New Post Secret (Mormon)

From this Sunday

Boycotting

I have heard a lot about the Chick-fil-a goings on about supporting anti-gay agendas (it's like the so-called "gay agenda," only opposing), and I have heard a lot about boycotting Chick-fil-a.  I have also heard and read a lot of gripe from the pro-Chick-fil-a crowd about the boycott.  Complaints have filled up Facebook, declaring that those who are boycotting are being silly; that in fact, the boycott-ers are the truly intolerant one because they can't accept someone having different beliefs than themselves.  These public declarations denounce the boycott, calling it pointless.

To be frank, I think we need to have a talk about the purpose of a boycott.  The basic definition (there is one more complicated that involves coercion and intimidation) of a boycott is to abstain from buying or using.  I would personally add (though my name be not Webster) that for product abstinence to be cataloged under "Boycott" that a political or personal or moral statement is being made.

In applying this to the Chick-fil-a debacle, one might ask why people would boycott an organization simply for the owner having a difference of opinion.  It's true, that would be quite silly.  However, the boycott is not opposing Chick-fil-a's president Dan Cathy.  The boycott is opposing anti-gay groups.  Think about it for a minute.  Chick-fil-a makes multi-million dollar donations to anti-gay groups.  How does Chick-fil-a get the money for such donations?  Through patrons' money used to buy their product.    I personally find it merely responsible to know just who/ what your are supporting with your money (both directly and indirectly).
Pretend for a moment that rather than donating millions of dollars to anti-gay groups that Chick-fil-a was donating that money to groups that supported or even funded abortion clinics.  How fast do you think all the boycott nay-sayers would become complete anti-Chick-fil-a activists?  My guess is pretty quick, and understandably because abortion is something they neither support nor want to fund in any manner.  Well, lots of people don't want to fund anti-gay groups.  It's that simple.

My point is this:  whether pro- or anti- a particular boycott, there is no reason to bad mouth the people participating in the boycott.  Cut that garbage out.  Support your cause and let others support theirs.  Have you ever boycott something?

Young Men and Boy Scouts

Hubby says often times that I look for trouble, and I can see what he means.  I find myself looking ahead in our life's journey for problematic issues that may/will arise, and then I proceed to worry until I figure out a solution or how I want to handle the situation.  Speaking only for myself, I will say that acting and following through on what I believe is So. Much. Easier when I have prepared ahead of time.  Prepare what? you may ask.
Here are a few examples of what and how I prepare:

1. How far I will let someone's condescension go before I verbally correct them.  An example of this would be a car salesman referring to my husband as "Sir" and me as "Wifey."  My solution is to assume the first time is an honest mistake, and that said salesman will get the hint from my look of derision that calling me "Wifey" is completely unacceptable.  The second time, I will verbally tell him, "My name is Blythe."  And trust me, he will not call me "Wifey" again without me walking out of the door (Yes, the first two actually happened).
2. How bad the environment is before I remove my family and myself from it.  Think a baseball game- How many F-bombs do I sit through before I decide my little kid's ears need to be protected?  I don't know, I think it depends on the frequency.  I can handle a sporadic curse here and there, but a slew of f-bombs?  I'm probably going to turn around and ask them to keep it at least PG 13.  If it continues, I will leave.   
3. How different an organization's ideals can be from mine before I separate myself (and consequently my family) from it.  An example is Boy Scouts of America (BSA).  The Church's Young Men's Program is very closely linked with BSA-  My husband's family, I am very proud to say, are all Eagle Scouts.    However, their declaration that openly gay youth may not participate in the program is discrimination at its finest.  It is my knowledge, and correct me if I am wrong, that the Church has no problem with same-sex attracted individuals.  It is the acting upon such attraction (thus breaking the law of chastity) that the Church opposes.  

This really has me worried because I haven't figured out my solution to this particular problem yet.    I know many openly gay and lesbian individuals who are in good standing in the Church.  How does a Church-sponsored program (this is coming straight out of CHI 2) exclude Young Men who haven't done anything wrong?  This is not an attack-  it's a genuine question.  

I applaud the work and discipline gained through BSA.  I think it is tremendous when an Eagle Scout Award is given.  On the other hand, I believe quite wholeheartedly that discrimination of this kind is wrong.  I do not condone it, and I cannot support it.  Therefore, now I feel the need to prepare for this situation that will be a big deal in my family and church life in the future.  

Will I deny my son the opportunity to be a part of BSA?  Will this mean he loses out on socializing with other Young Men?  Will this attach a stigma to him?  Will he feel left out?  

I know for certain Hubby will be upset.  Like I previously stated, I am so proud of him for being an Eagle Scout, but wouldn't I be just as proud of him if he did the work and didn't have the title of "Eagle Scout?"  Of course I would.  I have been bouncing around the idea of having Hubby independently do Scout activities with the boys so that they have the experience without giving support to BSA.  My hope is that in ten years when my little one is preparing for Young Men that this will have completely resolved itself.  Ten years is a long time.  So much can change.  I guess that's why my husband says I look for trouble...

Acknowledging that no one is going to change my mind about supporting Scouts, how do you think I should handle it?  What is the best way to make sure that my kiddo is not a weirdo in Young Men (Well...  to the best of my ability)?  Is it a huge deal to not be at Mutual three weeks out of four?  What you do think and what is your experience?

*Turns out I'm not the only one with this issue.  Check out this Doves and Serpents blog.

Recap of the Charleston Pride Parade

Baby and I were excited to go to the Charleston Pride Parade.  The floats were pretty cool, but I loved the banners most. They included phrases like "Equal means everyone" and "Freedom can't protect itself."  One guy, named Tommy, wore a sign that I have seen go around Facebook.  It said,

"Love thy neighbor.  Love thy homeless neighbor.  Love thy Muslim neighbor.  Love thy black neighbor.  Love thy gay neighbor.  Love thy immigrant neighbor.  Love thy Jewish neighbor.  Love thy Christian neighbor.  Love thy Atheist neighbor.  Love thy disabled neighbor.  Love thy addicted neighbor."  I really enjoyed how this day was all about acceptance and love.  There was no hate in attendance.   It was also a family affair.  I was able to take a picture of Tracy and her grandchildren.  

A question that I get a lot, some in jest but many, MANY seriously, is am I trying to make my son gay? The answer is no, I am not.  However, I am trying to teach him that everyone has a responsibility to stand up for what is right.  Everyone has a responsibility to promote equality.  Also, if my son is gay, how can I wait until he tells me this to start being an activist for LGBT rights?  Wouldn't that be a bit hypocritical?  Won't he be looking at my opinions and interactions long before we had that conversation?  

Baby's favorite part was getting beads thrown to him from a float.  I think we walked over two miles celebrating.   It was a really fun event!  

Tidbits from the week

This week has been hard for me, so there is no real put together topic for this post-  it's going to be a little of this, a little of that.  I started my week seeing another feminist secret this week on the Post Secret Blog.  It served as a reminder to me that we are all hypocrites until we're perfect (which I don't really believe to be attainable in this life), so we need to cut others and ourselves some slack.    To the author of this secret:  You are not a failure-  you need help and support.  Don't we all?

I started my book review for Cinderella Ate My Daughter, by Peggy Orenstein.  Get excited for that because it was excellent book, and I have so much to say about it that it is turning into a huge project simply organizing my thoughts about it.  I feel like I am back in college writing a paper.  Anyone with a daughter-Heck, anyone with a kid or who has been a kid- I think you should read this book.  But more on that whenever I have the time to post my book review.

Last week while shopping for some kiddo stuff, I saw this little number in the infant section.  I haven't worked out the details in my mind, but I would rather my little swim naked than swim in this.  I think it has to do with naked being chalked up to her being a baby, but this swimsuit begin sexualization in infancy.  But how?  I need help identifying what it is that makes it so, but I truly believe naked would be more appropriate.  Please leave your ideas in the comments below.  Or if you feel like being more private about it, email me.

Here's another random:  I have noticed recently that it would seem I am more drawn to music from male musicians.  It's weird.  I noticed this because in trying to update my current listening enjoyment, I was trying to balance the female/ male contributions, but overwhelmingly, my musical taste leans towards male voices, with the exception of the Broadway genre.  In Broadway, I think I like female voices because then the range is good for me to rock out along with them.  I would be really interested in finding some statistics or readings on male versus female musicians.  Is this merely my taste in music or there a reason I lean towards male musicians?

While staying at my mom's over the holiday, Baby had the chance to play with both his toys and some of my childhood toys.  I have to admit, when I saw him playing with both his toy truck and my (now his) dollhouse, it warmed my heart and made me smile.  I've seen this meme going around in which a picture showing matchbox cars tucked into doll furniture is accompanied with the caption that this is what happens when you trying to disprove gender stereotypes.  To that I respond that trying to break gender stereotypes after a child has learned them is hard.  Starting from the get-go is another thing entirely.

Lastly, I have been debating whether or not to march in the Charleston Pride Parade this Saturday.  I really want to, but I'm sure there will be repercussions associated with it.  Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing?  I would really love ya'll's feedback this week!

Gender About Town

Out and about town, these are some things I found pertaining to gender.  Tell me your thoughts in the comments because you're about to read mine (I hope!).

 I took this picture because the piggy banks are clearly gender specific.  The female targeted piggies are princesses or shoe funds, whereas the male targeted piggies promote physical fun (sports).  I think it's interesting that no one would give (much) notice to one of the boy specific banks being in a girl's room, but many eyebrows would rise if a boy had a "shoe fund" or cupcake piggy. It makes me reminiscent of the Madonna song "What it Feels Like for a Girl."

"Girls can wear jeans 

and cut their hair short

wear shirts and boots

'cause it's okay to be a boy

But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading

'cause you think be a girl is degrading..."

These were some interesting finds!  I found these in the little girls section of Ross.  These are underwire (to hold up what exactly?) bras that having padding in them.  They are marketed to ten and under.  Really?  Hypersexualization of little girls much?  Someone call Peggy Orenstein.

This experience made me shake my head:  I was having a hard time finding the Women and Gender section at my local Barnes and Noble.  Usually, it is either in the Politics and Current Affairs section or right next to it.  I searched and searched.  I even asked an employee for help.

Then, I found it.

I had to chuckle (and then facepalm) when I realized that the women studies and feminist reading was not only not in the political section, it was a subsection of the Gay and Lesbian reading.  While I am pro both reading sections, one doesn't equate the other.  Thoughts?

I Get Angry (Part 2)

A part of me even hates to breach this subject because I know that some readers will immediately think to themselves, Well, this is it-  I knew it would happen. There is no such thing as a socially liberal Mormon.  If that's you, feel free to quit reading now.  I don't need your judgment.  I am not attacking the church.  I am not criticizing anyone else.  What I am doing is opening up about what I am going through.  I write this not in anger, but in sincere effort to find truth.  Truth is supposed to feel good and right, correct?  I am struggling.  Woman, oh woman, am I struggling.

I am even more cautious about posting this because of the number of responses I received yesterday.  I  am worried things will change drastically in my life if I come right out and say what I am struggling and unhappy with because, from what I have seen, Mormons view people outside of the church very differently than those inside.  Which is not to say I'm leaving.  I am working through some stuff-  Stuff that needs to be addressed in my mind.  This does not make me rebellious or a bad Christian.  In my opinion, God wants us to question so that we can learn.  Think about science-  how do we ever learn anything?  We first generate a hypothesis and then work to disprove it.  That is how we learn.

There are quite a few things that I believe in strongly:

1. Blessings-  I cannot deny that I have firsthand seen the power of blessings.  
2. Focus on families and community- and I believe in forever families.  But I believed that before I joined this church.
3. Service-  I love service.  In fact, I get a service high.   
4. Visiting Teaching*- along with service, I believe in a network of community.  I believe in looking out for one another and being responsibly to one another.  It's a beautiful doctrine of Christ's ministry.  My Visiting Teachers are amazing-  They give me love, support, and help me grow.  
5. I do believe in the Garden of Gethsemane Atonement rather than just the Crucifixion.  
6. I love unpaid clergy and callings.  Generally speaking.  
7. The Word of Wisdom has definitely provided blessings for me in my life.  

I know there are more, but off the cuff, these are ones that I love.  However, there is some straight up LDS doctrine that I do not believe.  The general patriarchal organization makes me cringe.  I hate it, and if I am to be perfectly honest, I don't believe in it.  I understand this may be hard for some Mormons to understand how I can question the "divine nature of men and women," but I think if the tables were turned, it would be a whole other story.  A friend posted these questions (Would a rational man join a church that...) when trying to explain why some women feel awkward and misplaced within this church.  I assume that I am going to get this reaction: Well, you don't fully understand the Priesthood.  Okay.  Well, according to those I've listened to most people don't.  However, you know whether you agree with what you do know, right?  I know I disagree.
I have a problem with the general downplay and secrecy of a few church matters.  You know what I was not told about as an investigator?  Emma Smith's trials.  I was never told that Emma did not approve of or even know about Joseph's extra wives (Yeah, check your church history-  if anyone can show me otherwise, I would really appreciate seeing it).  Second Endowments-  what the heck is that?  Something that is so sacred no one should even know they exist?  Why would/ does God want us to jump through so many hoops to come back to him.  And while the Family Proclamation was gone over during my investigation, I have described on this blog before that I take issue with a few points in it.  Mainly that families are to be started by a man and a woman only and the assigned gender roles.  I have also read quite a few accounts of Church discipline councils to be incredibly disappointed.

So....  where to now?  How do I proceed?  Believe it or not, I have a strong desire to believe.  Truly, I do.  I want to believe and belong, but I can't pretend I do when I don't.  But I do love so much about this church.  And of course, Hubby is very believing.  My solution, for now, is not to fake it 'til I make it, but rather to confront my feelings.  I continue to talk with God- probably more now than I ever have in my whole life.  I am continuing to attend meetings, but I am completely comfortable walking out when a lesson goes into something for which I don't stand.  I believe in loving and doing right by people.  I am still very edified by most of the lessons, and it is few and far between that a General Conference talk leaves me feeling slighted.  I will hold on to those.  I will hold on to the good I see and feel until something changes.  I pray for guidance.  I pray that if there is a right way that it will be showed to me, so until then, here I am.

We have been encouraged time and time again to find out for ourselves- to know for ourselves that this church is the one true church.  I don't know that, and I truly don't believe that anyone can fault me for it.

*Visiting Teaching is monthly visiting about 3-5 five assigned women-  it provides network and support.

Homosexuality at BYU (It Gets Better)

Thoughts?

Debunk the Funk / 2. All Feminists are Lesbians

The second myth about feminists I'd like to debunk is that we are all lesbians.  This is not the case.  There are heterosexual women who would as well like to be entitled to all the same rights and privileges as men.  That being said (or typed), lots of feminist women support lesbians' rights.

Saying that all feminists are lesbians is damaging to the numbers calling themselves feminists mainly because of homophobia.  Somehow, accusing someone of being a lesbian takes away from the validity of their case.  (On a side note, when someone calls me a lesbian as an accusation or an insult, I will respond with "and what if I am?" because what business of theirs is my sexual orientation?  Also, I find that to be as much of an insult as accusing me of being a certain height-as in not at all.)

One of the arguments used to cause such a fear of homosexuality (or at least the reason that people present) is that children "need a mother and a father" (I put quotes because this is not necessarily my feeling but rather my perception of the general homophobic).  It is true that children thrive best in a home that has both instrumental (protector and provider) as well as expressive (emotional support and nurturing) role players, but the previous statement implies that the instrumental  and expressive roles must be provided by a father and a mother respectively.  Not in my house.  Between Hubby and me, I am definitely the one who would put a bullet in someone for threatening my family with no questions asked.  Hubby is so much better at getting baby down for bed.  The point is, the roles are filled.  Now, it seems to me that our gender has little to do with it.  If two women want to be the ones to provide those roles for their children, I say go for it.  That's all I'll say for now.  Traditional gender roles and the cost of that delightful scenario deserves a post in and of itself.

This is actually pro-men as well.  Women have already proved that we can be successful in the provider role, and though we're not quite there yet, the workplace is more equal than it has ever been.  But what about men?  Why do we hold them in such low esteem that we believe they cannot nurture as well as a woman?  That is NOT my experience.  It is my experience that as is with much else, it varies from person to person.  But, again,  that is for another post.

To wrap it up, I am married with a child, so not all feminists are lesbians. So.  There you go.