Something Good from Macklemore

"Whatever God you believe in, we come from the same one."

Our Perfect Parent

I think this is what Attachment Parenting is all about.  And also, I think it is right in line with the LDS train of thought.  In our faith, we believe that in the premortal life we all lived together as brothers and sisters.  We were all on equal footing when we dwelt with God.  We have been sent to Earth at different times, but we were all the same with God.  In this life, our job as parents is to be our children's teachers and protectors.  Our job is not to be our children's tyrant.  We are supposed to consider our children on loan from God, who has trusted us to teach our friends from before how to live in this life.  How much would your interaction change if you knew these were God's children and he was watching to see how you cared for his children?  How much does your correction vary when your friends mess up and when your children mess up?  Children may need more correction over shorter periods of time, but that's what we, as parents, have signed up for.

There are three main parenting styles commonly used in two parent households.  There are others in single parent homes, but that's more specific than this post goes.   I'd like to talk about:

1. Authoritarian-  This parenting style is the "Because I said so" champion.  These households are very demanding.  Often full obedience is enforced by forceful measures.  The focus is on control for the time being rather than preparing the child to become more and more autonomous as she enters society.  (You can't have the car on Saturday because I said so.)*
2. Authoritative-  This style is also very demanding, but there is a high amount of parental support as well.  While the parent has the final say, the child's thoughts, feelings, and opinions are involved in the decision making process.  This is a flexible home.  Harsh punishments are not a part of authoritative parenting.  (You can borrow the car after you've picked up your sister from soccer practice.)*
3. Nondirective (or permissive)-  These are the parents who are very loving but set no boundaries.  It is low in expectation.  These are the children who are running a muck in the supermarket or throwing food across the restaurant.  They are the ones that make onlookers put of their hats of judgment. (You can borrow the car whenever you like)*

This sounds very cut and dry, but it's not.  These parenting styles overlap, meaning that most households are somewhere on the continuum.  Let's step back over to God's parenting style for a moment.  He has given us the ability to choose for ourselves.  He does not force us to do anything. He has, however, given us rules to help us learn to make good choices for ourselves.  He is not a permissive Father;  your actions have consequences.  If you get drunk and get behind the wheel, God may forgive you, but you will still face the consequential accident or lives lost as a result.  It sounds to me like Heaven Father is an authoritative parent, which makes sense because it produces that most well-adjusted, successful children, sociologically speaking.

So.  What's my point?  Be nice to your kid.  Raise them in  a way that helps them make good decisions (note that good decisions are different from doing everything the way you do) as an autonomous adult.  Don't treat them like something you own.  Be a teacher, not a tyrant.  And if you don't like children, don't have them.

I think I am about to lose all of my LDS readers with that last sentence, but hear me out (Er...read me out?).  I respect the whole multiply and replenish the earth commandment, but there are exceptions.  Someone who is not mentally or emotionally competent should not have children.  Many people argue that if you can't afford them, you shouldn't have them.  Many argue that if you're not married, you shouldn't have them.  I propose that wanting children should be a prerequisite to multiplying and replenishing the Earth.  Children are not trophies to line your pew on Sunday morning.  They are little human beings who have as many feelings as you do.  I think when one raises children, she should realize that she is going to learn as much as she is going to teach and, in many cases, more.  However, the patience, understanding, empathy, and responsibility one is able to learn as a parent  doesn't just happen.  I know I surely have not been graced with an easy lesson of any of these qualities.  One has to strive for them.  A parent has to actively try to be patient, understanding, empathetic, and responsible.  It is a conscious choice.

So choose it.  No one is expecting perfection (Okay, maybe the people wearing hats of judgment, but who cares about them anyway?), but make the choice to try.  Perhaps we should try just as hard to make ourselves better parents everyday as we do to make our children better sons and daughters everyday.

And just as a fun fact, nondirective parenting is considered a better option by sociologists and parenting specialists than authoritarian.  

*Taken from Nijole V Benokraitis' Marriages and Families.  

Back Pocket and Some Fun Music

I have been hoarding cool memes and quotes that I like for a while, so this is going to be my meme dump.  Interestingly, you should check out what the term "meme" meant before internet pictures with smart alec words scrolled across it.  Yeah, check our meme theory.

I love this quote because I honestly do see it becoming more and more acceptable for girls and women to be who they are.  Women and girls are rocking solid in their progression towards social equality, but men and boys are constantly ridiculed against activities that may be seen in any way as feminine.  Being a man in today's society is less about what you are and more about what you aren't:  Female.  I am still waiting for someone (ANYONE) to tell me some qualities they find to me innately feminine that aren't physiological.  I am looking purely for behavior and feelings having to do with their femaleness.

After sitting through most of the Super Bowl commercials and all of the halftime show, I do understand why it is such a big deal to nurse in public.  Clearly we have some wires crossed. I show less cleavage when nursing and many a weekday sitcom in normal clothing, particularly when I am out and about and being discreet.






And now, some good music to leave this post feeling happy.  : )

Weird Connotation

The Difference Between God's Sons and Daughters

This was shown to me by my friend, Miri- check her out at her blog here. 

Before reading the rest of this post, compare the two for yourself.  What are your impressions?  

Let's examine the differences.

1. "Unlimited" vs "Amazing" potential:  "Amazing" is, well, amazing.  It's a great word and description- inspiring even.  However, it's not "unlimited."  This a great example of why it is hard to see inequalities sometimes.  Sexism is not an isolated incidence.   It is not this one thing this one time at this one place.  Sexism is a mentality, it's a force, it's an ideology.  It cannot, therefore, be viewed without the three-dimensional lens of comparison.  
2. "Amazing" vs  "Beautiful":  Argue if you will, but beautiful in my opinion is a much more passive word.  Upon looking "beautiful" up in the dictionary, the only definition I found that doesn't refer to appearances is this:  very pleasing or satisfying.  That definition insinuates that "beautiful" is determined by an external source, or in other words, someone outside of this girl has to decide that she is beautiful.  Descriptions like pleasing and satisfying cannot be attained without another person to which one can be pleasing and satisfying.  Being beautiful is passive and dependent.  Not that beautiful is a bad thing in and of itself, but when compared with "I am amazing," beautiful, it seems, is pretty flimsy.

What are your thoughts on the two?

Quote of the day (Not inspiring)

"They're both equal.  Neither one of them's the wife."  ~Modern Family debating who's the woman in Cam and Mitch's relationship.  

**Face palm**  Ugh.  

Quote of the Day

"There is no honorable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy."

I found this quote in an old journal of mine.  I don't know where I got it from, but I still love it.  I promise I will get back to writing my own posts of substance in a while, but for now, real life takes precedent.  Thanks for understanding. Love always.  

Positive Feminist Quotes

I've been feeling a bit critical lately.  I think my personal struggle with political beliefs mixed in with the turmoil of religious culture and society has got me a cynical and down right pessimistic.  So.  Today's adventure is going to be all about positive feminism.  I will not pretend this is a well though out post that I have been saving for a week-  it's more just something to enjoy.  And enjoy I hope you do.

"Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels."  ~Faith Whittlesey

"The thing women have yet to learn is that nobody gives you power.  You just take it."  ~Roseanne Barr

"Feminism has fought no wars.  It has killed no opponents.  It has set up no concentration camps, starved no enemies, practiced no cruelties.  Its battles have been for education, for the vote, for better working conditions.....for safety on the streets....for child care, for social welfare...for rape crisis centers, women's refuges, reform in the law.  (If someone says) 'Oh, I'm not a feminist,' (I ask) "Why?  What's your problem?'" ~Dale Spende

"I see my body as an instrument rather than an ornament."  ~Alanis Morrisette

"I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want.  If that makes me a b****, okay."  ~Madonna Ciccone

"You don't have to be anti-man to be pro-woman."  ~Jane Galvin Lewis

"Women are not inherently passive or peaceful.  We're not inherently anything but human."  Robin Morgan

"Every time we liberate a woman, we liberate a man."  ~Margaret Mead

"I am beautiful as I am.  I am the shape that was gifted.  My breasts are no longer perky and upright like when I was a teenager.  My hips are wider than that of a fashion model's.  For this I am glad, for these are the signs of a life lived." ~Cindy Olsen

Quote of the day (Not inspiring)

"The villain is, predictably, anyone who criticizes Sandra Fluke. But keep in mind that Fluke is no innocent bystander; she’s a feminine activist."  ~Anthony Hager, Political Derby

Mr. Hager, 

1. I think what you mean is feminist activist.  Or women's rights activist.  Feminine activist gives me the mental picture that she tied bows to her protest sign.  
2. Being an activist doesn't INVITE attacks.  It means that person is trying to bring about change.  Should she expect resistance?  Sure, but attacks like Limbaugh's?  Not so much.  

Quote of the day (1)

"It's about the consciousness behind your decisions."
-Jessica Valenti

Do what you want as long as it's intentional and your decision.