No witty introduction- I am going straight to the heart of this post immediately. My name is not Mrs. "Husband's name" McCuistion, so cut that garbage out.
I understand that at one time being a woman meant that I was to be given to my husband upon our marriage, but, folks, it's a new day and age. I haven't been given to anyone because this life is still my own.
I struggled with the decision to change my last name when I got married. In fact, I kept my maiden name for a couple of weeks after my marriage, until I cracked under pressure to change it. At church, no one would call me "Sister Wooten," even when I specifically corrected them. I corrected one member of the bishopric three times, told him that I hadn't changed my name, but, alas, was stilled called "Sister McCuistion." I buckled. It didn't seem like that big of a deal. Sure, I was giving up the name I had grown up with and identified with for the past twenty-two years, but that didn't mean a loss of identity, right?
And then, it came.
That's right, the first piece of mail that was formally addressed to me: "Mrs. Hubby McCuistion"
What. The. Heck.
As explained to me by many when I expressed my dissatisfaction, I had no right to feel this way. Addressing me as "Mrs. Hubby McCuistion" is proper etiquette. It's polite. It's simple manners.
Well. I am still a human being with my own identity, and therefore my own name.
Secondly, I prefer Ms. over Mrs. and here's why: Men don't have a special prefix indicating whether they are married or not because it doesn't matter. However, the world views very differently the married woman and the single. I do not care to be known by name as being married because if it is pertinent enough to the situation, my marital status will can be disclosed upon request.
I am not throwing stones at individuals who have addressed me as "Mrs. Hubby McCuistion." That would be silly since I can only assume that specific people are not doing it as a purposeful insult. No, I do assume that each individual is doing only what feels right to her or him. However, the practice as a society really irks me.
However, companies and people with whom I have professional dealings best recognize.
Today I came home, and, excitingly, found two different new adoption packets in the mail (I think it's public knowledge now that we are looking to adopt our next- if it wasn't before, it is now). I looked at each, and then... There is was: Mr. and Mrs. Hubby McCuistion.
Worth mentioning is that each of the packets I have applied for I have filled out MY information and only included my husband's name because the applications asked for the name of spouse.
Again,
What. The. Heck????
It is really unfortunate, but I sincerely wish more with every passing week that I had kept my maiden name.** Hubby's opinion is that having one name unites us as a family. I am not so sure. I think what unites us is our commitment and our binding marriage contract (Oh, right, we're LDS, so and covenant). I think names are merely a formality, particularly in adopted families. When we adopt a child, I don't intend on changing the child's last name if they already have one (we are planning on adopting a toddler) because it's a part of who they are.
Becoming a family doesn't mean changing who you are, it mean's shaping who you will become with one another.
*I refer to my husband's first name as "Hubby" because while I don't mind disclosing who I am, perhaps he would prefer not to offer up that information.
**I am not suggesting that this is something for everyone as long as no one is saying changing one's name is something for everyone either.
I understand that at one time being a woman meant that I was to be given to my husband upon our marriage, but, folks, it's a new day and age. I haven't been given to anyone because this life is still my own.
I struggled with the decision to change my last name when I got married. In fact, I kept my maiden name for a couple of weeks after my marriage, until I cracked under pressure to change it. At church, no one would call me "Sister Wooten," even when I specifically corrected them. I corrected one member of the bishopric three times, told him that I hadn't changed my name, but, alas, was stilled called "Sister McCuistion." I buckled. It didn't seem like that big of a deal. Sure, I was giving up the name I had grown up with and identified with for the past twenty-two years, but that didn't mean a loss of identity, right?
And then, it came.
That's right, the first piece of mail that was formally addressed to me: "Mrs. Hubby McCuistion"
What. The. Heck.
As explained to me by many when I expressed my dissatisfaction, I had no right to feel this way. Addressing me as "Mrs. Hubby McCuistion" is proper etiquette. It's polite. It's simple manners.
Well. I am still a human being with my own identity, and therefore my own name.
Secondly, I prefer Ms. over Mrs. and here's why: Men don't have a special prefix indicating whether they are married or not because it doesn't matter. However, the world views very differently the married woman and the single. I do not care to be known by name as being married because if it is pertinent enough to the situation, my marital status will can be disclosed upon request.
I am not throwing stones at individuals who have addressed me as "Mrs. Hubby McCuistion." That would be silly since I can only assume that specific people are not doing it as a purposeful insult. No, I do assume that each individual is doing only what feels right to her or him. However, the practice as a society really irks me.
However, companies and people with whom I have professional dealings best recognize.
Today I came home, and, excitingly, found two different new adoption packets in the mail (I think it's public knowledge now that we are looking to adopt our next- if it wasn't before, it is now). I looked at each, and then... There is was: Mr. and Mrs. Hubby McCuistion.
Worth mentioning is that each of the packets I have applied for I have filled out MY information and only included my husband's name because the applications asked for the name of spouse.
Again,
What. The. Heck????
It is really unfortunate, but I sincerely wish more with every passing week that I had kept my maiden name.** Hubby's opinion is that having one name unites us as a family. I am not so sure. I think what unites us is our commitment and our binding marriage contract (Oh, right, we're LDS, so and covenant). I think names are merely a formality, particularly in adopted families. When we adopt a child, I don't intend on changing the child's last name if they already have one (we are planning on adopting a toddler) because it's a part of who they are.
Becoming a family doesn't mean changing who you are, it mean's shaping who you will become with one another.
*I refer to my husband's first name as "Hubby" because while I don't mind disclosing who I am, perhaps he would prefer not to offer up that information.
**I am not suggesting that this is something for everyone as long as no one is saying changing one's name is something for everyone either.
