Pay Grade of a Stay at Home Mom

Conversation with Jason while freezer meals.

Me:  

Hey, maybe when I go back to school I could take a couple cooking courses.  Then I could be on Master Chef or something like that.  Haha, no I could never do that.  

-beat of silence-

Well, I mean I could do it, but I can't handle getting yelled at like that.  I mean, I could handle it, but at this point, it's below my pay grade.  

Ezra:  

I wuv you, Mama.  I wuv you.

Me:  

Yep, that's my pay grade now.  

Renovations!

Before picture:  

Every single day since Ezra could crawl, this bookcase has given me a heartattack.  What you can't see in this picture is that directly over that bookcase is a one story fall.  I was told that I should just train my kiddo not to climb, but in the words of Jason:  "Training is for activities you are allowed to fail at once in a while."  Thus something had to be done about these shelves.  

Demolition:

So we destroyed them.  Or, we removed them-  we actually used some of the wood from the original shelves to build ourselves the new ones.  

Time out:

Projects aren't complete without Orange Crush in a bottle.  We aren't soda in our house kind of people, but when ever projects that require several days of attention arise, it's Orange Soda in a glass bottle time.  

Demolition complete:

As you can see, not only was it a one story fall, but there are hardwood stairs to break your fall (and your neck) when you tumble over.  

Putting in supports

Drywall

Plaster

Beginning shelves.  We reused wood from the old shelves.

More shelves.

Ezra is helping.

White washed.

Wall of shelves <3  No more fear of kiddo falling over and down an entire story.  

And of course the real after picture, by which I mean 6 months after the project is completed.  We use the bottom two shelves as kiddo shelves (for now anyways-  new project is about to be in the works for a playroom :) :) ), the middle shelves for "Mama Books" (of course meaning mine and Jason's), and the upper two shelves for display items not meant for little, sticky fingers.  

Goals for 2014

One of our missionaries gave an awesome talk about goals a month or so ago.  He said that we need not meet every goal we set to be headed in the right direction.  I know that to be true.  A year after I had joined the church, was I where I wanted to be?  No, but when I looked at the progress I had made, I was very happy with how far I had come.  Focusing on progress is great.  Here are my goals for the year.  I am optimistic about how much I can progress :)

1. Make freezer meals.  I really want to do this.  I prefer home cooked meals to processed food.  Chicken nuggets (Or my version: "Chikin Nuggets" aka soy nuggets) are a great occasional go to, but honestly, nothing beats a home cooked meal.  One day, when I have a few hours and a clean kitchen (and maybe a deep freezer), I am going to make freezer meals so that I can feed my family a home cooked meal even when I do not want to make said meal.
2. Learn to sew.  This is something I have wanted for a while.  Conveniently, my mama got me sewing classes for Christmas :)
3. Make, keep, and maintain a chore schedule.  Hopefully, hopefully, hopefully this will help me maintain my sanity between the toddler and baby. 
4. Find educational activities for my son.  Holy Cow, he's old enough to start preschool in the fall.  How the heck did that happen?  I guess now is the time to make sure he is getting educational play.  
5. Complete one full year of 100% Visiting Teaching.  I'm a decent visiting teacher....  my people know me-  I think well enough to tell me if they need something.  I hope so.  I need to know so.  Here is trying for twelve months of seeing, writing, calling, and serving my wonderful ladies.
6. One new recipe a week.  I got an awesome Moosewood cookbook for Christmas, and I intend to use it.  I've made a list of meals for three weeks.  Hopefully each week I can substitute a new meal for one on the list.  Even if I only have a 25% success rate that means that next year I'll have 12 new meals we all love.  

Good luck for your goals and resolutions!

To tide you over

While I have been blogging a ton lately, not much has been publish because most of the posts are time sensitive.  For example, we have been working on a home remodel, and I don't want to reveal beginning pictures until we're ready with completed pictures.

That being said, get excited because cool stuff is coming.  And now some cuteness to tide you over until the other blogs are published.

This is how I realized we were in so. much. trouble. this summer.  Watch out, parents, I can I reach the fridge.  

Riding the carousel at the zoo on our Mama-Ezra outing. 

This kid loves a hat.  Eating DQ with PopPop.

"I'm not getting into mischief, Mama, honest."

Oh, the Farmer and the Cowman Should be Friends

This won't be posted until I announce that I am pregnant, but I think I need to blog about it anyway.  I was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome during my first and only prior pregnancy.

H (hemolysis)
EL (elevated liver enzymes)
LP (low platelets)

For more information and specifics about HELLP syndrome, click here, but the short version is that if Preeclampsia were little league baseball, HELLP is a similar World Series winning variety of pregnancy induce disease.
I was not treated as a HELLP patient until many weeks after it reared its ugly head.  The honest truth was that the doctors and nurses prepared my family for the possibility that only my baby would be leaving the hospital with my family.  The short and least dramatic version of this story is that after a week of hospital, I did get better, and I left the hospital, healthy baby and healthy me.

taken from www.physio-pedia.com

Fast forward to now.  I am almost 5 weeks pregnant.  I have wanted this for a long, long time.  I have prayed for this.  I have longed for this.  And now that I am pregnant, I am scared.  I am scared because fate in was in my favor for my last encounter with HELLP syndrome.  The more research I do, the more I wish I would stop.  I seeing things like way premature birth, extended hospitalization towards the end of pregnancy, and fatalities.  Awesome.  Because what a pregnant woman really needs is cause to worry.  Because pregnant women surely do not worry about anything else while pregnant.

All sarcasm aside, I need a plan.  I am of the opinion that in many situations, mind is way over matter.  I need a positive attitude.  This is going to be okay.  I am also of the opinion that natural, preventative is best, but I am grateful for medical science when the need arises.  In the world today it seems like natural medicine and medical science are always at odds with one another (To vaccinate or not to vaccinate, to have Pitocin or let your body create Oxytocin), but I believe the farmer and the cowman can be friends.  I believe I need both to ensure a healthy and long baked pregnancy.

It turns out, much to my dismay, I might need a specialist OBGYN.  And that sucks.  I love midwives.  I love the low key, this-is-what-your-body-was-made-for attitude of midwives.  They don't push Pitocin simply because they are tired of waiting for you to deliver.  They listen.  They believe you deliver your baby while they catch the baby.  Doctors seem to be the complete opposite.  Check out The Business of Being Born.  This documentary changed my view of birth forever.  I am dreading going to an actual OBGYN, but it seems that my prior experience with HELLP leaves me with little choice.  However, that does not mean that I will develop HELLP this go round.  It means I have between 1 in 5 and 1 in 4 chance of developing HELLP again this pregnancy.  So, here's my plan:  natural and preventative health so that I do not develop HELLP syndrome again and a specialist OBGYN if I do.  I am going to keep a log of my HELLP-free journey because there is a serious need for one.  Looking forward to your support and encouragement!

Anxiously Engaged in a Good Cause

Summer has been very busy.  It seems like I always feel that way, but our summer has been and will continue to be super jam packed.  This is probably my fault because I love having something to do.  I get antsy when there is something to pour myself into.  J and I joke about how if he leaves me alone for too long, he'll come home to new walls in our home and old walls torn down (when I say we joke about it, what I really mean is we laugh about the times that has actually happened).  In the Doctrine and Covenants  it tells us:

Verily I say, [you] should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, 

and do many things of [your] own free will, 

and bring to pass much righteousness.*

This is my favorite scripture and one that I hope to impress its importance to my progeny.  Believe in something enough to take action.  Be passionate an educated about your ideals.

For a while my good cause has been feminism and causes surrounding political equality for all.  I am truly excited with much of the happenings lately politically.  While there are a few causes that I feel particularly strong about (Ahem, cough, Planned Parenthood, cough), I think taking a break from high involvement in macro level politics is going to be good for me.  So.  Is it time to tear down some more walls?

I'm thinking not.  While we were visiting Utah a little while back, two happenings led me in a new direction. The first was reading a book called Living Green: a practical guide to simple sustainability by Greg Horn.  As you could probably take surmise from the title, it's a book about living our daily lives in a more Earth-friendly fashion.  Here's my mini-book-review:

If you can get past the fact that Horn has an issue with definitely presenting his argument and a total disregard for the oxford comma, it is a pretty handy resource.  The book is divided into three parts:  health, home, and future.  This is particularly convenient because you don't necessarily have to sit down and read the whole book.  A lot of times with my household crazy, I skim books like this rather than dedicate the three months it would actually take me to accumulate enough time to read it.  Within each chapter there are grey boxes that list WHAT YOU CAN DO, and then lists four to eight steps you can take to move in a greener direction.  The chapter goes on to describe in detail the steps, give examples, and also to suggest how to break these steps down into bite size pieces that you and your family can handle.  I know that, personally, changes in my life are more likely to stick around if I implement them if a slow and rational fashion (Think Cam's crash diet in Modern Family).

The second happening was a text message that read:  Do you want to do a triathlon with me?

What does it all mean?  It means I found found my next cause.  It may sound extreme- it does to me anyway-but I have really been thinking about preparation.  When I think about the commandments and wise suggestions from the First Presidency and the Twelve Apostles I realize that every advice and direction given is in preparation for something more.  A few examples, you ask?

1. Do not steal:  Preparing a person to be honorable for others to trust.  When you trust those with whom you work, more is accomplished to a higher standard.  Everyone benefits.
2. Don't cheat on your spouse:  Preparation to have strong family unit for protection and happiness.  Preparation of loyalty so one doesn't have to choose in the moment to who she should be loyal.  
3. Take care of your body (or the Word of Wisdom):  Preparation for your body to be healthy enough and strong enough to take on whatever the Lord requires of you as we go through out our journey.  

My new cause is... drum roll, please...  taking care of our environment and our bodies.  I am really worried that by the time my kiddo has babies, the world is going to be a grim place by how previous generations have taken care of it.  We have started recycling and trying to make all of our household products all natural if not organic.  It can make a difference not only for the environment but in how the members of the household feel.  As far as caring for my personal body, I am really paying attention to what I put in it.  I am never (read: NEVER) in favor of dieting plans**, but if I were, I think I would like Weight Watchers because from what I have heard, it teaches not how to starve yourself, but rather how to make sensible choices.  And that, my friends, is what health is about:  Making choices for your body both nutritionally and physically.  My personal goals for health are to finish two triathlons before October.  I'll be sure to tell ya'll how I do.  

What is your cause today?

*Please note that I am consciously ignoring President Dalton's ideas on this particular topic.  I think she was a wonderful Young Women's president, but that her thoughts on action for rights were a little skewed towards the end.

**This is not because I am adverse to watching your weight, but I think any plan, no matter how efficient or healthy or reliable it is, that places its focus first on weight-loss and second on real health is a terrible idea.  And a terrible plan.  And yes, my idea of real health is demanding and stringent.  

Less (rumoring chasing) is More

My social skills are not fantastic.  That is a truth about me.  I have a hard time making real friends, though given the chance, I am pretty good at getting people like me.  A while back when I was working in as a server, I used my break to make cookies for the rest of the staff.  I have found that it is really hard to be rude to someone when they bake you cookies.

I live within the boundaries of a pretty transient ward.  About every year and half or so about 80% of the ward changes.  That can make it somewhat difficult for someone like me in the friendship area.  It makes it even more difficult when my belief system makes me stick out, so I work hard to be there whenever people need me.  I try hard to not say no when anyone needs something.  I have felt like the ward I have now is the best I have had since Hubby and I got married...    until the chitter chatter started up again.  And now, I feel a little blue.  

My first instinct is to do some research, ask a few questions, and figure out exactly who said what and when.  Then I ask myself, what good will that do?  The only thing that will come of that is that I will feel more hurt and more awkward.  

A couple years ago I toured a high security state prison for a sociology class.  When the guard was explaining his job, he told us that several inmates swear up and down that they are innocent and that his response was always the same:  Whether you are innocent or guilty at this point does not affect his job.  That was a very interesting take away for me;  His job is not judgment.  His job is to guard.  Likewise, my job is not judgment.   

I think I need to establish my expectations of myself for how I treat people.  Once I do that, I should treat everyone the same, which means the less I know about who has said mean things, the better.  The same reason I got off of Facebook:  I tend to like people more when I have less information.  That means that my behavior is independent of how others treat me.  That is how I will continue to progress. 

Division in the Ranks

Lately, particularly with the upcoming election, all I see is division.  Division between parties, division in parties, division in communities.  The two that hurt me most are division in church and division in feminist communities.  And while I expected it at church, I don't find a speech about why we currently need to go to war on Israel's behalf to be relevant to the scriptures.  There's probably a reason the First Presidency has asked us to keep politics out of our meetings.

At any rate, before all the election hullabaloo, I would see discussion of ideas.  It's human nature (Every time I use that phrase I start singing,  Why, why?  Tell 'em that it's human nature...) to disagree.  Who can say that her beliefs are 100% congruent with someone else she knows?  Certainly not me.   When my sister came to town (Look out for the post "When Sister Comes to Town"), we had many discussions, and we surely do not agree on everything.  However, the discussions gave us opportunities to learn about where we each stood and possibly gain new insight.  Possibly my favorite Humans of New York posting of all time is this one in which a girl is advised to read books by people who disagree with her.  Well, my recommendation is similar.  Talk to people to who disagree with you, and while you're talking, listen, too.  Even if your opinions don't change, you will learn so much.

As a feminist, I have gone through different phases-  just look through this blog.  In two years of writing, my feminism has morphed drastically.  I actually read posts I have written and consider taking them down because they are no longer an accurate depiction of what I believe.  I don't mostly because I find it uniquely interesting to read my progression thus far.

More to the point, there was a time I believed make up was a sign of submission and shaving your legs was selling yourself out (I can still argue this point, I just don't buy into it anymore).  I feel like (some) feminists have this ideal feminist in their minds that if you, as a woman, are not trying to be, well then you are not part of the feminist club.  Instead of discussing, I feel like there is a feminist dictating what I should be as a feminist, and really how is that any better than a men calling the shots?

I still feel feminist shame that I am pro-Life (any discussion related to this should be done privately because I refuse to be ganged up on when discussing this).  I painted my nails the other day and thought, Ooh, my feminism is getting rusty.   But it's not.  Somehow, I have to reconcile that being society prescribed feminine does not mean I am not a good feminist. In the words of Jessica Valenti, "It's all about the consciousness of your decisions."

The more we qualify what a feminist must be and tear one another down, the more we will those dreaded words: I am not a feminist, but...

And those are not the words by which I want the Third Wave to end.

Letter to a Friend

A dear friend of mine sent me a concerned email today about my relationship in the church and as a feminist.  This blog is an outlet for steam so often, I forget to include my positive feelings.  After some careful consideration, I have decided to post my response.  I think it's important to understand that I do consider myself solidly in this church.  


Hey Lady! It's good to hear from you!

I haven't stopped believing at all- In fact, quite the opposite, I find myself right now to be incredibly active. I believe in this Church- If I didn't, I wouldn't attack it; I would simply remove myself from it and dust off my hands.

My discrepancies mostly revolve around Mormon Culture. Here's a secret (okay, not so secret): I'm pretty liberal. While I don't fancy myself a Democrat (because I don't believe in binary politics), I'm VERY liberal as far as other Mormons are concerned.
There really hasn't been a point in the last three years that I haven't been Temple worthy, which to me means that I uphold the doctrine fairly well. However, I refuse to stand by while people judge me. I drink caffeine, wear shirts that sometimes show a little cleavage, watch the occasional rated R movie, and believe homosexuals should be able to marry. While all of these things make True Blue Mormons uncomfortable, they are not against what Christ taught. And they don't disqualify me from being Temple worthy. Ergo, I am fully active and in good standing.

I do not attend the Temple currently because it does not bring me peace. I have had some inner scuffles with my practices, wording, and teachings of the Church. I am currently trying (very hard, mind you) to bring peace through Christ to my life by finding joy in my work, keeping my home as a sanctuary from the world, and being the best mom I can be. I think Heavenly Father knows I am trying to please him, and He'll know when I am ready to take on more. For now, I take the basics one day at a time.

I do absolutely point out publicly (because that's the nature of a blog) when I think something has gone awry due to gender. I do this because it helps me to sort through my feelings, but also because if no one speaks up, nothing changes. Case in point: One time I went to a bishop distraught because in Sacrament Meeting it was very common for the Elders Quorum President to be referred to as "President" and the Relief Society President to be referred to as "Sister." That bishop said. "You're right; that should change." He explained that he never considered that "Sister" was below "President." Voila, change. It's small, but it matters.

Do I think there is inequality in the church? You betcha. Do I think it is fundamental? No. I think it has been created by the surrounding culture.

I hope this hasn't been too preachy or long! I'm really glad you asked, actually.

Love,
Blythe

Energy of Health

I have really been lagging lately.  Even getting eight hours of sleep a night, I seem to always be exhausted.   The first question I always seem to get, as a pescatarian is this:  are you getting enough protein?  Absolutely.  I eat so much protein, I could be a friggin' heavy weight champion (they eat a lot of protein, right?).  Eggs in the morning, soy hot dogs for lunch, and generally some sort of fish or soy product is the main event of dinner.  So why am I so exhausted all the time?  I decided to get a better idea of what I needed, I should consult my three natural health gurus: C, B, and E.  Between the three, these are the instructions I have been given, taking into consideration I am a pescatarian, nursing, O negative, 25 year-old female.

1. Cut down on the protein and focus on more, more, more vegetables, preferably whole.  V8 can help, but it shouldn't be my main vegetable source (This made me sad.  V8 and I are buddies when no other veggies are to be found).
2. Cut out the processed carbohydrates.  Again, super sad.  
3. Get an iron supplement but not too much, and in my case, make sure it is vegetarian.  I chose Nature Made.  
4. Take a multivitamin.  This is because I am nursing.  Baby takes what he needs, and I get the left overs.  Ergo, I have to make sure the left overs have enough nutrients for me.  
5. Get a B12 supplement.  Apparently this is the only nutrient that I cannot get anywhere except an animal, thus I am probably in pretty low supply.  It was explained to me that this is like the body's healthy version of caffeine.  

So.  While it seems there are some definite changes about to take place in my diet and pill intake, there is an upside:  I began this regiment a couple days ago, and I already am feeling results.  Imagine.  If I can tell a difference in my body, in particular my energy level in just two days, IMAGINE what a long term commitment to healthier eating and vitamin maintenance could mean.  

How do you maintain yourself?

Thanks Be to God (With an Attitude of Gratitude)

A Sunday-Preparation List of Grateful 

1. No matter what I seem to do, basil flourishes in my backyard. I love that Hubby and I can grow and make our own pesto, which we love so much.  
2. I live in a country with that protects the freedom of speech.  Heaven help me if I lived in a place where I had to watch my mouth.  
3. My loving family is safe and healthy.  Nothing, nothing, nothing is more important.
4. Our family has reliable employment.  It's something I have often taken for granted, but I know that I should not.  Many people would give anything for reliable employment.  
5. Clean drinking water.  Again, I usually take it for granted, but it's something to which everyone does not have access.  
6. A loving and supportive husband.  That is a tall order when pairing with someone as independent, headstrong, and passionate as I am.  
7. The right to vote.  It's one thing to write a blog persuading others, but to have a vote in what my government is doing is so much bigger.
8. Pain reliever for infants.  I am so grateful that my kiddo has something within reach to drop a fever or take the edge off of teething.
9. Medical Technology.  Without it, I would not be around to raise my son right now.  
10. Cars.  I love cars because my family is somewhat spread out at this point in our lives.  Cars make it possible for us to get together, see one another, and be a part of one another's lives.  

Human Nature

I've decided to change redirect the nature of this blog.  I am still going to pursue feminists issue avidly, but I also find that I'd like to express opinions about Attachment Parenting more often, healthy life styles, and other topics that are pertinent to my life.

I think I have already been straying in that direction anyway.  Another change is in comments.  I will now be moderating comments since some heated exchanges.  Differing opinions are totally welcome, but keep it civil.  "Anonymous" comments will be under extra scrutiny.  I want everyone to feel comfortable posting.  

This blog has almost made $20 from people clicking on ads (THANK YOU!!!!)  Any money made on this blog goes to reading to fuel this blog : )  So, Ad clicking readers, YOU ROCK!

Get excited.  This feels like a new roll out.