Oh, the Farmer and the Cowman Should be Friends

This won't be posted until I announce that I am pregnant, but I think I need to blog about it anyway.  I was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome during my first and only prior pregnancy.

H (hemolysis)
EL (elevated liver enzymes)
LP (low platelets)

For more information and specifics about HELLP syndrome, click here, but the short version is that if Preeclampsia were little league baseball, HELLP is a similar World Series winning variety of pregnancy induce disease.
I was not treated as a HELLP patient until many weeks after it reared its ugly head.  The honest truth was that the doctors and nurses prepared my family for the possibility that only my baby would be leaving the hospital with my family.  The short and least dramatic version of this story is that after a week of hospital, I did get better, and I left the hospital, healthy baby and healthy me.

taken from www.physio-pedia.com

Fast forward to now.  I am almost 5 weeks pregnant.  I have wanted this for a long, long time.  I have prayed for this.  I have longed for this.  And now that I am pregnant, I am scared.  I am scared because fate in was in my favor for my last encounter with HELLP syndrome.  The more research I do, the more I wish I would stop.  I seeing things like way premature birth, extended hospitalization towards the end of pregnancy, and fatalities.  Awesome.  Because what a pregnant woman really needs is cause to worry.  Because pregnant women surely do not worry about anything else while pregnant.

All sarcasm aside, I need a plan.  I am of the opinion that in many situations, mind is way over matter.  I need a positive attitude.  This is going to be okay.  I am also of the opinion that natural, preventative is best, but I am grateful for medical science when the need arises.  In the world today it seems like natural medicine and medical science are always at odds with one another (To vaccinate or not to vaccinate, to have Pitocin or let your body create Oxytocin), but I believe the farmer and the cowman can be friends.  I believe I need both to ensure a healthy and long baked pregnancy.

It turns out, much to my dismay, I might need a specialist OBGYN.  And that sucks.  I love midwives.  I love the low key, this-is-what-your-body-was-made-for attitude of midwives.  They don't push Pitocin simply because they are tired of waiting for you to deliver.  They listen.  They believe you deliver your baby while they catch the baby.  Doctors seem to be the complete opposite.  Check out The Business of Being Born.  This documentary changed my view of birth forever.  I am dreading going to an actual OBGYN, but it seems that my prior experience with HELLP leaves me with little choice.  However, that does not mean that I will develop HELLP this go round.  It means I have between 1 in 5 and 1 in 4 chance of developing HELLP again this pregnancy.  So, here's my plan:  natural and preventative health so that I do not develop HELLP syndrome again and a specialist OBGYN if I do.  I am going to keep a log of my HELLP-free journey because there is a serious need for one.  Looking forward to your support and encouragement!

Something Good from Macklemore

"Whatever God you believe in, we come from the same one."

Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines About Feminism

A note of caution:  Due to the subject matter of this post, you may want to read this when literate children are out of the room.  Goodness knows I would not want my kiddo hearing this on the radio, let alone seeing it in print.  

I think my head just exploded...  or imploded.  Either way, I am dumbstruck by what I have just read.

I think we're all at least remotely aware of Billboard's #1 for five weeks running, Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke, T.I., and Pharrell (If you're not, well, it's a blissful, blissful land in which you live- if you must research the song, the lyrics are here).  Personally, I have tried to ignore it because of how offensive and degrading it is towards women.  However, Mr. Thicke had a different take on his song:

"The idea was when we made this song, we had nothing but the most respect for women. I mean, I've been with the same woman since I was a teenager. For us, we were just trying to make a funny song and sometimes the lyrics can get misconstrued when you're just trying to put people on the dance floor and have a good time. We had no idea that it would stir this much controversy. We only had the best intentions."

"I think that's what great art does -- it's supposed to stir conversation, it's supposed to make us talk about what's important and what the relationships between men and women are," Thicke added. "If you listen to the lyrics, it says, 'That man is not your maker.' It's actually a feminist movement within itself. It's saying that women and men are equals as animals and as power. It doesn't matter if you're a good girl or a bad girl, you can still have a good time."

take from buzzfeed-popular.blogspot.com

Sure, Mr. Thicke, I can totally see how blowing smoke into the face of a clearly displeased woman
as you tell her she must want to "get nasty" is certainly empowering women (Please, if it isn't painstakingly obvious to you, this is the epitome of sarcasm).  So while I will not begin to tell anyone who she can allow into her feminist circles, let me walk you through why Mr. Blurred Lines is not welcome in mine.  Not. Ever.  

Let us break it down verse by verse.

First Verse:

OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you
But you're an animal, baby, it's in your nature
Just let me liberate you
You don't need no papers
That man is not your maker

This is something that has long bothered me:  How is a lack of commitment in a sexual relationship liberating?  I can argue that birth control is liberating.  I can argue that not being tied down to one person when you are not ready is liberating.  I cannot, however, argue that a sexual relationship outside of marriage is liberating.  While sex with people outside a committed relationship may not be constraining-  I am certainly not saying I do not get the appeal, it seems like a marriage would be the most liberating sexual experience.  Check this out:  No STD worries in a monogamous, committed relationship.  No "Oh no, who is the Daddy?" issues when there is only one person in your life.  And on that note, should you realize your spouse is going to be a Daddy, well then, you have two people to be a family to that kid.  So....   I do not need to be liberated.  I am fine with my (marriage) papers.

Chorus:
I know you want it
But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me

Rape culture, anyone?  This distinctly perpetuates the idea that women, all women want the proverbial "it."  She's a good girl, but I know she wants it.  Um, on the contrary, if she is acting like she doesn't want, read my font:
She doesn't want it;  back off.

Second Verse:
What do they make dreams for
When you got them jeans on
What do we need steam for
You the hottest b**** in this place
I feel so lucky
You wanna hug me
What rhymes with hug me?

Two things that do not make me feel respected or on equal footing with men is being called a b**** or using the f word (or in this case referring to the f word) when proposing sex.  This seems pretty self-explanatory to me, but maybe I should do a blog about those words and why those two in particular never sit well with me.

And by all means, look up the third verse by T.I., but seeing as how he's not proclaiming his feminism, and it's content is more explicit by far, I'm moving on without it.

The next thing that has me questioning Robin Thicke's push for gender equality is the music video (ahem, videos...) for this song.  The "clean" version has barely dressed women and nude models hidden carefully by the camera bouncing around while Robin Thicke, T.I., and Pharrell look at them and smoke and drink, all fully dressed, I might add.  The unrated version is the same, but the models are all naked except for nude colored thongs.  The camera hides nothing.  Also the phallic symbols and attention drawn to the models mouths is out of control.  But the thing that truly takes the rape cake for me is the image of a small stop sign atop a woman's naked rear (Hint: if I link to a picture rather than stick it directly on the blog, it's probably disturbing).

On a blog I frequent, JamiLeigh, in her post How to be Totally Miserable Part 2 of 2 describes how our brains are like catfish (get ready, this is one cool analogy!):

"Catfish just eat anything they can scavenge off the bottom of wherever they live. They are not partial at all - rotting matter and fish bodies and trash - they eat it all. Your mind is just the same. It doesn't discriminate, it just takes it all in. If you watched someone sweep the floor and dump the junk they swept up on top of your spaghetti dinner for the evening, you probably wouldn't eat it! And if you did, you'd probably throw it up. Unfortunately our minds don't have an vomit reflex. So? We have to be so careful what we put in them!"

She then goes on to quote Elder Dallin H. Oaks who says, "Pornographic or erotic stories and pictures are worse than filthy or polluted food. The body has defenses to rid itself of unwholesome food. With a few fatal exceptions, bad food will only make you sick but do no permanent harm. In contrast, a person who feasts upon filthy stories or pornographic or erotic pictures and literature records them in this marvelous retrieval system we call a brain. The brain won’t vomit back filth. Once recorded, it will always remain subject to recall, flashing its perverted images across your mind and drawing you away from the wholesome things in life.”  Again, if you want to visit her fabulous blog check it out here: A Bit Backward.

When he was asked about the implications it had towards women Robin Thicke answered, "Because all three of us are happily married with children, we were like 'We're the perfect guys to make fun of this.'  People say, 'Hey, do you think this is degrading to women?' I'm like, 'Of course it is. What a pleasure it is to degrade a woman. I've never gotten to do that before. I've always respected women.'"
....crickets.....  How does that make it okay?  This song/ video is not a film in which he's playing a character.  He's playing himself.  He actually wrote this.  Not to mention that being a sexist does not preclude you from getting married.

taken from CBSnews.com

My question is why is this song #1 for five  straight weeks?
On a ladies' outing with my mom and sister we got on the topic of Rolling Stone's portrayal of the Boston Bomber, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.  We discussed how the cover made him look very young and, quite frankly, very cool.  We shook our heads in turn and talked about what a disgraceful shame it is that Rolling Stone presented him (at least on the cover) like a rock star, that Rolling Stone just gave someone a role model.  Then, my sister informed us from her handy dandy smartphone that even with many stores refusing to stock the Boston Bomber issue, sales were the highest Rolling Stone had seen in a while.  Why is that our society is drawn to controversy like a moth to a flame
Even When We Know We Disagree Morally?
Shouldn't we have more control than that?  I think we should, and I think we do.

I think it boils down to personally responsibility.  You have the ability to not play a passive role in your life, and you do have the choice of what you consume.  Start by identifying what you stand for.  I cannot define that for you;  no one can except you.  What do you stand for?  What are your values?  First identify and then commit to them.  If you make the commitment now to turn the radio dial when degrading, sexist garbage comes on, you can avoid wishing your brain could vomit later.   And understand that this may be hard, especially if the garbage is packaged in a catchy tune or an amazing pair of blue eyes.  After all, if the swept up garbage atop your proverbial spaghetti were presented on fine china, you still wouldn't eat it, right?  Right?! You have a choice where your dollars go.  You have a choice what gets played and replayed in your mind.  Because even if Robin Thicke thinks his lyrics have been misconstrued, his message is as loud and clear as it is deplorable and pervasive.