Priesthood Does Not Equate Motherhood (And other thoughts)

Something that I hear often is that Priesthood is the equivalent of Motherhood.  I think that a concept like that diminishes the role of father. A father should be just as active in the raising of children as the mother.  Just as interested. Just as involved.
I was reading an article over here at Empowering LDS Women and enjoyed this chart:

The blogger then goes on to equate a woman's ability to give physical birth to a man's ability to give spiritual birth via the saving ordinances of the Priesthood.  However, that doesn't add up for me either.  Giving birth doesn't require a worthiness check.  It doesn't require an entire youth program to advance through milestones of separate "job well done"s like receiving the Aaronic Priesthood and the Melchizedek Priesthood.  Giving birth doesn't even require being a mother.  Likewise, being a mother doesn't require giving birth.  An adoptive mother is as much a mother as any other (Say that five time fast!).  So.  That explanation is a dead end.  

I would say that the only thing the Priesthood can be equated to is Priestess-hood (my online dictionary doesn't even recognize that as a word *sigh*).   It has been said to me that Priesthood is the most important duty of a man and that motherhood is the most important duty of a woman, but I am not the only person who disagrees with this.  President Ezra Taft Benson said, "We bring children into the world to become kings and queens, priests and priestesses for our Lord."*  That would imply that we (women) come here first and foremost to become priestesses.  I can live with that.  I can even live with the fact that our (women's) status of Priestess is not going to be realized in this lifetime, even though I don't understand why.  

What does actually bother me is the endless explanations of why it doesn't speak poorly of me to not have the Priesthood, pretending it's equal to some other aspect of my womanly life.  I am not two-  I don't need a made up explanation.  What bothers me more is the perceived inequity from small children when being explained that girls and women will never receive the priesthood.  

And it's not just that, the female youth are not nearly as celebrated or empowered as the male youth.  The Young Men go to all sorts of Courts of Honor, Eagle Scout Awards, Priesthood progressions, etc.  The Young Women do Personal Progress, but even that receives much less recognition than an Eagle Scout award.  

At one ward I attended, the Young Women were not allowed to feed the homeless because it was in a bad part of town and dangerous whereas the Young Men went once a month.  This in no way teaches equitable empowerment.  Quite the contrary.  It teaches them they are not as capable.  Fear shouldn't win.

I really believe if we started boys and girls off with the same amount of support, if we celebrated both sexes (and genders, but that's another issue) equally, if we empowered Young Women and Young Men, the whole issue of woman not having the Priesthood in this lifetime would be a non-issue.  

*From the talk Because I Live, Ye Shall Live Also

I Get Angry (Part 2)

A part of me even hates to breach this subject because I know that some readers will immediately think to themselves, Well, this is it-  I knew it would happen. There is no such thing as a socially liberal Mormon.  If that's you, feel free to quit reading now.  I don't need your judgment.  I am not attacking the church.  I am not criticizing anyone else.  What I am doing is opening up about what I am going through.  I write this not in anger, but in sincere effort to find truth.  Truth is supposed to feel good and right, correct?  I am struggling.  Woman, oh woman, am I struggling.

I am even more cautious about posting this because of the number of responses I received yesterday.  I  am worried things will change drastically in my life if I come right out and say what I am struggling and unhappy with because, from what I have seen, Mormons view people outside of the church very differently than those inside.  Which is not to say I'm leaving.  I am working through some stuff-  Stuff that needs to be addressed in my mind.  This does not make me rebellious or a bad Christian.  In my opinion, God wants us to question so that we can learn.  Think about science-  how do we ever learn anything?  We first generate a hypothesis and then work to disprove it.  That is how we learn.

There are quite a few things that I believe in strongly:

1. Blessings-  I cannot deny that I have firsthand seen the power of blessings.  
2. Focus on families and community- and I believe in forever families.  But I believed that before I joined this church.
3. Service-  I love service.  In fact, I get a service high.   
4. Visiting Teaching*- along with service, I believe in a network of community.  I believe in looking out for one another and being responsibly to one another.  It's a beautiful doctrine of Christ's ministry.  My Visiting Teachers are amazing-  They give me love, support, and help me grow.  
5. I do believe in the Garden of Gethsemane Atonement rather than just the Crucifixion.  
6. I love unpaid clergy and callings.  Generally speaking.  
7. The Word of Wisdom has definitely provided blessings for me in my life.  

I know there are more, but off the cuff, these are ones that I love.  However, there is some straight up LDS doctrine that I do not believe.  The general patriarchal organization makes me cringe.  I hate it, and if I am to be perfectly honest, I don't believe in it.  I understand this may be hard for some Mormons to understand how I can question the "divine nature of men and women," but I think if the tables were turned, it would be a whole other story.  A friend posted these questions (Would a rational man join a church that...) when trying to explain why some women feel awkward and misplaced within this church.  I assume that I am going to get this reaction: Well, you don't fully understand the Priesthood.  Okay.  Well, according to those I've listened to most people don't.  However, you know whether you agree with what you do know, right?  I know I disagree.
I have a problem with the general downplay and secrecy of a few church matters.  You know what I was not told about as an investigator?  Emma Smith's trials.  I was never told that Emma did not approve of or even know about Joseph's extra wives (Yeah, check your church history-  if anyone can show me otherwise, I would really appreciate seeing it).  Second Endowments-  what the heck is that?  Something that is so sacred no one should even know they exist?  Why would/ does God want us to jump through so many hoops to come back to him.  And while the Family Proclamation was gone over during my investigation, I have described on this blog before that I take issue with a few points in it.  Mainly that families are to be started by a man and a woman only and the assigned gender roles.  I have also read quite a few accounts of Church discipline councils to be incredibly disappointed.

So....  where to now?  How do I proceed?  Believe it or not, I have a strong desire to believe.  Truly, I do.  I want to believe and belong, but I can't pretend I do when I don't.  But I do love so much about this church.  And of course, Hubby is very believing.  My solution, for now, is not to fake it 'til I make it, but rather to confront my feelings.  I continue to talk with God- probably more now than I ever have in my whole life.  I am continuing to attend meetings, but I am completely comfortable walking out when a lesson goes into something for which I don't stand.  I believe in loving and doing right by people.  I am still very edified by most of the lessons, and it is few and far between that a General Conference talk leaves me feeling slighted.  I will hold on to those.  I will hold on to the good I see and feel until something changes.  I pray for guidance.  I pray that if there is a right way that it will be showed to me, so until then, here I am.

We have been encouraged time and time again to find out for ourselves- to know for ourselves that this church is the one true church.  I don't know that, and I truly don't believe that anyone can fault me for it.

*Visiting Teaching is monthly visiting about 3-5 five assigned women-  it provides network and support.

What's in a (Husband's) Name?

No witty introduction-  I am going straight to the heart of this post immediately.  My name is not Mrs. "Husband's name" McCuistion, so cut that garbage out.

I understand that at one time being a woman meant that I was to be given to my husband upon our marriage, but, folks, it's a new day and age.  I haven't been given to anyone because this life is still my own.

I struggled with the decision to change my last name when I got married.  In fact, I kept my maiden name for a couple of weeks after my marriage,  until I cracked under pressure to change it.  At church, no one would call me "Sister Wooten," even when I specifically corrected them.  I corrected one member of the bishopric three times, told him that I hadn't changed my name, but, alas, was stilled called "Sister McCuistion."  I buckled.  It didn't seem like that big of a deal.  Sure, I was giving up the name I had grown up with and identified with for the past twenty-two years, but that didn't mean a loss of identity, right?

And then, it came.
That's right, the first piece of mail that was formally addressed to me:  "Mrs. Hubby McCuistion"

What. The. Heck.

As explained to me by many when I expressed my dissatisfaction, I had no right to feel this way.  Addressing me as "Mrs. Hubby McCuistion" is proper etiquette.  It's polite.  It's simple manners.
Well.  I am still a human being with my own identity, and therefore my own name.
Secondly, I prefer Ms. over Mrs. and here's why:  Men don't have a special prefix indicating whether they are married or not  because it doesn't matter.  However, the world views very differently the married woman and the single.  I do not care to be known by name as being married because if it is pertinent enough to the situation, my marital status will can be disclosed upon request.

I am not throwing stones at individuals who have addressed me as "Mrs. Hubby McCuistion."  That would be silly since I can only assume that specific people are not doing it as a purposeful insult.  No, I do assume that each individual is doing only what feels right to her or him.  However, the practice as a society really irks me.

However, companies and people with whom I have professional dealings best recognize.
Today I came home, and, excitingly, found two different new adoption packets in the mail (I think it's public knowledge now that we are looking to adopt our next-  if it wasn't before, it is now).  I looked at each, and then...  There is was:  Mr. and Mrs. Hubby McCuistion.
Worth mentioning is that each of the packets I have applied for I have filled out MY information and only included my husband's name because the applications asked for the name of spouse.
Again,
What.  The.  Heck????

It is really unfortunate, but I sincerely wish more with every passing week that I had kept my maiden name.**  Hubby's opinion is that having one name unites us as a family.  I am not so sure.  I think what unites us is our commitment and our binding marriage contract (Oh, right, we're LDS, so and covenant).  I think names are merely a formality, particularly in adopted families.  When we adopt a child, I don't intend on changing the child's last name if they already have one (we are planning on adopting a toddler) because it's a part of who they are.

Becoming a family doesn't mean changing who you are, it mean's shaping who you will become with one another.



*I refer to my husband's first name as "Hubby" because while I don't mind disclosing who I am, perhaps he would prefer not to offer up that information.

**I am not suggesting that this is something for everyone as long as no one is saying changing one's name is something for everyone either.

"Mugging"

*For those who have seen this before, I deleted the last two lines in order to clean it up.  I don't mind a swear here and there, but with such a varied audience, I cannot in good conscience post an F bomb on the blog.