readers know, I had a baby back in June of this year.  After my pregnancy, my body just changed.  My bust went up three sizes (hey, I'm still nursing, okay?), my hips are wider, I still have pregnancy weight on me, and due to my son's entry into the world via Cesarean Section, I have the belly pooch.  The past six months, I have felt absolutely horrible in all the clothes that weren't preggy clothes, and then, it dawned on me:

I felt like I looked bad because the clothes I was wearing were no longer clothes that suited me. 

And that's the truth.  Rather than beat myself up for not fitting into clothes that once hung right and accentuated the good, I needed clothes that accentuated the new good.  My body is still beautiful, darnit!

Now back to dieting;  Do not believe that I am against health.  I certainly am not.  I think changing your diet for health is an amazingly good thing to do.  I think as a nation, it is something that we truly need to focus more on.  My resolution is to focus on creating a healthier intake of food for my family and not to worry if the pants that look best on me say size 12 on the tag inside.  



Why LYB Day is so important to me

This is what inspired me to celebrate Love Your Body Day each year.  Jean Kilbourne is amazing.  I will say that this material is not rated G.  It is, however, nothing that isn't seen in any magazine you pick up in a grocery store. 

What are  your thoughts?