Letter to a Friend

A dear friend of mine sent me a concerned email today about my relationship in the church and as a feminist.  This blog is an outlet for steam so often, I forget to include my positive feelings.  After some careful consideration, I have decided to post my response.  I think it's important to understand that I do consider myself solidly in this church.  


Hey Lady! It's good to hear from you!

I haven't stopped believing at all- In fact, quite the opposite, I find myself right now to be incredibly active. I believe in this Church- If I didn't, I wouldn't attack it; I would simply remove myself from it and dust off my hands.

My discrepancies mostly revolve around Mormon Culture. Here's a secret (okay, not so secret): I'm pretty liberal. While I don't fancy myself a Democrat (because I don't believe in binary politics), I'm VERY liberal as far as other Mormons are concerned.
There really hasn't been a point in the last three years that I haven't been Temple worthy, which to me means that I uphold the doctrine fairly well. However, I refuse to stand by while people judge me. I drink caffeine, wear shirts that sometimes show a little cleavage, watch the occasional rated R movie, and believe homosexuals should be able to marry. While all of these things make True Blue Mormons uncomfortable, they are not against what Christ taught. And they don't disqualify me from being Temple worthy. Ergo, I am fully active and in good standing.

I do not attend the Temple currently because it does not bring me peace. I have had some inner scuffles with my practices, wording, and teachings of the Church. I am currently trying (very hard, mind you) to bring peace through Christ to my life by finding joy in my work, keeping my home as a sanctuary from the world, and being the best mom I can be. I think Heavenly Father knows I am trying to please him, and He'll know when I am ready to take on more. For now, I take the basics one day at a time.

I do absolutely point out publicly (because that's the nature of a blog) when I think something has gone awry due to gender. I do this because it helps me to sort through my feelings, but also because if no one speaks up, nothing changes. Case in point: One time I went to a bishop distraught because in Sacrament Meeting it was very common for the Elders Quorum President to be referred to as "President" and the Relief Society President to be referred to as "Sister." That bishop said. "You're right; that should change." He explained that he never considered that "Sister" was below "President." Voila, change. It's small, but it matters.

Do I think there is inequality in the church? You betcha. Do I think it is fundamental? No. I think it has been created by the surrounding culture.

I hope this hasn't been too preachy or long! I'm really glad you asked, actually.

Love,
Blythe

What is Rape?

I think it goes without saying how I feel about Todd Akin and his remarks on rape and pregnancy.  However, if it doesn't, he's a total moron-  He should be given a class in sexual reproduction and rape awareness.  Clearly if a man of Todd Akin's age and status is so confused about the female reproductive system, comprehensive sex education should be in schools.  That is that.  Regardless of my personal beliefs, I don't get in to uproars about abortion issues because, call me naive, but I do not foresee access to abortion being overturned any time soon.  I just don't.  So why even bring it up then?  Because the tangential issue being discussed here is rape.  And I have VERY large and outspoken opinions about rape.

It seems to be a trend among republican candidates to define (or redefine*, as the case may be) rape as the gruesome, at knife point, stranger rape event that one usually sees on Law and Order SVU.  They show (cough.feign.cough) sympathy for the victims of such occurrences (usually termed "forcible rape").  When Todd Akin referred to this type of rape as "legitimate rape," he implied that any rape not fitting that particular description is not actually rape, this not deserving of the sympathy.  People are blithely unaware of what rape actually is and how often it occurs. According to Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network (RAINN):

Rape is forced sexual intercourse including vaginal, anal, or oral penetration.   Penetration may be by a  body part or an object.

 Therefore, I made a list I believe everyone should read and know.  I encourage you to put your additions to the lists in the comments- for this specific sensitive topic I will allow anonymous comments so long as they are pertinent and not hostile.

Is it Rape (Yes, I realize the set up of this list is rather redundant, but for the sake of clarity, deal with it)?

1. If one party is not old enough to consent (this varies by state), it is rape.
2. If one party does not have the capacity to consent, it is rape.  Being without the capacity to consent includes but is not limited to:
• being drunk
• being intoxicated by drugs (prescribed or not)
• being asleep
• having a disability that interferes with mental capacity
3. If one party says no before the act, it is rape.
4. If one party says no or stop during the act and the act continues, it is rape.  
5. If one of the previous conditions has occurred but the victim is married to the assailant, it is rape.  
6. If one of the previous conditions has occurred but the victim is not female, it is rape.
7. If one of the previous conditions has occurred but the assailant is not male, it is rape.  
8. If one of the previous conditions has occured but the victim knows the assaulting person, it is STILL rape.  

Again, please feel free to list your own, "what is rape" statements in the comments.  The next installment will be more focused on the statistics of who is being sexually assaulted, who is doing the sexual assaulting, and the effects.  Stay tuned.

*I've heard of bills to redefine rape being introduced.  By men.  Seriously?  It boggles my mind that men feel so entitled to make decisions and create definitions surrounding issues in which the affected population is largely female.  I saw this quote by President Obama earlier this week:  "We shouldn't have a bunch of politicians, a majority of whom are men, making healthcare decisions on behalf of women."