Tidbits from the week

This week has been hard for me, so there is no real put together topic for this post-  it's going to be a little of this, a little of that.  I started my week seeing another feminist secret this week on the Post Secret Blog.  It served as a reminder to me that we are all hypocrites until we're perfect (which I don't really believe to be attainable in this life), so we need to cut others and ourselves some slack.    To the author of this secret:  You are not a failure-  you need help and support.  Don't we all?

I started my book review for Cinderella Ate My Daughter, by Peggy Orenstein.  Get excited for that because it was excellent book, and I have so much to say about it that it is turning into a huge project simply organizing my thoughts about it.  I feel like I am back in college writing a paper.  Anyone with a daughter-Heck, anyone with a kid or who has been a kid- I think you should read this book.  But more on that whenever I have the time to post my book review.

Last week while shopping for some kiddo stuff, I saw this little number in the infant section.  I haven't worked out the details in my mind, but I would rather my little swim naked than swim in this.  I think it has to do with naked being chalked up to her being a baby, but this swimsuit begin sexualization in infancy.  But how?  I need help identifying what it is that makes it so, but I truly believe naked would be more appropriate.  Please leave your ideas in the comments below.  Or if you feel like being more private about it, email me.

Here's another random:  I have noticed recently that it would seem I am more drawn to music from male musicians.  It's weird.  I noticed this because in trying to update my current listening enjoyment, I was trying to balance the female/ male contributions, but overwhelmingly, my musical taste leans towards male voices, with the exception of the Broadway genre.  In Broadway, I think I like female voices because then the range is good for me to rock out along with them.  I would be really interested in finding some statistics or readings on male versus female musicians.  Is this merely my taste in music or there a reason I lean towards male musicians?

While staying at my mom's over the holiday, Baby had the chance to play with both his toys and some of my childhood toys.  I have to admit, when I saw him playing with both his toy truck and my (now his) dollhouse, it warmed my heart and made me smile.  I've seen this meme going around in which a picture showing matchbox cars tucked into doll furniture is accompanied with the caption that this is what happens when you trying to disprove gender stereotypes.  To that I respond that trying to break gender stereotypes after a child has learned them is hard.  Starting from the get-go is another thing entirely.

Lastly, I have been debating whether or not to march in the Charleston Pride Parade this Saturday.  I really want to, but I'm sure there will be repercussions associated with it.  Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing?  I would really love ya'll's feedback this week!

Modest is Hottest, and, If You're Not Modest, Get Ready For Wrath, You Hussie

When I began the process of becoming a Mormon, one of my first activities was to go through all of my clothing and evaluate it's appropriateness with questions like these:

1. Does is have sleeves?
2. Can any cleavage be seen?
3. Does it show my stomach at all?
4. If I lift my arms, will any skin show?
5. Does it fall below my knees?

I was really gungho about it at the time, convinced anything other than complete coverage was completely inappropriate.  After about three months of this, I tried on one of my old skirts that came three inches above my thigh-  I felt naked.  However, I did not feel naked because what I was wearing was an atrocity;  I felt naked because I had convinced and practiced myself into that mentality.  

I saw this on Facebook today, and I got fired up a bit.  Of course this calls for a dissection.

1. Please address me as something besides a girl.  I am not a prepubescent child.  Someone somewhere will rebut this saying this is addressed to young females.  I respond to that by saying that "Men" need not be giving attention to "girls."
2. This was posted by a Facebook group called "Mormons," so I can only conclude it is church members spreading this.  Dressing differently than dictated in the For Strength of Youth does not mean that a person is dirty, slutty, or anything else.  Certainly not that they have been rolling in manure.
3. The attention one receives when dressing without consulting LDS standards is pretty much the same.  Take it from someone who knows.  More on this later. 

The idea that one is either modest or immodest reinforces the Virgin/Whore Dichotomy in which one can be either the purest of pure or a whore.  This dichotomy is deprecating to women because it leaves out options of moderation and normalcy while instilling fear that once a line is crossed, there is no return.  Think Britney Spears.  Long, long ago, in a high school far away, Britney Spears started as the good girl next door.  Her resume included the Mickey Mouse Club and other Disney related fame.  However, the moment she took one step off the purity train there was nowhere to go except to get racier and racier because American pop culture only desires the Madonna figure or the stripper.  My point is this: Not wearing sleeves doesn't make you immodest.  

This is a picture of me (gasp!) the summer
after I turned 19. When I see this picture,
 I don't think modest or not, I simply
see a picture from a great week. 

One day while shopping with my MIL, she commented that I had probably dressed modestly before I converted.  "Nope!" was the only answer I provided.  The truth of the matter is, I did not wear sleeves.  Or cover my mid drift.  Or wear skirts down to my knees.  The men I attracted were pretty much the same:  a lot of guys that I had no interest in dating and a couple I was.  Ladies, I'm going to let you in on a little secret:  Straight men are attracted to women.  Here's another gem:  The type of man you attract is more about your actions than your outfit. 

I am against the idea that men can't control themselves or their thoughts when a woman dresses a certain way.  I'll tell you this, if that were the case, Mormons would never go swimming.  How is it that men can keep their hands off me in a bathing suit at the beach, but walking around the mall, a tank top is their self control evaporates?  Genuinely, I do not understand.  

Finally, I'd like put in a complaint about the general need people feel to police others.  The meme in the beginning is a prime example of (slut)shaming others into dressing the way another believes they should dress.  And this starts at the primary age**!  When children are taught that it is imperative to dress a certain way or they are bad, they learn to call others out on their dress.  Children need to be taught to police themselves based on their specific beliefs, and not to push that on others (whether within or without their religious establishment).  We teach children judgment.  In the words of Shawn Mullins (one of my favorites),

We're born to shimmer, we're born to shine, we're born to radiate.

  We born to live, we're born to love, we're born to never hate.  

And yet, it is practices like policing others where we begin to teach children to judge and hate.  Appropriateness is different depending on where where one is or the culture.  To think that one culture is the be all end all is incredibly arrogant.  

Now, before I get a thousand hate comments (feel free to leave them anyway, but read this paragraph first).  I think there is value in dressing appropriately for the situation.  I think there is value in teaching modest dress to children.  The problem I have is when we attach a person's worth to how they dress.    Rather than teach children that they are good when they cover up, perhaps we should teach them the principles that will help them learn respect for their bodies. 

And quit shoving your beliefs (whether LDS or not, whether high coverage or low coverage) on other people.

**To readers who belong to my home ward-  I am not talking specifically about our primary (I have the utmost respect for our Primary President).  My comments are based on an amalgamation of experiences in many wards, parental teachings, and group discussions.