Why I Can't Retire My Feminism

I'll be honest, I thought I was finished with the blog. I left the door open again and again but I don't think I ever really thought I would come back to it. I got weary of explaining why we are in fact still desperately in need of feminism just to have accusations fly that I look for trouble or enjoy being different or radical.  It's exhausting.  It is easier to raise children in every day life to appreciate equality than to put oneself out there for all opinions to find.

However.

Friends, my heart is heavy. No, I am not going to discuss the election. That friends, would serve no purpose right now.  All I can hope is that we are all doing our best and leave it right there.  No, friends, my heart is heavy at the sexist (and racist) pride that has been unearthed this election cycle. It does not surprise me that there is a sexist man running for president. What shocks me is how much this experience has normalized sexism. Explanations that confessing to a sexual assault can be chalked up to "locker room talk" ...   I'm truly speechless. To further understand why "locker room talk" is 100% unacceptable, check out another post from 2014, On Virtue and Sexual Harrassment.

Today, I want to shut down my internet.  I am overloaded with microagressions to full-out, head exploding sexism and, believe you me, everything in between.  It hurts my head.

Dear Google and Facebook (and anyone else listening in),

1.  I do not care what men think about me based on how much makeup I am wearing.

If you are wearing this dress,
we need to become friends
immediately.

2.  I do not care how many men want to date me based on the fact that I don't eat animals.
3.  I do not care if another gal is wearing leggings that show her "bum-bum."  Frankly, I don't care what other gals are wearing at all.  Unless it is this dress ---------->
4.  Please stop telling me that if I, as a mother, am not spending enough time with my kids, I will become a regretful, sad old woman, but if I spend too much time with my children I will create monsters who are incapable of fitting in with society.  Being a female parent does not give me superhuman abilities to wade through this BS without becoming incredibly anxious.*
5.  Please stop advertising weight loss products to me. Seriously.  Health and weight loss, while sometimes coinciding are not the same thing.

I could go on. My point, however, can be made in just one more thought.

Trump did not create this sexism-filled environment; he is merely the product of it who somehow got a hold of a megaphone.


*On a side note, there is no perfect parenting. There is good and bad to come out of even the best methods, so I support you doing what works for you.  

What Do You Want???

Five little speckled frogs, 

Sitting on a speckled log,

Eating the most delicious bugs- Yum! Yum!

One jumped into the pool

Where it was nice and cool.

Now there are four speckled frogs- Glub, glub.

For reasons including the picture and song above, I do not get around to posting as often as I used to or as often as I would like.  However, rest assured, I am still here and still have opinions!  

While watching and reading over some news a couple weeks ago, I started to think on the far reaching arms of the government.  It seems (at least to me;  hold your throwing tomatoes until the end) that the government is very involved in much of our lives.  I can't even keep up with all the ways the federal and state government seem to pop up in everything.  Then I started to think and wonder: what are the actual responsibilities of the government?  What is legit for the government to oversee and which affairs are ours to run as individuals?  More importantly to my views and opinions as far as politics and government go, what do I expect from my government (or rephrased, what, in my opinion, should the government of the United States of America be responsible for doing)?  

It was a hard question because it seems like everything that came to my mind was accompanied by uncertainty that it truly belonged in the governments hands.  So, I widened my polling from me to pretty much everyone with who I came in contact.  I got several similar answers:

1. The top response I received was protection or a military.  That makes sense.  
2. The second most common answer was to talk about reforming some piece of what we already have, for example how a bill gets passed.  While it made for some interesting conversation, it had little to do with what the responsibilities of the government actually should be/are.
3. The third most common answer was a lack of one, be it because of little interest, time constraints, or confusion.

Here's my conclusion:  It seems these days that we are all a little grumpy with the government.  We'd all like to imagine we'd do a better job and make it to dinner on time each night.  However, how can we do it better make a difference in our government if we are uncertain of our own expectations for it?  I think we could all benefit a bit from thinking about our expectations in concise points.  Here are five I have been working on:

1. Protection (both foreign and domestic)
2. Banks/ Money printing
3. Education (as a springboard more than a militant governance)  
4. Emergency aid for disasters
5. Creating and maintaining roads

Now, these are only five;  I'm sure there are important ones I've not taken into consideration.  This list does serve as a starting ground for my wants.  It has also helped me to realize for what I actually don't think the government should be responsible.  

What do think?  What do you want of your government?

Making Way For Younger Leaders?

Nancy Pelosi answers pretty pointedly and with class when asked if she would step aside for younger leadership.  All those women behind her?  60 female representatives in the House.  Rock on.  

An Argument for Sex Ed

I am through with election thoughts.  What's happened has happened, and I do not want to dwell on the outcome of the election.  So, let's talk about other controversy, shall we?  

I've mentioned before that I am 100% all about comprehensive sex education in schools.  I have been rebutted with "But what about my values?"  "I don't want my kid learning that in school."  "That's against my religious beliefs."  And so forth and so on.  

Easy solution:  then write a note that gets your kids out of that class.  It's that simple.  I hold the belief that harming animals, even in the name of science, is not okay.  The day in seventh grade when the class dissected frogs, do you know what I did?  I wrote a paper on frog anatomy without ever touching a knife.  I hear that it's a parents job, responsibility, and right to teach their children about their own personal plumbing and that of the opposite sex, birth control, and intercourse.  That's great, but many parents don't.  If you want to teach your kids, by all means, but why limit those who need it?  

Here are some quotes to illustrate why I think we need comprehensive, age appropriate sex education in schools.  

"If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down."

~Todd Akin

Do we even need to discuss this one?  Hopefully, everyone in America now knows that the female body doesn't have ways of shutting it down.  In fact, 20,000 rape victims in a year couldn't manage to shut that down.  

(In reference to statutory rape leading to pregnancy) "I just haven’t heard of that being a circumstance that’s been brought to me in any personal way and I’d be open to hearing discussion about that subject matter."

~Steve King

Now he says he's open to discussion on this (Which kudos to him), but if Mr. King had a simple sex ed class he would know that sex can make a baby regardless of the female being underage or even related to the rapist.  

"There is no such exception as life of the mother, and as far as health of the mother, same thing, with advances in science and technology."

~Joe Walsh

Oh, Mr. Walsh, I assure you, many women die from complications with pregnancy, and there is just nothing that medical science can do about it.  So, while I respect your opinion about abortion which is yours to have, your information to back that up is simply incorrect.  

"If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual [gay] sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything…That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be."

~Rick Santorum

Clearly Mr. Santorum missed more than a sex ed class if he thinks sex with a dog (that phrase is probably going to generate some interesting internet traffic....) is the same thing as sex with another human being.  Two consenting adults is simply not the same thing as the list he tries to equate it with.

It would be easier to swallow if these were not extremely educated and successful men.  But they are on both accounts.  Clearly these men were not taught comprehensive or accurate information.  Clearly they could benefit from a lesson or two.  The other thing that stands out to me is that every  person in opposition of comprehensive sex education is Pro-life.  Do you know what would cut abortions way, way down?  Knowledge and access to birth control.  Fewer unwanted pregnancies = fewer abortions.  Values need to be taught at home.  If you send your kid to school, then they should be given an accurate education.  They can then apply their values to the knowledge.  

I'll close with an example:  

1. Allen learns the Law of Chastity from his parents.  Meanwhile Lisa lives in a house where sex is not a topic of discussion ever.  Amber's parents taught her sex education themselves when they felt she was mature enough.
2. Allen and Lisa go to school and learn that a condom will prevent pregnancy when used properly during intercourse.  Amber's parents wrote a note to excuse her to the library during this portion of the class.  
3. Allen remembers the values his parents have taught him and decides to store that information for when he is planning his family with his wife.  Lisa uses a condom when having sex but does not get pregnant or an STD.  Amber still only has the knowledge her parents wanted her to have.
4. Winning situation.

Family Friendly Workplace Benefits Everyone

One of the arguments I hear often that does not support equal pay regardless of gender is that women are more likely to stay home with sick children, take maternity leave, work fewer hours, and not be as present because of their care taking duties.  First of all, putting that blanket scenario on all women is discrimination.  Second of all, men should be stepping up to be caretakers, too. Third, this is described as a choice, though if you're coming from many Christian backgrounds or traditional United Statian* families, it may not seem like such a choice.  In fact, in the scientific study of the life course, being a caretaker (whether for children, aging parents, and other unexpected circumstances) has several stages.  I would argue that being a caretaker is a choice just as everything in life is a choice.  Another choice to make is whether or not to wear the same underwear for a week straight.  There are consequences, but hey, it's a choice, right?

Anyway, that's not what I am here to write about (Anyone else hearing Alice's Restaurant in their head?  "And we was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but that's not what I came to tell you about.  Came to talk about the draft."  If you don't get the reference, go Youtube Alice's Restaurant right now by clicking here.).

I came to write about making the workplace more family friendly.  Here are four suggestions of ways our workforce could become more family friendly:

1. Paid Maternity AND Paternity Leave:  This is so important so that Dad can bond with the newborn, but also logistically at home, particularly if there is more than one child in the house.  Caring for a newborn and other children after a Cesarean Section is even harder.  It is really necessary to have help, and shouldn't that help be from Dad?  It also allows fewer unfamiliar germs into the house.  I know one thing I obsessed over when Baby was first born was Hubby washing, washing, and scrubbing his hands when he came home from work.  This paid leave should also be guilt free.  No pressure from higher ups about this being inconvenient.  
2. Childcare Provided:  Not all employees would use it because of Stay At Home Parents (SAHP), a preference of a different childcare system, or the other parent using the childcare at their work facility.  This would allow both parents to work (I know this is not an LDS principle, but many families really need both parents in the workforce), while keeping the children nearby.  If the company is too small to arrange an actual child center of their own, they could provide other options with another facility.  It could be worked out.  I really believe this would solve so many of our poverty issues.  An added bonus is job creation.  
3. A Nursing Mother's Room:  it doesn't have to be over the top luxurious, but something private and quiet where a mother can pump every four hours.  This will cut down on leave taken to care for a sick baby because breastfed babies are sick way less often than their formula fed counterparts.  Breastfeeding also significantly reduces the risk of breast cancer, so that means fewer medical bills and less time away from work.
4. Adjustable Hours:  A work day could be from 7:00 AM until 9:00 PM, and workers could do whatever eight hour shift worked best for them and their family.  That could even include taking a six hour break somewhere in the middle if she or he preferred it.  That means less time taken away from work by appointments that can only be done during the day.  It means many more parents would be able to help out with schools.  

It is my belief that if we create a more family-friendly work environment, it would be easier to get back to those good old family centered values we're always hearing about while also creating equality and opportunity in the workforce.  Can you think of more ways to make the workplace more family friendly?


*Did you know in Central and South American they call people from the USA "United Statians" because they consider themselves to be Americans as well?  I think that's awesome.  

Division in the Ranks

Lately, particularly with the upcoming election, all I see is division.  Division between parties, division in parties, division in communities.  The two that hurt me most are division in church and division in feminist communities.  And while I expected it at church, I don't find a speech about why we currently need to go to war on Israel's behalf to be relevant to the scriptures.  There's probably a reason the First Presidency has asked us to keep politics out of our meetings.

At any rate, before all the election hullabaloo, I would see discussion of ideas.  It's human nature (Every time I use that phrase I start singing,  Why, why?  Tell 'em that it's human nature...) to disagree.  Who can say that her beliefs are 100% congruent with someone else she knows?  Certainly not me.   When my sister came to town (Look out for the post "When Sister Comes to Town"), we had many discussions, and we surely do not agree on everything.  However, the discussions gave us opportunities to learn about where we each stood and possibly gain new insight.  Possibly my favorite Humans of New York posting of all time is this one in which a girl is advised to read books by people who disagree with her.  Well, my recommendation is similar.  Talk to people to who disagree with you, and while you're talking, listen, too.  Even if your opinions don't change, you will learn so much.

As a feminist, I have gone through different phases-  just look through this blog.  In two years of writing, my feminism has morphed drastically.  I actually read posts I have written and consider taking them down because they are no longer an accurate depiction of what I believe.  I don't mostly because I find it uniquely interesting to read my progression thus far.

More to the point, there was a time I believed make up was a sign of submission and shaving your legs was selling yourself out (I can still argue this point, I just don't buy into it anymore).  I feel like (some) feminists have this ideal feminist in their minds that if you, as a woman, are not trying to be, well then you are not part of the feminist club.  Instead of discussing, I feel like there is a feminist dictating what I should be as a feminist, and really how is that any better than a men calling the shots?

I still feel feminist shame that I am pro-Life (any discussion related to this should be done privately because I refuse to be ganged up on when discussing this).  I painted my nails the other day and thought, Ooh, my feminism is getting rusty.   But it's not.  Somehow, I have to reconcile that being society prescribed feminine does not mean I am not a good feminist. In the words of Jessica Valenti, "It's all about the consciousness of your decisions."

The more we qualify what a feminist must be and tear one another down, the more we will those dreaded words: I am not a feminist, but...

And those are not the words by which I want the Third Wave to end.

The Language of Debate

I saw this meme posted on Facebook a few days ago and it made me angry and hurt.  

STOP:  This post is not in any way, shape, or form to argue about the money aspect of this issue.  This post is NOT about to talk about whether birth control should be free or not.  

The part about this meme that gets to me is the "or" part: "Or you're a party favor."

I agree that this is a topic worth discussing.  People have strong, contrasting, and albeit, valid arguments on both sides of table.  However, people need to construct arguments that are based on the issue rather than name calling.

These are the type of comments that were left on this Facebook meme (yes, I realize I left their full names out there.  Facebook is a public place, so I don't feel bad associating their names with their opinions on the internet).

Nancy Landeros Get your johns to pay for this service. I dont hear prostitutes asking for us to pay for their party toys

Caro Verdugo as a typical dem, she is way too unattractive for anyone to spend money on her

Charles Nungester A busy hooker wouldn't need that much

Ryan Davis Sandra, contraceptives won't fix being ugly ya know?

Candy L. Wiersema Actually, Rush was wrong on this one. A slut does anyone for free, a whore wants to get paid. So, I submit, she's a whore

You can see a full list of the comments here as there are too many to list and some that are simply too vulgar.

The flip side of this is that men in political debates are seldom (I know it happens, but far less than to women) attacked like this.  If a man makes a statement with which people disagree, no one says, "Yeah?  Well he's ugly!"  or "He's a -insert male version of whore here."  News flash:  a person's looks and sexual activity are irrelevant in an argument.  Perhaps a focus on the issue at hand would be more useful.

Oh wait, there is no male version of the word whore.  You may be thinking about the word "gigolo," so let me ask you, when was the last time you heard someone actually use that word as an insult?  Let's play a game.  Make a list of all the insults you can call a woman.  I'll keep it clean  on here because this is, after all, read by lots of LDS members- and my in-laws who are probably horrified already at the language I have allowed on this blog (Sorry, ya'll).   Now make a list of insults you can call a man.  Compare and contrast.

Chances are you have a ton more of the female list.  Chances are the majority on the list for men challenge their sexuality by suggesting some kind of female quality to them. I have written them out several times here, but I can't bring myself to actually publish them.  If you have questions privately, feel free to email me.

But let's go back to the insults about Sandra Fluke.  These are not teenagers making these comments, spewing these names.  These are grown adults-  shouldn't they know better how to make an intelligent and concise argument?  One would think, but evidence shows otherwise.  It makes me think of a playground situation where two kids are fighting about the ownership of a toy, when one of them stands up and says, "Well, you're ugly!"
Grow up and cut that garbage out.  It didn't solve anything then, and it doesn't solve anything now.

What is Rape?

I think it goes without saying how I feel about Todd Akin and his remarks on rape and pregnancy.  However, if it doesn't, he's a total moron-  He should be given a class in sexual reproduction and rape awareness.  Clearly if a man of Todd Akin's age and status is so confused about the female reproductive system, comprehensive sex education should be in schools.  That is that.  Regardless of my personal beliefs, I don't get in to uproars about abortion issues because, call me naive, but I do not foresee access to abortion being overturned any time soon.  I just don't.  So why even bring it up then?  Because the tangential issue being discussed here is rape.  And I have VERY large and outspoken opinions about rape.

It seems to be a trend among republican candidates to define (or redefine*, as the case may be) rape as the gruesome, at knife point, stranger rape event that one usually sees on Law and Order SVU.  They show (cough.feign.cough) sympathy for the victims of such occurrences (usually termed "forcible rape").  When Todd Akin referred to this type of rape as "legitimate rape," he implied that any rape not fitting that particular description is not actually rape, this not deserving of the sympathy.  People are blithely unaware of what rape actually is and how often it occurs. According to Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network (RAINN):

Rape is forced sexual intercourse including vaginal, anal, or oral penetration.   Penetration may be by a  body part or an object.

 Therefore, I made a list I believe everyone should read and know.  I encourage you to put your additions to the lists in the comments- for this specific sensitive topic I will allow anonymous comments so long as they are pertinent and not hostile.

Is it Rape (Yes, I realize the set up of this list is rather redundant, but for the sake of clarity, deal with it)?

1. If one party is not old enough to consent (this varies by state), it is rape.
2. If one party does not have the capacity to consent, it is rape.  Being without the capacity to consent includes but is not limited to:
• being drunk
• being intoxicated by drugs (prescribed or not)
• being asleep
• having a disability that interferes with mental capacity
3. If one party says no before the act, it is rape.
4. If one party says no or stop during the act and the act continues, it is rape.  
5. If one of the previous conditions has occurred but the victim is married to the assailant, it is rape.  
6. If one of the previous conditions has occurred but the victim is not female, it is rape.
7. If one of the previous conditions has occurred but the assailant is not male, it is rape.  
8. If one of the previous conditions has occured but the victim knows the assaulting person, it is STILL rape.  

Again, please feel free to list your own, "what is rape" statements in the comments.  The next installment will be more focused on the statistics of who is being sexually assaulted, who is doing the sexual assaulting, and the effects.  Stay tuned.

*I've heard of bills to redefine rape being introduced.  By men.  Seriously?  It boggles my mind that men feel so entitled to make decisions and create definitions surrounding issues in which the affected population is largely female.  I saw this quote by President Obama earlier this week:  "We shouldn't have a bunch of politicians, a majority of whom are men, making healthcare decisions on behalf of women."  

Because he could do it for anyone....

..but then again, maybe I would have anyway.

8 rights for which feminists fight

When I wrote my prior article, Gender and Politics, I was asked by many exactly what rights feminists are seeking.  Yes, many refuted the wage gap, and one even sarcastically referred to his handy copy of the US Constitution.  Well, my dears, sit back and enjoy because sometimes what is more important are the things that go unmentioned.  This is a list I have compiled of some of the rights for which feminists fight. 

1.  The right for females to have any job males can have (including in the military- yay women on submarines!).

2.  The right to not be sexually harassed at the place of employment (because while this is not exclusively done to females, the VAST majority of sexually based harassment is done to a female).

3.  The right to not be a victim of domestic violence.  Did you know in the state of South Carolina that in the same year that cock fighting became a felony, a bill to make domestic violence a felony was as well on the table and it didn't pass?  And again, I know this is not only a female problem, but 95% of domestic violence is against women.  Feel free to research this topic in Full Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti. 

4.  The right to informed decisions about birth control (this is an issue for both men and women).  Also, on that note, many women are fighting to keep their pro-choice option as this seems to be constantly on the table for question.  Worth mentioning is that I am actually pro life, and while most feminists would denounce me as a true feminist, many would not.  There are many breeds of feminism. 

5.  The right to not be put on certain tracks in school due to age, sex, race, ethnicity, etc.  Tracking women in specific classes (avoiding STEM subjects) creates job segregation.  Jobs that are comprised of mainly women are generally paid less.  Feel free to take a closer look at this in Understanding Race, Class, Gender, and Sexuality: A Conceptual Framework by Lyn Weber.

6.  The right to not be devalued with age.  While ageism is real for both men and women later in life, it begins VERY early for women.  Women are constantly infantilized because younger and more innocent is better.  Take one look at any magazine and advertisement, and I think you'll see what I mean. 

7.  The right to not be stigmatized for being pregnant and unwed.  Men don't have that problem and neither should women.  Being pregnant and single should not keep a woman from any government job- because men aren't asked about their kids and spousal relationships prior to employment.

8.  The right to not be revictimized for being raped.  One will often here that she was asking for it by her manner of dress, the neighborhood she was in, the late hour she was out, or the mental state she was in.   I call BS (for all you LDS out there, I mean Bologna Sandwich :).  If someone says no the answer is no regardless of ANY other conditions of the event.  The conviction rate of rape is in the single digits (~6%)-  please check out this and other rape statistics here.

Gender and Politics (as promised)

After posting this on a primarily conservative website, I have come to realize I am not as thick-skinned as I would have like to think.  Here is a more cited version.  Also, I need a break from writing after fighting that political uphill battle.   Hopefully a sabbatical and some much needed reading of other feminists will bring me back rejuvenated and in full force. 

Gender and Politics

For some it’s abortion. For others, it’s taxes. For others still, it’s same-sex marriage.

Here’s the thing- Everyone has an issue.

My issue? Women’s Rights.

I support this by participating in multiple forms of activism and…
By not voting people into office that hate me.

For example, in a local election, Senator Jim DeMint ran against Candidate Alvin Greene. DeMint’s credentials far exceeded Greene’s, however DeMint had been cited several times with sexist commentary. Retracting statements after discussing it with your campaign manager is too little too late. Guess who got my support? That’s right, the guy with no experience and no credentials.

I know there are many other issues out there to be dealt with and that this nation is in peril, but I can’t vote for someone who does not see me as an equal due to my race, religion, or sex. It’s a deal breaker. I am not a big President Obama fan for many reasons and believe that our country needs a new leader. Being a non-platform voter, all options are on the table, so I dug in to the republican front runners for the upcoming primary. First things first, I compare their views on women.
From my research, Candidate Romney is said to be “evolving” in his tolerance of women. What does that mean? It says he’s not there yet and needs to be told that women are through being merely tolerated. We are equals.

Gingrich wants to inject religion back into schools. As far as women’s interests go, religion is almost always a stumbling block as most religions are patriarchal. This may be suitable in your religious establishment, but it has no place in running a country where over half of the population is female. Patriarchy holds women back by teaching that women should always be in the role of support. This country already runs on the patriarchal model- why should we exacerbate this by pumping religion into the mix.

Romney, Candidate Paul, and Candidate Gingrich have spoken out against Planned Parenthood, claiming that abortions should not be supported with taxpayer dollars. Planned Parenthood is not all about handing out abortions, in fact just the opposite could be said. They are pro-avoiding abortions with options like birth control. In point of fact, on the Planed Parenthood website it states that it is an educator to the community of responsible human sexuality.

Paul's desire to sign a Ban on Planned Parenthood isn’t the biggest feminist beef. Paul states on his campaign website outright that he doesn’t believe in equal pay for equal jobs. I say let’s give all women a forty percent raise and men and thirty percent demotion and see how fired up about equal pay we can get. While this sounds very 1950s, the truth of the matter is when comparing full time working women with full time working men the wage gap is very real.

Candidate Bachmann is avoiding the subject all together. I've tried to find her stance on anything gender related, but have come up empty-handed. When I first began volunteering as a court advocate, I wore pants and always had my hair pulled back to be as “business-like” as possible so I would be more easily taken seriously. It turns out that what I considered “business-like” and “serious” was also what I considered to be less feminine and more masculine. I have to wonder if that is Bachmann’s approach here. Is she just ignoring women’s issues because that will take away from the seriousness of her campaign? If so, that seems pretty bogus. Women have been ignored with our many WASP males in office, they don’t need to be ignored with a woman in office.

And a big thank you to Herman Cain for suspending his candidacy. "Allegations” are when it can’t be proven that you sexually harassed two women who won’t actually speak out about it. Guilty is when four women come forward and a thirteen year mistress.

Back to President Obama. He seems to care more than any other present candidate about “Women’s Issues” ( I use quotes because I think of them as regular issues because they affect over half of the population). I particularly like the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act (Equal pay for equal jobs), the Affordable Care Act (insurance companies cannot discriminate against women), and his involvement in to increase women in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math) subjects.

It goes back to everyone having their issues; one particular hurtle that a representative, whether in White House or other office, has to clear to get support, with all other hurtles being secondary. As a woman, I won't stand to simply be tolerated by male leaders, ignored by female leaders or tracked into a low ceiling, supporting role by an outdated traditionalist system. What I need- what women need- is a true advocate. 

Thoughts on Abstinence-Only Education

My disclaimer is that I know that my ideas are controversial.

I respectfully say this: Get. Over. It.  

Abstinence Only education is a big thing down here in the south.  The big argument I have heard is "How can you teach kids not to have sex while handing them a condom?"  I have also heard arguments that say schools don't have the time and funding to teach sex education.  Again, cut that garbage out.

Here is my stance:  I think family values are a great thing.  I support not having sex until you are married.  Yay being chaste.  However, family values are just that:  values within a particular family.  NOT society.  Not everyone has the ideal family where sex can be discussed safely.  My aunt is a school nurse, and the other day we had a laugh riot discussing the names given to different sex organs by parents of children.   

All joking aside, it is incredibly important for children starting at a young age to learn the proper names of their anatomy.  Child molestation is real, okay?  I understand you don't want your four-year-old to understand exactly how your marriage bed works, but she needs to be able to tell you exactly how she might have been innappropriately touched. 

I have heard the idea that "If my child needs to know it, I'll teach it."  Well, guess what.  Not all parents will.

In one article I read recently, four types of sex education were described:

1.  No mention of abstinence

2.  Including abstinence in a comprehensive education

3.  Promoting abstinence as the best option

4.  Abstinence until marriage as the only option

You may want to cover your eyes and put your fingers in your ears for what I have to say next.

People (teenagers included) who want to have sex are going to find a way to have sex unless they are taught different values at home.  That is a fact.  I think of sex education as harm reduction.  If you are unfamiliar with the idea of harm reduction, check it out here.

To deny teenagers sex education about how to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancies is a lot like not teaching someone how to properly use an oven and then getting angry because they got burned. 

Education does not mean that teenagers must go have sex.  In my Organic Chemistry class I learned how to make some deadly compounds, but I haven't set up a lab in my kitchen. 

Often times the same people I hear ranting about not having a comprehensive sex education in schools are usually the same ones ranting about how they don't want to pay for other people's children with welfare.  My solution?  Give them a condom and teach them how to use it.  

Statistics very clearly show that Abstinence-Only education produces the highest percentage of unwanted teen pregnancies.  Wow.  Surprised? 

The lowest percentage of unwanted teen pregnancies are through the education that promotes abstinence as the best option, but not the only option.

I think the disconnect we face is that many people have no tolerance for others who believe differently from themselves.  We must accept that different families have different values.  Maybe chastity is one family's biggest belief.  Maybe not doing heroin is another family's biggest belief. 

Take home message:  Your children are not the only ones who need an education.  All children need a proper education of how their bodies work.  We need to make that available in public schools because we cannot assume it is being taught in private homes.