Fun with Ezra (More Outdoors)

Yesterday we had the first rose of this season bloom, so we stopped to take a look at it before our walk.  Along with roses, we also have blueberries popping up and lots of basil.    We have really been loving the outdoors  this week because I know that as soon as  we get back some St. Lucia, it will be unbearable to go outside.  I love South Carolina.  

Marla keeps an eye on the stroller while we play at the park.  The walks are really good for her, too, because she gets a lot of energy out.  One step for me is about 12 for her (3x4).   

Yesterday, we had to wait until after our appointments to go to the park, which was nice because it meant that Jason met us at the park after work.  We slid down the slide for the first time.











Ezra decided to pretend he was a toy, and he climbed into the toy basket.  It was all fun and games until he found Marla's ear cleaner there on the second shelf.  Then I had to remind him that he is a baby....  and SHOULDN'T climb.  

Swinging (Avoiding Cabin Fever)

One of the perks of having such a big baby is that as a nine month old, he can already fit in the toddler swings at our neighborhood park.  I have learned that about 2:30, our little guy gets cabin fever, so I get Marla leashed up and head out about 3:00.  We all head over to the park to walk, swing, and meet new friends.  Both babies stay pretty energetic until the last leg of the walk.  By the time we get home, Marla is ready for a nap and Ezra is already started in on one.
I have fun with our walks because it opens up new teaching opportunities.  Today we studied an inch worm because Aunt Courtney was SO excited by them (Read what she had to say here).  We also meet a lot of people because so many are drawn in by Marla.  It's a good thing she is so good with children because so many approach us.  

Music of the Week

Safe and Sound  ~Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars

Come Away to the Water  ~Maroon 5 and Rozzi Crane

"Mugging"

*For those who have seen this before, I deleted the last two lines in order to clean it up.  I don't mind a swear here and there, but with such a varied audience, I cannot in good conscience post an F bomb on the blog.  

Positive Feminist Quotes

I've been feeling a bit critical lately.  I think my personal struggle with political beliefs mixed in with the turmoil of religious culture and society has got me a cynical and down right pessimistic.  So.  Today's adventure is going to be all about positive feminism.  I will not pretend this is a well though out post that I have been saving for a week-  it's more just something to enjoy.  And enjoy I hope you do.

"Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels."  ~Faith Whittlesey

"The thing women have yet to learn is that nobody gives you power.  You just take it."  ~Roseanne Barr

"Feminism has fought no wars.  It has killed no opponents.  It has set up no concentration camps, starved no enemies, practiced no cruelties.  Its battles have been for education, for the vote, for better working conditions.....for safety on the streets....for child care, for social welfare...for rape crisis centers, women's refuges, reform in the law.  (If someone says) 'Oh, I'm not a feminist,' (I ask) "Why?  What's your problem?'" ~Dale Spende

"I see my body as an instrument rather than an ornament."  ~Alanis Morrisette

"I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want.  If that makes me a b****, okay."  ~Madonna Ciccone

"You don't have to be anti-man to be pro-woman."  ~Jane Galvin Lewis

"Women are not inherently passive or peaceful.  We're not inherently anything but human."  Robin Morgan

"Every time we liberate a woman, we liberate a man."  ~Margaret Mead

"I am beautiful as I am.  I am the shape that was gifted.  My breasts are no longer perky and upright like when I was a teenager.  My hips are wider than that of a fashion model's.  For this I am glad, for these are the signs of a life lived." ~Cindy Olsen

Music of the Week

Harvest Moon ~Neil Young

Debunk the Funk / 3. All Feminists are the Same

You might be a radical if...

This is a fun post (particularly after the comments on the the last post).  There are many, many, many, many types of feminists out there with the only solidifying factor being that we all believe equality should be more salient than sex or gender (sex being one's anatomy, gender being one's actions and identity).  There are so many types with one or two differences that there is hardly even space (or attention span) to type or read them all.  However, according to sociologists, most types of feminism fit into one of three categories:  Liberal, Radical, and Global (or multicultural).

Liberal feminism focuses on reform, both social and legal- basically a fix it attitude.
Radicals, on the other hand, more or less feel that the only way to achieve equality is to start fresh sans patriarchy as a whole.  This includes all institutions that are modeled after a patriarchy including but not limited to government, religion, and schooling.
Global focuses on the interaction of age, race, class, etc and gender.  I think this category is exemplified by an experience of Michael Kimmel (awesome, awesome, awesome sociologist and friend of feminists everywhere).

Michael Kimmel, author of
The Guy's Guide to Feminism

A white woman and a black woman were discussing whether all women were, by definition, "Sisters," because they all had essentially the same experiences and because all women faced a common oppression by men. The white woman asserted that the fact that they were both women bonded them, in spite of racial differences. The black woman disagreed.
"When you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, what do you see?" she asked.
"I see a woman," replied the white woman.
"That's precisely the problem," responded the black woman. "I see a black woman. To me, race is visible every day, because race is how I am not privileged in our culture. Race is invisible to you, because it's how you are privileged. It's why there will always be differences in our experience."


That story in and of itself shows just how diverse feminists can be simply because of other life factors.  However,  even more than these separate categories, here are some other factors that vary from feminist to feminist:

1. Pro Life or Pro Choice.  Don't be fooled- some feminists would have you believe that in order to be a TRUE feminist you must be Pro Choice, but that is simply NOT the case.
2. Some feminists believe that men and women are actually incredibly different by nature, meant for different roles in life, yet are of equal importance.
3. Some feminist are loud, noisy activists.  Some are quiet, subtle activists.  I tried subtle for a while.  Apparently not my strong suit.  
4. Some feminists are angry.  Some are hopeful.  Some are both.
5. Some feminists are conservatives, some are liberals.  
6. Some feminists are religious, some are not.
7. Some are young, some are old.
8. Some are men!
9. Some oppose gay marriage, some do not.
10. Some don't realize they are feminists.

Being a feminist has one requirement:  believing in equality regardless of gender.  Everything else is an individual quality of a particular feminist.  What makes you unique?

Spring has sprung (The AC is on)

Ezra brought me a diaper to let me know
it was time for a change

Spring has definitely sprung here in the low country.  We have already cut off the heat and switched on the air conditioner.  That means Ezra spends most of his time in nothing but a diaper.  He doesn't seem to mind :)  Our little family has had a very exciting few months.  Jason is still on days, which I love.  He is also thinking seriously about becoming qualified for a manager position.  He would never make it sound like a big deal, but it is and we are very proud of him :)  It's also pretty exciting because it means more time in SC, of which I am definitely a BIG fan.

I have been doing a bit of this and a bit of that.  I am starting to get that spring fever that makes me want to do home improvements-   bathrooms be warned!  Jason and I have decided that Ezra needs some social interaction, so I am trying to start a playgroup at our house to aid in that.  The feminist blog has really taken off lately, and I am hoping to celebrate 2,500 views this month.  It sure has come a long way from a Women and Gender Studies writing assignment.  I am also having a ball right now helping Courtney with her wedding.  Courtney, Mom, and I had the best time going dress shopping-  the dress is really beautiful.  Now the hard part- getting Ezra ready to travel with passport and such to St. Lucia.  

Quit blogging and pay attention to MEEEEEEEE!!!

One of Ezra's new favorite games includes taking EVERYthing off shelves, be it books, DVDs, or the contents of his changing table.  He gets so proud if himself.  He may look like his Daddy, but he is mischievous like his Mama.  Another of his favorite games his sneaking over the the bedroom.  You'll hear a giggle and look over to see him waiting for you.  And then he hightails it into the bedroom.   Little Stinker.  :)   

After Hurricane Ezra

Jason helping Ezra into his Justice League
of America PJs

Ezra is ready for St. Patrick's Day in
green Seer Sucker

Debunk the Funk / 2. All Feminists are Lesbians

The second myth about feminists I'd like to debunk is that we are all lesbians.  This is not the case.  There are heterosexual women who would as well like to be entitled to all the same rights and privileges as men.  That being said (or typed), lots of feminist women support lesbians' rights.

Saying that all feminists are lesbians is damaging to the numbers calling themselves feminists mainly because of homophobia.  Somehow, accusing someone of being a lesbian takes away from the validity of their case.  (On a side note, when someone calls me a lesbian as an accusation or an insult, I will respond with "and what if I am?" because what business of theirs is my sexual orientation?  Also, I find that to be as much of an insult as accusing me of being a certain height-as in not at all.)

One of the arguments used to cause such a fear of homosexuality (or at least the reason that people present) is that children "need a mother and a father" (I put quotes because this is not necessarily my feeling but rather my perception of the general homophobic).  It is true that children thrive best in a home that has both instrumental (protector and provider) as well as expressive (emotional support and nurturing) role players, but the previous statement implies that the instrumental  and expressive roles must be provided by a father and a mother respectively.  Not in my house.  Between Hubby and me, I am definitely the one who would put a bullet in someone for threatening my family with no questions asked.  Hubby is so much better at getting baby down for bed.  The point is, the roles are filled.  Now, it seems to me that our gender has little to do with it.  If two women want to be the ones to provide those roles for their children, I say go for it.  That's all I'll say for now.  Traditional gender roles and the cost of that delightful scenario deserves a post in and of itself.

This is actually pro-men as well.  Women have already proved that we can be successful in the provider role, and though we're not quite there yet, the workplace is more equal than it has ever been.  But what about men?  Why do we hold them in such low esteem that we believe they cannot nurture as well as a woman?  That is NOT my experience.  It is my experience that as is with much else, it varies from person to person.  But, again,  that is for another post.

To wrap it up, I am married with a child, so not all feminists are lesbians. So.  There you go.

Music of the Week

Tore my Heart  ~Oona

Glad You Came  ~Glee

Shake it Out ~Florence and the Machine

Debunk the funk / Feminists are Ugly

Have the words "I'm not a feminist, but..." ever come out of your mouth or out of the mouth of someone you know?  I find that often times the reason for this qualification before delivering a feminist sentiment is because of the fear of becoming associated with the unsavory feminist stereotypes.
In order to show that the feminist Kool-Aid doesn't turn you ugly or into a lesbian or even into a man-hater,   I've decided that over this week I am going to debunk some feminist stereotypes.  It's going to be loads of fun as we sort through this garbage together.  And go ahead, throw me your stereotypes!

1.  Feminists are ugly

Hardly.  Although some would have you believe that all feminists are unshaven, fat, and simply ugly, I assure you, standing up for equality and women's rights does not mean you will suddenly become unfortunate looking.  Where does this stereotype come from?  It is the opinion of some that this stereotype is one used to discredit feminists by using something very personal rather than actual facts.  It is an oppressive statement.  It causes fear in people who want to be attractive, and doesn't everyone to some extent?  

It is my thought that this stereotype also stems from feminists recognizing and bringing attention to the difference between the "beauty" presented by the media and true beauty.  Feminists do not subscribe to the idea that only one type of body or one shade of skin or eye color or face shape is beautiful.  Feminists do not believe in photo-shopping the human quality out of photos.  The media not only wants you to believe that people actually look like that, but if you don't, you are doing something wrong and should be ashamed.  Don't be fooled.  No one looks like that.  And that doesn't make you ugly.  

At any rate, here are some examples.  Hopefully you soon see that there are quite a few hotties who classify themselves as feminists.  

Music of the Week

You've Got Me Wrapped  ~Beth Rowley

Drive By  ~Train

Old Number 4  ~Sequoyah Prep School

Quote of the day (Not inspiring)

"The villain is, predictably, anyone who criticizes Sandra Fluke. But keep in mind that Fluke is no innocent bystander; she’s a feminine activist."  ~Anthony Hager, Political Derby

Mr. Hager, 

1. I think what you mean is feminist activist.  Or women's rights activist.  Feminine activist gives me the mental picture that she tied bows to her protest sign.  
2. Being an activist doesn't INVITE attacks.  It means that person is trying to bring about change.  Should she expect resistance?  Sure, but attacks like Limbaugh's?  Not so much.  

Thou Shalt Not Wear Pants

The first time I wore pants to an LDS church was about three months ago.  It. Was. Fabulous.

For those unfamiliar with the culture standards within an LDS Sacrament Meeting, it is generally a dress shoe, dress (or skirt), hosiery kind of event for women;  a white shirt, tie, and dress shoes kind of event for men.  It is my belief that one reason for this huge push towards skirts for women, ties for men is to emphasize even further gender differences and segregation.  I find generally that when it comes to female and male, Mormons like very clear, bold, etched in stone lines that are not to be crossed.  I'm not entirely sure what the big deal is, but this seems to be the way of it.

The first time I wore pants to my home ward, which I have attended for two and half years now, I was greeted as an investigator.  This cracks me up just a little.  What is it about pants that says, "I am an investigator"?  Is it that I am obviously oblivious to the "right" way of dressing?

if you wear denim, good for you,
but do not criticize my pants.

We are advised to wear Sunday best.  Everyone's is different.  Many times, my dress pants are way more dressy than the skirts and dresses I see (I'm not judging, merely setting up the comparison.  I think you should worship in whatever works for you).  If you wear denim to church, you forgo your right to criticize my dress pants.  Sorry.  Hubby gave me the advice to look up General Conference talks on skirts on LDS.org last night.  Here are the results:  13 talks total include the word "skirt."  Four discuss the length of skirts.  Another four use the word "skirt" in a context besides an article of clothing.  The last five describe what someone in a story is wearing.  You know what "skirt" was not used for?  To describe what you should or shouldn't wear to the church or the Temple.   Although I did find a message from the First Presidency (The Prophet and his counselors) that reported that they intentionally did not dictate what Sunday Best is.  So...quit being a hater.

I think this is a case of Crime as Normal.  What is Crime as Normal?  Gather round, children;  it's Sociology time!  The concept of Crime as Normal was created by Emile Durkheim.  Oversimplified it means that crime is crime because it is different/ offensive to the society.  The example that was used to first explain this to me was this:  If there was a Utopian society in which everyone was the same and no one ever had a cold- no one ever coughed or sneezed- and one person sneezed regularly, that behavior would start off as strange, move towards inappropriate, inch towards offensive, and finally graduate to crime.  So dear ones, my point is this:  My wearing pants is not a bad thing unless it is simply because it makes others uncomfortable.

Another reaction I get quite often is discomfort or hostility.  Many people chitter-chatter to others about the pants and their inappropriate appearance at church. About this I have several thoughts:

1. Way to discuss how I am not being a very good Latter-day Saint via GOSSIP.  That's pretty bold.  Good job.  As a side note, know that in most life scenarios, and in an LDS ward in particular, nothing you say will remain private, and inevitably, what you say will get back to the person who is the subject of your conversation.  
2. I'm curious as to what makes me unapproachable to ask about the pants.  Is it me personally?  Or the actual pants?  Very few (as in one) people have outright asked about my reasons for wearing pants.  

doesn't she look nice?

So let's get it out in the open; Why do I wear pants?

1. I have a young son who constant wiggles and pulls on my clothing- would you rather see my underwear or my pants?
2. I have a young son who needs chasing after at a moments notice- there is no time to make sure everything is in a modest place.  
3. I prefer to sit cross legged (Indian style).  Pants provide that ability.
4. Skirts are so complicated.  If the material pulls, I have to wear a slip.  Not just any old slip, but a slip that won't slide down to be below the hem of my skirt or ride up to just below my breasts.  UGH.  This usually results in several trips to the bathroom to adjust and readjust all of my clothing.
5. I don't have to shave my legs to wear pants in order to not get grossed out looks.  Deal.
6. Pants are warmer.  I was in Ohio in January, and holy moley, I don't know why anyone there would even keep a skirt in their closet in the winter time.  

My thoughts are that we pants wearers need to band together because there is strength in numbers.  Check out Miri's blog about pants to church here.  Also, if you think you'd be more comfortable in pants, do it!  It is not a sin.  If you feel the need to dress it up further than just dress pants, sport some high heels or pearls or fancy accessories.  Break out of the box of social inertia.

Oh, Rush.

Just a little Rush Limbaugh retort to start the week off right.  

Music of the Week

Pack Up ~Eliza Doolittle

We Are Young  ~Fun.

Mama's Broken Heart ~Miranda Lambert

Because he could do it for anyone....

..but then again, maybe I would have anyway.

Attachment Parenting (Personal Progression- 8 months)

One thing I find to be useful in our chosen parenting strategy is to check in with Hubby quite often about the successes and struggles we are having, both individually and as a family.

Thus far our struggles are generally centered around sleep.  Baby sleeps when we sleep plus about two or three naps during the day.  He has, I am very glad to announce, stopped wanting to get up and play in the middle of the night.  However, he does continue to wake up frequently and need nursing or rocking back to sleep.  His sleep habits do seem to be ironing out by themselves but at a much slower pace than one might expect or hope.  I had a night this past week that I can only describe as difficult.  When four in the morning rolled around and Baby was still ready to play (this is not usual), I really wondered if I was doing the right thing. The very next day, I woke up and read this article:  http://fiercemamas.blogspot.com.au/2009/10/saving-my-baby.html.  I was immediately reminded about all the reasons I truly believe this to be the best fit for our family.  Until Baby is Toddler and able to communicate what he wants/ needs, I will absolutely answer every cry with attention, love, and any kind of comfort of which I can think.

   

We also bought bed rails.  Baby started getting the urge to Bungee jump from our bed without the Bungee cord, so we added some guardrails (something VERY advisable if you're co-sleeping).  I was happy to find that the bed rail would attach to an adult bed just as well as a toddler bed.  

Our successes are plentiful.  The one at the very forefront of my mind is how very advanced Baby is.  He took his first steps the day after he turned eight months, so that should debunked all of the "If you carry him everywhere he'll never learn to walk" comments.  Baby has yet to have stranger shyness and is generally very confident in everything he does.  I attribute this to the fact that he never feels scared or alone at this point in his life.  He is also very happy most of the time. 

Another success we have had is discipline.  Many people view Attachment Parenting as permissive, but I can assure you it is not.  In fact, Attachment Parenting encourages discipline from birth.  Yes, that's right, I said (Okay, I typed) discipline from birth.  Note that this is different from punishment.  Discipline is not synonymous with punishment.  Discipline is teaching behavior.  One method of Attachment Parenting is creating a "yes" environment.  This means that rather than chastising a child for getting into something she shouldn't, that something is not made available to her.  For example, in our home, we have a bird who throws empty seed shells out of her cage.  Rather than tell Baby, "No, no, no," we barricaded the area where the seeds fall.  By doing so, we eliminated a "no" and thus created a "yes."  

That's it for now.  I'll give more updates on the Attachment Parenting as the milestones come!